Why does intimacy die when you get married?

Question

I keep hearing that the sex stops after you get married. Why is that? How do the guys feel about this, and what do you do to correct the problem?

Answer 1

It only dies when you let it. Marriage is a full time job, you have to work at it. Sometimes it's a snap, other times it can seem overwhelming. In the end it gives you back what you put into it.

Answer 2

Actually . . . I have never been married . . . but from what everyone I know who IS tells me . . . marriage is the START of TRUE "intimacy".

Once you are married, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to not been seen for who you REALLY are and not how you "present" yourself. You dont close the bathroom door anymore . . . .you see each other at your WORST and if you can STILL live with each other , well . . . then you are doing extremely well.

Thats what TRUE "intimacy" IS. Seeing someone at their WORST and still loving and living with them.

Sex and intimacy are not one and the same. You can have sex without being "intimate". . . . in fact that's what people DO. They have sex with each other when they FEEL, LOOK and ACT like their show-stopping BEST.

Not possible during intimacy.

The wild, unbridled passionate sex you had BEFORE you were "intimate" still had so many UNKNOWNS and was EXCITING. Once married, that excitement morphs into something else. . . . and the strong "desire to mate" starts to take a back seat to everyday life.

I have found (in long lasting "realtionships" over 2 years or more) , you REALLY start to become intimate wether you want to or not . . . and the way to keep the SEX fresh and exciting is to NOT RUSH THE INTIMACY whe possible. TO actually SEPARATE sex from intimacy . . . and to UNDERSTAND there is a difference between the two.

Ways to help do this are to keep certain things "private" . . and maintain a certain level of "mystery" on a healthy level, such as not parading around naked infront of each other . . . so that being together naked is still a "special" , unusual thing that can be LOOKED FORWARD to.

Keep the bathroom door closed when you are in there alone because people who TOO OPENLY share a bathroom are on the shortest road to "intimacy".

Don't share every single thought you have with each other because there is alot to be said about that which is never said.

Keep the mood light and fun whenever possible. "SERIOUS" is not the right WORD to use describe a "SERIOUS relationship". When the mood is SOMBRE, DOWN or even DEPRESSING and SAD, that is when the SEX . . . . is on it's way there too.

You get the idea.

:)

Answer 3

Well it only stops because you want it to stop. The first year of marriage is nothing but sex for most people. After that first year you just become use to each other and you both will have to spice things up in the bedroom. Intimacy is i think the number 2 killer of all marriages. If there is none then one or the other will go looking for it somewhere else. You just have to keep it intresting in the bedroom or kitchen or dinning room or livingroom, car you get the picture.

Answer 4

Hello. Been married for a year so far. Our intimacy hasn't died yet, but I can see how it could. We have a 1 year old infant. Once kids get into the picture, you find yourself with very little time for each other. Its kind of a double edged sword scenario where you are really comfortable with each other, but you are less motivated to go out of your way for each other. So what do you do about it...You schedule time for you and your wife as 1st priority each and every day of your lives. Everything else in life is scheduled around that time. If you are doing stuff that will limit that, you change that about your life and not the time you spend with your spouse. The only cure is time and attention for each other.

Answer 5

that isnt always the case! Sometimes its because both work and both feel tired after a long day at work so intimacy slows down, but in my personal opinion this doesnt have to happen, i like to have inimacy with my partner because i feel loved and i feel good when i do it with him. the thing is is that you need to approach intimacy as though you both are still in the dating phase! :) dress up for him, for the guys :: BE ROMANTIC :: get her flowers .....fill her tub with bubbles and rose petals bath her.......be sensual , once in a while this cant really hurt and if both parties are willing to do this than intimacy wont be a problem in the marriage.

Answer 6

because peole do not learn good communication skills before getting married,it should be nesessary to go on marridge guidence courses beofre marridge so one can deal with not just intimacy problems,but also when children come along and as things generaly change as you years go by.In most relationship problesm there appears to be a rut..the element of FUN is always missing.I have been with my partner 9 years now and we have two children,sometimes we need to make the effort to spend time together..people work longer hours these day and there does not seem to be a "family structure" in which to build on.
computers,mobile phones are all great ,but in essesce it intrudes on peoples relationships.


Janine

Answer 7

because people think that intimacy is a way to hook a good catch.

you have to make a conscious effort to maintain affection for your partner.

do silly little things like you did when you were dating or just starting out. surprise them and do your best to not let the past slights and mistakes cloud your view of them.
dont hold grudges.


flirt! so what your married. flirt and tease your partner. change things up.

Answer 8

this might end becuse the 'spark' is lost, meaning there is still love there but not as much as before, a way to correct the problem is to (like every few months or so) you and your mate to to a intimate trip somewhere; or also seek marriage counseling

Answer 9

Ive been married for 13 years. My wife and I have 6 boys. Who says it dies. We are yet going strong. It only dies if you let it and if you give in.

Answer 10

I have been married ten years. That's not always the case. It dies if you let it.