Mindless Batter
He was shot buy a guerilla bullet and thrown into a mass grave
Betrayed by the very people he had come from far to save
Seekers of truth and justice will never stop to quail
For when the cause is noble it is glorious even to fail.
2007-06-20 21:11:49 · 14 answers · asked by sabrewilde666 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Some of you were right. That was only half of the poem. I didn't put up the entire poem caz i didn't like the way it sounded and it didn't have that 'impact' feel to it like the first part. But here's the entire poem.
He was shot buy a guerilla bullet and thrown into a mass grave
Betrayed by the very people he had come from far to save
Seekers of truth and justice will never stop to quail
For when the cause is noble it is glorious even to fail.
Hear my plea, when you've done
So much wrong for all the right you see
Stop the blood from spilling
And the pain from hurting
As they lie amidst this bedlam
With eyes wide shut to
Get down at the 12th station
2007-06-21 03:31:17 · update #1
It is intense! Symbolic not just of some country's liberation or specific problem of ideology, but of a global, human, intensity from the cauldron that the world may well be at this moment, a cauldron of passions, whirlpool&eddy of churning, confused issues relevant and not-so-relevant to human progress and advancement, terrorisms and overplayed activisms on many fronts -- i am sure, if you had continued to compose and punched in a few more lines (thoughts), you would have asserted that failure is a glory, because it is the stepping stone to victory, in a noble cause pitched against the guerillas and their bullets, against the betrayal, against un-truth and injustice, on a global level! (do write more! but, why so intense!)
2007-06-20 21:47:56 · answer #1 · answered by swanjarvi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it but there must be more.
At the moment, it suggests that the person in the mass grave was fighting in a country that was not his own. If it was someone who returned home from afar that might be different.
I'm a little unsure about someone deciding to save a people when it is obvious that there are, at least, some of them who do not agree with his cause. They would therefore not believe his cause was noble.
I suggest you have a look at some of the WW1 War poets like Wilfrid Owen, Rupert Brooke and Siegfried Sassoon. Dying in a battle far from home (if this was the case in your poem) is rarely glorious and it is unfair on young suggestible men to imply that it is.
2007-06-21 04:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by p00kaah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its intense and you should write more with this one play with us a little. The first line jumps at you so much that by the ending you waiting for some more, dont drop it there take us down slowly. hope i made sense. good stuff
2007-06-21 07:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by no10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How glorious is it, really, to be buried in a mass grave? Are you intentionally being ironic?
2007-06-21 06:59:36 · answer #4 · answered by Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great use of ryhming words! I think you go very deep(in a good way).Very Powerful.I love it!
2007-06-21 06:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
shorter poems work better! unless of course you're walt whitman..
2007-06-21 07:15:04 · answer #6 · answered by realyannick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't change it it works as a short poem, well done
2007-06-21 05:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by ludo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Words to ponder...
2007-06-21 09:16:07 · answer #8 · answered by wendyonisland 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is great ! I love it
2007-06-21 04:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by Rotizzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is beautiful, but incomplete, please finish it, i can't wait to read the rest.
2007-06-21 07:12:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋