She graduated from high school last May. When she goes to stay a few days with her friends, she will call me and everything is nice. I love you Mom, how are things going, I miss you, and it's perfect. But, when she gets home things are go to shi_. I can ask for her to do something around the house and she may get to it in 2 days. And I get attitude if I ask again.But, if one of her friends call she jumps up and does whatever they need.
Now, she decided tonight she needed to move out. I feel so sad. We got into in again. My oldest daughter helps alot and I don't get no lip out of her. She doesn't have a job and we are restoring her car. I tried to ask how they are going to pay for rent, food and utilities. And I just get attitude.
I did go deliver a kitchen table to the house. I wasn't sure if she would be home or not. I asked and She wasn't sure. We are supposed to go to Oklahoma City this weekend for a company dinner. I couldn't get a answer then for sure either.
2007-06-20 16:49:09 · 15 answers · asked by beckster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I was the same way to my mom at that age and I regret it now more than ever, and know that she will too, and things DO get better. Since I moved out, my mom and I speak and see eachother more than when I was in the house. It is purely based on her age, and maybe her friends. But the more you control the harder she'll push away. She will learn from her mistakes. It is important that she knows you love her, which i'm sure she does. And when she moves out, just let her knwo that although you may not like it, you still love her and your door will always be open to her.
2007-06-20 16:53:35 · answer #1 · answered by heat2121 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She Graduated High School, she is already considered an adult (For once one graduates High School -- that is also a sign that they are now adults and able to take on adult responsibilities).
And ... she is moving out .. and it sounds like she has done so for the most part already. She is not telling you everything, she is disappearing, she does not feel any obligation to help out around the home ... but is perfectly at home in USING you for a 'convenient' (and FREE) hotel service and maid service when she needs it.
CLOSE The pocketbook, don't take anything over, and let her move out on her own. She (like all young adults) needs to learn the lessons that independence and poor choices can teach (which are consequences) and if you don't allow this to happen -- you could be used forever by this child.
LET HER GO -- you are done, you did your best, and she does have her High School Diploma (and there are many parents who have children who never got that far in life). So count your blessings and ENJOY and take care of yourself too. It does you no good to fret --- and (obviously) ... the daughter does not care much for you at this moment (especially with her at home conduct and 'attitudes').
Remember .. Birdies must fly from the nest at some time ... and the time is right now!
2007-06-20 17:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's awful, isn't it? One of the hardest things kids go through is separating their identities from their parents and becoming an adult. For some kids, the only way they can figure out to do this is to push their parents away, often in painful ways.
I'd let her moveout, but make it clear that you expect her to support herself. If you want to leave a door open for her to come back, go ahead, but let her know there will be conditions and be clear about them.
Stop bending over backward. It feels like loving kindness to you, but she just feels 'mothered.' Take your trip without her. She wants space, so give it to her.
Don't get sucked into her drama. If she says cruel things or yell at her, calmly tell her that's not okay. Don't reciprocate, don't lecture, don't yell. Let her know that you love her.
You've done what you can do. It's up to her now. In a few years, you'll both probably look back at this time and laugh.
Good luck.
2007-06-20 16:58:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone who said to just let her go for awhile. Don't cut her off emotionally, but just tell her if she wants to be an adult, she can be. Then, when she can't find an apartment because she is under the age of 18, tell her she can stay with you, but with some ground rules. If she doesn't want to follow the rules, she can find someone else to stay with. My brother is doing the exact same thing. It breaks my mom's heart, but the more she lets go, the better things get. A lot of kids I know think that everyone owes them something when they graduate from high school. It doesn't necessarily mean you spoiled them, just that they have watched too much tv and have an idealized view of the world! :)
2007-06-20 17:04:05 · answer #4 · answered by mountain_laurel1183 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there with my daughter but she was a bit older.
My suggestion is let her go and see that her friends are not going to tolerate her not doing her share of housekeeping. In my daughters case, they left everything dirty and expected her to clean it.
Right now she thinks it will be fun and a party. However, she will have to work for a living and if she is planning on college she will have to pay her own way. I think she will be fine and it is a lesson for her to learn. Afterall many kids this age leave home to live near colleges.
She will be out of your house because she is feeling the need to be independent. This is fine and you need to be there if she needs advice but don't give her advice if not asked for. My daughter gets upset.So I let her learn the hard way.
2007-06-20 17:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by Stormchaser 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a typical teenager argument. If she wants to move out, there is not much you can really do. If she does, I would not help her at all. Let her feel what the real world is like. Downpayments, rent, utilities, bills, car insurance, car note, let her have it all. If she wants to be an adult, let her see how it really is. Give it a couple of months, if she lasts that long, then she will appreciate all you do then.
2007-06-20 16:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by bayoubelle24 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's 17, she know everything. give her time in about 2 years shell say mom, you were right, and as far as the trip goes, go have fun, why should you miss out. You've done more than enough.
2007-06-20 16:53:20 · answer #7 · answered by donnakygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
properly, curiously you have been too lenient with your daughter or have been too lots of a pushover for her to think of that ingesting is appropriate and having no concern of punishment in getting intoxicated on your place and brazenly disobeying you. That or your daughter is having some extreme subject concerns, no longer making her care related to the outcomes even nevertheless they're inevitable. you ought to confirm the reason of her strikes and act upon it. putting your foot down, in seek of out counseling for her, removing her automobile,no acquaintances and so on.
2016-10-18 05:19:49 · answer #8 · answered by kuhns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is time to let her go get an apartment, but you stop paying for her stuff. let her feel what it is like to be on her own. Your going to be there when she needs to come home, but she will respect you a little more. Good luck
2007-06-20 16:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by cheoli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her move. You can't really stop her, anyway. Even the police wouldn't make her go back home, since she's 17.
Don't nag, don't yell. She WILL grow up. It'll take a while.
2007-06-20 17:21:46 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋