Does marriage mean anything in America anymore?

Question

The vows, "in sickness and in health, til death do us part" don't seem to hold the same weight as they once did (i.e. even Newt Gingrich served his wife divorce papers while she was in a hospital bed recovering from cancer). The only out clause seems to be "til death do us part" but it doesn't seem like people wait that long anymore. So why get married when no one really honors the vows anymore? And when did people stop honoring them (i.e. pick self-interest over honor)?

@Dick Richards

Just an example I used to illustrate my point. It's already been documented as true. Plus everyone knows who Newt Gingrich is, so it helps to clarify the question.

Answer 1

I've read before that people have an unrealistic expectation of marriage. We see the happy romance movies where love is this exciting thing that concurs all. When our relationships fail to live up to that, we get discouraged. We think if it was really meant to be, the romance and the passion would last forever. No one wants to do the dirty work that is part of a marriage. By that I mean communicating and working through things.

In general people are more disconnected with life. We live artificial lives inflated by credit; have fairy-tale ideas of marriage; and think we are the star of our own tv show.

Answer 2

Actually, things have not really changed that much. When exactly was this mythical time when everyone got married and stayed happily married anyway? The truth is that divorce rates have been relatively stable for twenty years, and are actually a little lower than they were thirty years ago. You have to go back to the 1950s to find rates lower than today, and even then divorce was actually still quite common. Truth is that people have been complaining about divorce rates since the beginning of marriage, even in Biblical times.

The big difference between now and our past is that when divorce was a little more taboo, people who probably shouldn't have married in the first place were stuck in unhappy, loveless marriages, thus teaching their children how to NOT to start a relationship. Not good. In addition to this, women who were abused were stuck. The law did not protect them from their abusers, and they were ostracized if they left their husbands. During some periods in our history, women were not even allowed to get a divorce without their husband's consent. If their husband was a brutal tyrant, what could they do but live in misery and raise children in misery? Many divorces happen now simply because one of the spouses treats the other poorly. Without the threat of divorce, what motivation does a manipulator have to act humanely and lovingly?

In any case, most people DO take their vows seriously. The problem is that things change. Whereas I will gladly admit that some couples are too hasty and are unwilling to put the work into making a marriage succeed, I still think it is better for a couple to split if they find they can't do this, especially in cases where one spouse is trying and the other is just manipulating the situation. Some people are selfish. Some people are not. Sometimes, however, things change in ways that no one could foresee. Love drives people together, and they really believe that they want to be with that person forever, but when push comes to shove they drift apart or find that the person they fell in love with is not really the person they fell in love with. Fact is that there are a lot of really unhappy married people out there. Why should they continue to suffer if it simply isn't going to work out? What does that teach your children? Honestly, I think the problem is not that people get divorced. The problem is that some people simply shouldn't get married in the first place.

All that said, let us not forget the people who DO stay married and DO work through their problems and DO stay happy and in love. They say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I don't know if that is really true, but if it is, then what about the 50% who don't? I happen to fall under that category, and I'd like a little more credit for it! :-)

Answer 3

Um, does having bones broken by a crack addict constitute a good reason for divorce in your book, or are women supposed to be "long suffering" as I was told by a man of the cloth?

Listen, times are changing. When women and men are truly treated as equals, then marriages will last longer. People (not only women, but men also) have realized that new beginnings are sometimes easier and more effective than staying in a miserable situation.

The Newt Gingrich thing sounds mean, he should have not done that. But the public doesn't know the whole story. There may be other factors involved that make it seem more ok to the public. It's nobody's business, really.

And last but not least, marriage is highly overrated and ruins a lot of good relationships. The only things I have noticed are that men don't care as much about destroying a household if there are no rings and paperwork involved, but if the woman is another man's "PROPERTY," there is something to be afraid of, if the man if respectable. Men like marriage better than women do because they usually have the upper hand.

Answer 4

The majority of the people do honor the vows. Unfortunately, that news isn't very exciting. Cheating, etc makes much better news. In addition, it's pretty easy to get out of a marriage. When that's the case, why stick around?

BTW, it's not just America. This is a problem worldwide.

Answer 5

I wouldn't say that no one honours the vows any more i just think that the idea of a wedding is great the idea of a marriage is not thought about, marriage can be hard work sometimes and thats what people need to remember there will be good times and bad times and they need to be willing to work through it - except if a partner is cheating or something then to me they have broken there vows

Answer 6

Sure, it means you get 50% of what your spouse has in the divorce. Seriously, it's sad times. No one values that anymore. If there were consequences to behaviors that may cause a divorce, maybe people would think twice of not only behaving in such a manner, but of being absolutely sure that the person you marry is the person for you. The beauty of living here in the US is that you make your own choices without consequences most of the time. If our families were beheaded (I'm exaggerating of course) if we were unfaithful, things would be different, but really, who wants to live in a society like that?

Answer 7

We don't really know how far back this dates - I think that before, there was more of a social stigma attached to divorce, so people would stay married but sleep in separate beds and even keep separate lovers.

As far as New Gingrich's divorce - that's none of our business. Who knows the story behind that? I find it hard to believe that he divorced because she has cancer - few could really be that cold.

Answer 8

Yes, because even if it is just a piece of paper, the marriage license is a visible sign of the commitment and love that you have for each other. Also, if you are married its more difficult to leave the other person over stupid BS because you have to stop and thin for a second, " is this really worth a divorce over," instead of " hey thats it F U Im gone"

Answer 9

Living together (also called cohabitation) is FAR better than the legal shackles of marriage. As can readily be seen by the exponential increase in couples doing that today in the USA, vis-a-vis getting married. I recently heard that there now are more couples living together in the USA than there are married couples. If so -- GOOD for them!

Answer 10

a lame attempt to bash Newt Gingrich....

EDIT: There is always 2 SIDES to every story.

And basically, to answer the title of your question.....Marriage doesn't matter in America anymore. Its too easy to get a divorce and people know it. People ALWAYS take the easy way out and unfortunately they usually have kids that get hurt by their selfishness.