I have been trying to plan a surprise 40th for my hubby. The first banquet place sent paperwork to our home(i told them not to), he opened it. So i tried to plan a reunion with his college buddies that he hasn't seen from 1986. He would love that. Well i forgot to exit out of my email BEFORE i shut the laptop and he opened it...and once again discovered my plans. I was so upset, that i left the room to cool down. He came in to tell me he only saw the first few lines(i know thats BS)and that he really loved that i was doing that. That even if its not a surprise its still awesome. So i asked him who he'd like to see and he names an ex-girlfriend first. He says she is married now and i could invite her hubby. he says they were best buds. Thats all he wanted to see her for, that i believe, but he was insistent that i should ask her, she was on his top 5 of whom he'd like to see. I really don't want to host a get together/reunion with an ex-girlfriend..am i overeacting? its bugging me!
2007-06-21 02:28:34 · 29 answers · asked by imaschroeder 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it bothers me more because she was on his 22nd birthdayvideo. so i saw them kiss.....ugh! I love what you guys are saying, its helping me. KIM love that idea! I'm a little insecure iguess. I have put on alot of weight over the past 7 years we've been together. I have lost 15 pounds, so i'm slowing getting my life back in order. i have three months until then. I am 7 years younger than him, so maybe she'll have more crows feet! LOL! I think its alot to ask of me, but he would totally do it for me because he doesn't have a jealous bone in his body (damn it!) We are opposites thats for sure. I am not scary jealous, but i have quite the imaginantion....you tell me you have sex with someone, i picture it! I've seen him kiss her(18 years ago) and thats a visual i'd like to erase!
2007-06-21 03:08:47 · update #1
His 40th b-day celebration is causing WAY too many problems with you guys. I suggest planning a getaway for just the two of you.
2007-06-21 02:35:09 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only a little. BUT . . . it's normal to be curious about what happened to someone we once cared about, and he is being honest with you about that feeling, which means he feels safe telling you the truth. That is a very good thing. So you be a big girl, suck it up and invite them both, Exxi and spouse. The reason being . . . you are encouraging your husband to feel safe telling you his feelings in the future. I don't think you need to keep an eye on the two of them when they're together either. If he feels safe telling you the truth, he'll tell you what they've talked about. You should make an attempt to get to know her personally, yourself.
My children are grown, 36, 34, 27, and married, and just a few weeks ago were talking about their old friends. If one of them sees an old classmate or boy/girl friend, they are off and running about who they'd like to see again and it was 50/50, girls and guys.
I'm an old lady, married 40 years this year, and let me tell you, you can't keep Papa down on the farm unless he wants to be there. Or, Mama, either.
And telling each other the truth is the first step to getting there - being on the farm for 40 years, I mean. My husband is still the first face I want to see each day, if that tells you anything.
2007-06-21 02:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by Auntie Deb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok - is this guy absolutely brain dead? You may be overeacting, but every other woman alive would react the same way!! That is hurtful and disrespectful to you. Chances are he has no clue, men usually don't. Nothing like adding insult to injury!!!
I think you should be very clear about the way you feel. Try not to make it appear as though you are jealous, although I understand that may be difficult. Just explain to him that as a woman, you want to be the center of his attention on that very special night, and you aren't comfortable with the idea of one of his ex girlfriends being there. Out of love and respect for you, he SHOULD understand.
Now, another option.....while you are making the guest list, have it include a man from YOUR past. Tell him that you are going to invite him, and see how he reacts. Maybe that way he will understand your feelings a little better. Or, he will be absolutely fine with it, which would probably cause more hurt feeling.
I'm sorry this isn't turning out the way you anticipated. Try to cool off and then sit down and talk it over with your husband.
Good luck to you!
2007-06-21 02:45:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you're overreacting a little. I mean, it's not too serious thankfully. When you think about the people who made your high school/ college times the best- doesn't an ex or a member of the opposite sex pop into mind? He could feel a little insecure himself if the shoe was on the other foot. But we as women over analyze everything and that sets you at unease thinking the worse. Trust your husband and take the high road and invite this woman. It's been 20 years and you've had him all this time.. you're clearly the one he loves.
2007-06-21 02:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by Miranda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You won and he is with you so be the bigger person and invite her. There seems to be no spark between them today so you have nothing to worry about. If they all were such close friends her absence would be conspicuous and noticed.
Have you thought that you want some semblance of control over the situation since he keeps finding out your plans and they are no longer a "surprise"? The ex girlfriend may be the convenient way to take back control. If this is truly for him then make him happy. You have nothing to worry about.
2007-06-21 02:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by Someone somewhere doing something 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, before you invite her, give her a call and ask for some recent photos of her and your husband. Explain to her that you are putting together a "where are they Now" album for your husband, once you get the photos(you could do the album as well, that would be a surprise) see how she looks. It wouldn't be a bad idea to let him see what has become of his old flame. Might make him glad hes with you instead, but id use the photo to make sure i was one up on her.
2007-06-21 02:38:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
depends how long have you and your hubby been together..and if you cant trust it then you have no realtionship how many years ago is this since the ex and your hubby been together. i mean if you guys just got married and it has only been months then no way i wouldnt invite her but if it has been years then yes i would invite her. an Ex is an ex for a reason
2007-06-21 02:37:05 · answer #7 · answered by jessica H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a great idea, and yes you are overreacting. He is happily married she is also, plus what makes you think she'll come anyway and accept the invitation? a jealous woman is a insecure unattractive woman. Be the good wife you are invite all the friends and if they do come or dont, so, its his night, hope you do the right thing............
2007-06-21 02:45:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are confident in your relationship with your hubby there is no reason not to invite her and her spouse. if it is a reunion of course she should be there. i know it must bug you a lot but by doing this for your hubby he will see that you truly are a special lady and the ex could never compareto you. buy a killer outfit for the event!!
2007-06-21 02:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by wondering 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are over reacting. So what, he was good friend with her and he just wants to see her again. And besides you asked!! So you should just go along with it and get all the people that you think will make him happy. He will only love you more for it in the end.
Good luck.
2007-06-21 02:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by johanne 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋