Why are Black women ashamed of their natural hair?

Question

I've come across A LOT of comments on Black women's hair. I'm a Black woman so I'm going to speak on it and would appreciate feedback from people, Black, White, or otherwise.

Point blank, we live in a country that tells us that the standard of beauty is Eurocentric. Many people of color, grow up thinking their brown skin or kinky hair is "unmanageable," "un professional," "ugly." They believe this because WAY back in slavery times, this was put in the head of our ancestors. Then, a Black woman invented the perm so Black women (and men back then) could "manage" their unruly hair.

Unfortunately, many sisters still believe this myth, that natural hair is unattractive, hard to manage and can't be worn at work. These are all lies. The brainwashing has been passed down from generation to generation. If you want to perm your hair, fine more power to you, but do it cause you want to, not to rationalize by saying otherwise your "nappy" hair can't be managed cause thats bullsh*t.

Also, remember God doesn't make mistakes so if you were born with kinky hair, apparently, you were meant to have it.

Please not that this isn't a bash perm hair post, rather, this is an empower natural hair post because Ive seen it dissed over and over again on this site.

I went natural 7 years ago and my hair has never been healtheir, softer, easier to manage. Perms burn the crap out of your scalp, it damages it, plain and simple. Take a look at older women who've been perming their hair for years, do you notice they dont have a HAIRLINE? The perm has burned it off.

Indeed, we all are entitled to wear our hair however the heck we want to, but it would be nice that the same way if you have a perm, you'd wish people would respect your choice, the same should be given to sisters who prefer wearing their hair the way the Divine gave it to them.

peace.

Offense taken. Saying natural hair looks like bugs are in it, IS offensive. Whoever you see that their hair is so tangled that it looks like bugs are in it, needs to comb their hair. However, I have never seen someone with natural hair that has their hair looking like that so I figure you are making it up to be "funny." Sorry, didn't laugh, but you got your 2 points so thats all that matters right!

Thanks for all the great feedback everyone. It is also a myth that we can't wear our hair natural when going in an interview. Ive worn my hair natural and gotten hired.

Natural doesn't automatically mean a fro. We can do SO MUCH more with our hair. I twist my hair up at night and when I wake up, simply finger out the twists and my hair is curly. People of all races come up to me and say ooo your hair is so curly, it look soft, can I touch it?

WTF? I am not some animal in a zoo to be petted. But that is how uncommon natural hair is that when they see someone with natural hair, they want to "touch" it like its some great phenomenon..LOL, I simply laugh and walk away.

But J you said it, it is sad that if folks wear their natural hair it is automatically assumed we are "protesting" something when in FACT, its the exact opposite, we are EMBRACING our God given features.

Eh, onward and upward:)

Mothra-actually Im not ashamed to use the word nappy because many Black women embrace that word and use it reguarly. Did I not put "nappy" in quotes? That means others use that word to describe the hair, not me.

If you noticed, I say kinky, I prefer that word, I don't use nappy, but many friends do, that is their choice. Imus has no relevance to what Black women can or can not say with regards to their own hair. When HE used the word, it was in a derogatory sentece and an attempt to demean. Doesn't mean the word is demeaning, it means that he used it in a demeaning way.

Make sense?

Sorry for writing a friggin dissertation here people..lol, I wish I could comment directly under each of your responses so this question wouldn't be soooo long.

Basically, I wanted to say to the women that spoke of biracial hair, indeed, I have heard stories of parents trying to "manage" their kids hair. The key is what you use to comb, brush and moisturize. People with kinky/curly hair can't use the same products in their hair that permed folks use. Natural hair needs MOISTURE, water has become my best friend:) I also use products that are tailored for my natural hair. I have an extensive list of hair care websites for Black women and Biracial women, feel free to email me if you'd like the list.

Also, check out www.nappturality.com where sisters with natural hair or those who are thinking of trainsitioning back to their natural hair, come together to talk, ask questions, offer hair care tips and discuss politics, culture and every other topic under imaginable.

Ah, I was wondering when someone would say it "good" hair. Another term white people used to describe their hair and Black hair wasn't "good." Then Black folks adopted the myth among each other, good vs bad hair. If a Black person had straight or curly hair like a White person, it was "good" and anything else was "bad." Can we please get the shackles off our brains for a minute?

LOL, all of our hair is GOOD. You just have to know how to take care of your hair. Perms don't stregthen or moisturize the hair, they damage it, period, its a chemical that burns your dang hair. Regardless of how hot or cold it is, natural hair can still be worn without sweating out all over the dang place. Natural hair can be put up ya know.

Regarding why Black folks don't wash their hair everyday, our hair isn't extra oily , so it can go longer without being washed. If we washed our hair everyday, yes, it would dry it out and look crazy. I wash and deep condition my my hair once a week.

babeedoll--AMMMMMENNNN SIS. You have summed it all up and then some. That is exactly what needs to be said and heard.

Congrats on embracing your natural self sis!

stylist chic - I agree sis, yes ma'am CHANGING THE MENTALITY ABOUT WHY is the key. I already stated people can do whatever the heck they want to do with their hair, just KNOW why you are doing it.

Are you straightening your hair because you enjoy thats just the hairstyle you like OR are you doing it cause its been ingrained in your head since you were born that your "natural" hair is unattractive.

chaz - actually this isn't a debate of any kind. I asked a question and welcomed all opinions. A requirement wasn't YOU MUST AGREE WITH WHAT I SAY. Last time I checked, the same way we are free to wear our hair anyway we want, we are also free to state our opinions freely. You agreeing with it or liking it, isn't a concern of mine or reason why I wrote my question. My opinion is still that, mine an I'll express it freely. Same as you will.

have a good day:)

LOL @ Sam D, brotha, check yourself. YES I wore my hair natural to my job interview and to the last several interviews Ive had since Ive been natural. At my job YES I wear afro puffs. Do you know how ignorant you sound telling me that I'm militant because I enjoy my natural hair. You just confirmed the ignorance of many White people who ASSume the same thing, just because Im natural and have an opinion, oh golly gee, I must be militant.

Get over yourself. Are you that upset because I didn't agree with your post? It will be okay, really it will:)

Answer 1

hey, i hear you on the issue.

i tried perming my hair but it always fell out. there was one time i had severe burns on my scalp from a kiddie perm left in for 45 minutes. after 2 years of weaves and trying to grow my hair out, it was gone in 3 weeks.

so, i went back to weaves for 6 years. damn, it's hot when you're trying to work out!!! but i always felt fake, and i felt embarassed when people told me they liked my hair, or when sisters asked me where i got my weave, who did it, etc.

i was really scared to make the transition because i work in a professional environment, and i was scared to take my weave off. my hairdresser then set me straight: she said that black women need to get over themselves in what they think white people will think about their hair. yes, some are ignorant, and in many ways it's because they are not used to seeing natural hair. we've tried to look like them for years, and all of a sudden we're going natural and expect them to 'understand'. yes, there are cultural problems, but we've done a poor job of making them 'get it' by trying to assimilate. it's our job to educate them. you walk into your office proud of your hair with it neat and clean, and no one will care. at most they will be curious or think it's exotic. maybe some won't like it, but they will get used to it. get over yourself.' ouch. but she was right.

so i finally said screw it, and i got sisterlocks. i sat down with my coworkers, explained what i was about to do and that my hair was not really my hair and showed them pictures of natural hair on the internet. it made the shock of the transition a lot easier for me. my parents called me and begged me not to lock my hair. they are still very old school in their thinking that all locks look like bob marley's. after it was done, they really liked it.

but the strange thing was, right after i locked it and was all pro-natural, circumstances changed at work and i decided to start looking for another job. my immediate reaction was 'omg!!! will anyone hire me with my hair like this?' it was insane! as it turned out, i had no issues with any of my interviews (none of the companies i interviewed for had any other black employees), and in my new job, i have this one woman who keeps touching my hair (i need to talk to her about it).

in terms of manageability, i have never done anything easier. i would never go back, and not a day goes by where i regret my decision.

i did some research on relaxers and realized that it is the equavalent of pouring liquid draino on your head (they both have similar ingredients and the same pH balance). it was invented by a slave who accidentally spilled chemicals used in sewing machines on his arm. it burned him, but it also straightened the hair on his arm. and i am putting that stuff on my head next to my brain? the skin does absorb this stuff and it goes into the bloodstream (think of topical medications). people have died relaxing their hair. no wonder i was losing mine! if you look at people who have been relaxing their hair for years, many have significant hair loss and irreparable damage. the weave/fake hair industry is making the koreans quite rich. it's a personal decision, but those are the reasons why i stopped and am quite happy being nappy.

Answer 2

In my case not at all I wear my natural hair proudly. I don't think that women should necessarily stop getting their hair straighten but their mentality about their natural hair should change. Over years, Black people in this country have been put down and label inferior because of the physical features we were born with. In the media there are mostly White people, the few Blacks all have European hairstyles, this creates an opinion in the Black community that straight hair equals beauty. Some Black women that in order to attract the opposite sex they have to have long straight hair. Also think about the work force most companies say that Afros, cornrows, locs etc.. are unprofessional so Black women feel pressure to conform for their career advancement. It's a complex issue but at the end of the day everyone has the right to their opinion, hopefully a day will come were Black people and all races are TRULY thought of as equal.

Answer 3

You know what, have you ever gone on a cosmetic surgery site? You'll find a lot of races of people who alter what they were given naturally, especially facial features. Many were born with extremely large noses, some with hooks, crooked or very long. They get them reshaped into a more attractive form. Same with fake hair, it enhances their looks.

Answer 4

I think you answered your own question. Beauty is defined as Eurocentric in American society. So many don't want to believe that subconciously, they adhere to that standard.....paper thin hair that blows in the breeze is more beautiful than thick, kinky curls.
I must admit I did for a while...now, my hair isn't natural, but it's not because I don't want to. Being biracial, my mother was at a loss on how to handle my hair when I was a little girl. She put excessively tooooo strong relaxers in my hair to try to tame it because she didn't know how to take care of my hair since it was much thicker than hers. After so many years, the damage is startinf to finally be undone, but I have to admit now that I don't know what to do with it when its natural anymore...I'd look like a bad shampoo commercial without my flat iron.

Answer 5

It has alot to do with the so called "standard of beauty" and the constant media perpetuation of such. Subliminally, it makes black women reevaluate their looks. In part i also believe that trends, like anything, also influence certain hairstyles.

Answer 6

Almost every television show, every commercial, and every picture advertisement that has anything to do, or has women in it shows white women and their hair. Have you noticed that almost every advertisement that does have Black women in it shows her with dreadlocks, or a frizzy style, or straight hair? Also, have you noticed you never see a black woman's natural hair on tv or in magazines unless it has something to do with the 60s or early 70s?

Black women have been made to see their features and hair as ugly by the whites. Also it would be hard for a black woman to walk into a job interview with her natural hair style. To whites an Afro, or natural hair on a black woman or man makes it seem like we are protesting against something (meaning white establishment) or we are trying to make a statement about something. This is why Black women straighten their hair and black men shave off their hair.

BTW isn't it funny (in a not so pleasant way) that our natural hair state is interpreted as "protesting" or making a statement? It's sad that even in our naturalness we are demonized
.
Life is sad.

Answer 7

I have seen some beautiful children of mixed parents in Los Angeles who have the most gorgeous naturally curly hair.
I heard an interview with Don King, who mentioned how one night when he was sleeping, the ends of his hair suddenly became alive with astonishing energy and began to unravel and move according to the rhythm of the energy, and I have since learned that torque is a twisting force of energy. I sometimes wonder if the kinks in natural curls is some kind of energy untapped...
I think natural hair is beautiful no matter what race or kind. The children of mixed parents I have seen in large cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco have stopped me in my tracks with their beauty.
I'm thinking maybe it's not shame, but the pain each person suffers in trying to comb and tame that hair. My daughter has a bit of natural curl to her hair, and she cries something awful when we comb those tangles out. I can't let it just go, because the tangles make her hair look messy. We love those curls, so we try the best we can to make them come out. But it hurts her so. I can understand how some girls with more kink to their curls would want to straighten their hair or have corn rows forever, just so they don't have to suffer the pain of everyday combing.
But I do agree with you. I have seen some really beautiful natural hair, and it should be let out more often.

Answer 8

This is a really valid issue, and one that's saddened me a lot recently. Women of color have natural hair that is so diverse and beautiful, and unfortunately, they are taught from so young an age that their hair is "too rough" or "too wild" or "too African." I always wonder why they are taught against those things, like they are bad. :(

The problem is that so many women have been told for so long that the only way to be "beautiful" is to be fair-skinned, sleek-haired, smooth-skinned and slim. How boring and restrictive! Unfortunately, women of color are taught these lessons from such a young age, and these ideals are reinforced time and time again throughout our lives. Our mothers teach us how to "manage" our unruly hair, if you go natural, men ask ,"what's up with your hair? it's so rough/frizzy/wild," and everywhere we look, we see images of dewy, smooth "beauty."

Until we learn to accept our bodies and ourselves as beautiful, we'll have to live with these burdens. And even more sadly, in our efforts to mold ourselves into this stupid (and impossible) ideal, we'll be forced to cover up and hide the beauties that we in actuality possess.

Answer 9

I am a lesbian. I personally find natural Black hair to be VERY attractive on a woman... I love curly hair in general, and Black hair is THE curliest... :)

When we were together, I shared an apt with my ex-GF, who is Black, a few years ago. I loved being able to touch her hair when we were being close because it was soo soft and full and lovely...

Of course it took me like two months of telling her i thought her hair was BEAUTIFUL before she let me do it.
She thought her hair was nappy too, and was afraid to let me touch it at all at first...!

But after i assured her i really DID like the look and feel of it, she became more comfortable with it ...and more comfortable with letting her hair go natural around me :) !!

I'm not Black, but i think the negative hype around Black hair on women is a generational insecurity compounded by contemporary influences...

But all these negative perspectives on Black women's hair are just lame, sorry excuses for people to maintain negative feelings about Black-ness... Think about it...
Even those who have Black hair still manage to internalize these negative feelings about Blackness which have been imposed on and internalized by generation after generation of Americans (black, white, yellow, etc)

But I say to you all...Build your bridge and get over it !!

Black hair is friggin LOVELY :)

Answer 10

I ask my self that all the time. I have heard lots of excuses, the most popular being "straight hair is easier to manage" ... but I dont call spending 4 to 8 hours and 60 to 100 a week "easy."

here is a really interesting story: I was dating this girl for few years. So one day we were at a bar and we run into one of my old female friends. Now, my old friend is poster child for Black beauty. The girl I was dating was visibly in secure and basically mad, by the time my friend walked away. When I asked her what was worng, she says "nothing, I just dont like her" I say: "why?" And she says "because shes natural, and I know that is what you like"

hmmm......

Answer 11

short hair is good for a few people, others, not. it depends just what u look like