here is a hard one for marriage?

Question

What would you do if you despised your husbands touch after something he did but feel so bad for him right now cause he is injured and can't take care of himself so you take care of him in all ways and would like your marriage to work but you know, like really know you despise him and he refuses to go to counceling with you. To top it off you have come to realize you have strong feelings for someone else someone who would treat you right, would you still try to stay in your marriage like i'm trying too. I just would rather have my marriage work but he is just making me so depressed.

Answer 1

No you need to end the marriage. I lived like that
for 10 years (married 23) and I finally had the nerve to tell him I didn't think that our relationship
was healthy. It took awhile for him to understand
(or should I say to find someone new to look after
him) because after he did he left pronto.....I personally feel 100% better and and finally happy.
And he only 4 days after our divorce was final
remarried. So it doesn't take long to be replaced.
About the other person keep them far away from
the situation as possible especially if you have
children, until things blow over because you will
be deemed the bad guy. The most imoportant
thing though is for you to BE HAPPY!!!! Because
life is too short.

Answer 2

That is a hard one. I am a strong believer that if you said yes in front of God to a man forever, you really meant it and nothing should change that, even as the seasons pass. Ok, so you despise him for something he did. Take care of him, as a wife should do, always be there for him, but I would also talk to him calmly and explain to him how he hurt you. Most problems these days with couples is the lack of communication, everyone is trying to talk and doesn't listen. Put that other peron you mention to one side, focus on your marriage. If in the end, he is not respecting you ro doing anything to make things right, well then I could consider the option of separating. Are there children in the middle?

Answer 3

1) the saying is the 'grass is always greener on the other side' because it always seems that way. even if you think you are going into the perfect situation, sooner or later, the grass will look greener somewhere else. this other man you have feelings for is also imperfect. I promise.

2) I heard a speech from an Indian born American preacher on marriage. His brother asked his parents to find him a wife. The family arranged a wife for him from India. As the brother was leaving to marry her, the speaker asked, 'But what if you don't love her?' to which the brother replied, 'Of course I'll love her, she'll be my wife.' He had decided that he loved her already. Love is a decision even more than a chemical reaction involving hormones.

It sounds like you have a moral compulsion to stay married because that is the kind of person you see yourself as. That's great and admirable and I wish everyone was like that. But you have decided that your husband is despicable. You've created your own trap.

I don't know what he did to you, but you can decide to show him love even if he doesn't deserve it. And really, if he beats you or forces you to commit crimes or something like that, heck, have him arrested. Then wait for him while he's in jail.

It's hard, I know. The other option is a lifetime of searching for the perfect man to make you happy. Good luck finding him.

Answer 4

Honestly your not really helping your marriage because in your mind you already have someone else. The grass may be greener on the other side when it comes to marriage but the thing is you have to realize why you married him. Theres a reason for everything. If he refuses to go to counsiling you have to tell him how you feel. Why would you just leave him and he won't have a clue that you felt that way. Try communication. Divorce is always the last straw. You have to figure it out for yourself and see if you marriage means anything to you. Good Luck.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you are battling your moral conscience right now. You were married and you feel an obligation to keep this marriage so you are doing the maryter thing and sacrificing yourself for what you feel is right, and I can understand that, Now is the sticky issues: Since you dispise your husbands touch I would assume he had a sexual experiance with someone else and you found out about it? If thats the case that is a marriage vowel breaker, its called adultery. Then you go on to say he refuses to go to counseling, if he loved you and wanted to make things work out he would be willing to do whatever it took to salvage the marriage, so it sounds to me like he is not willing to accept his part in the crisis, then you state he is injured? permantly? or will he recover? if it is permantly are you ready to feel this way for the rest of your life? if he recovers then what? Pitty is a shallow feeling, only true love and lloyalty can overcome these problems and to me it doesn't sound like he wants to and what you feel is guilt because you don't want to leave him injured, Think about how you feel can you live the rest of your life with the hurt and betrayl?
in the end you will end up a bitter old woman who hates herself and him

Answer 6

Well have you actually sat down at talked to him about how you're feeling? If he refuses to go to counseling with you then thats a problem. Maybe you should let him know that you feel counseling is the only way your marriage is going to work and that you're ready to leave if he's not willing to at least try something that may save your marriage. If he still refuses then obviously he doesn't want to be with you bad enough. And just because he's ill doesn't mean that you're obligated to stay with him. You're doing him and yourself a disgrace by being with him out of pitty. So just sit down and have a SERIOUS talk with him. Hopefully he'll see that you're not playing and is willing to work it out with you. Marriage is something hard and its not meant to be thrown away. So try that and see what happens. I wish you the best of luck

Answer 7

Well, if you REALLY want to fix it, it is possible.

Right now your husband probably doesn't much like a man (protector, provider, etc.). He probably feels no respect for himself, and that you have no respect for him either. That is absolutely devastating to a man, and he is probably very hateful, very short tempered and generally unpleasant to be around, right? This is what men do when they feel that they have lost their value.

He needs respect just like you need love.

You can change how he feels but, you probably won't like how to do it.
You have to show him lots of respect, please hear me out.
I don't mean that you have respect him, just show him respect. Try just once telling him how and why you respect him (anything that you can think of that is respectable about him) and see the reaction from him.

To try continuing on with this treat him as you would a man of a great position and importance to you. I know this sounds impossible at this point but, it is possible.

Try it, you will get a response from him.

P.S. It's very unlikely to inflate his ego, almost all men want very much to make their wives happy when they get respect from them.

Answer 8

Why are you despising him so much. If he is treating you badly and making you unhappy on purpose don't feel bad get on with your life. But if he has no idea and he hasn't done anything to make you feel this way rather try to communicate with him.

Answer 9

If you despise him then you r a fool to stay w/ him... help or no help..... you cannot be w/ a man you do not passionately love..... This is why you r depressed. The fact he needs you is 1 thing . if you loved him you would do this no questions asked but b/c you do not like him u r hurting both of you..... U need to be honest w/ yourself....and him .... A horrible life w/ someone you do not love is not life....

Answer 10

Happiness isn't worth giving up just to save a marriage.