How can you tell a person that what they are saying or doing is making your bipolar worse without seeming manipulative or always talking about bipolar stuff? I have bipolar disorder pretty bad, and it's now just a little bit controlled with medications. Every morning I am in hell, for 7 days of PMS every month I am in hell, and then randomly other times, but mostly OK. So then my husband will start chewing me out for forgetting something (a symptom of bipolar, my memory is very very bad) or not thinking right (another symptom) and I tell him to lay off because I am getting suicidal, then it's me being manipulative? I don't know what to do, I really CAN'T handle criticism most of the time. I take my meds, go to counseling, go to support groups, and force myself to do stuff as much as I can. But it's never good enough, because my meds make me sleep 11+ hours a night, and I have such severe symptoms all the time. How can I get the break I need and be fair to my spouse?
2007-06-20 16:00:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
It seems critical that your spouse go the doc and counseling appointments with you so he can begin to understand how to be a real partner in your treatment. You shouldn't have to deal with this all alone. He did sign-up for better or for worse. If he is not willing to do that I would begin to ask myself what kind of partner he really is.
2007-06-20 16:06:02 · answer #1 · answered by artgal1285 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh no! This is NOT your fault. I don't think there is ANYTHING remotely *manipulative* about confronting your husband and telling him how he is making you feel. But phrase it in such a way that it doesn't sound as if you are accusing him. Say something like, "Hon, I really would like to talk to you about my bipolar symptoms. I'm doing all I can to solve my horrible symptoms. There is no manipulation involved here. Maybe we could both attend a session with my counselor so that you would understand a little more of what my disease is about- you might even find this very informative! I think this would be very good for our marriage. What are your feelings on the subject?" You ARE doing all you can, you know. You're taking your meds, you're seeing your counselor, you attend support groups (and you should be very very PROUD of yourself for having the sheer energy involved to participate in all of that. I too am moderately bipolar along with my clinical depression. Maybe your husband needs to be educated a little more about what being bipolar is all about! (hell on earth) One thing you wrote stuck in my mind. *and force myself to do stuff as much as I can* This worries me. You should NEVER force yourself to do too much. I tried that before, and I was extremely unhappy. Do what feels comfortable and safe to you. I wish you all the best.
2007-06-21 00:50:40 · answer #2 · answered by PURR GIRL TORI 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to keep a journal and write down the problems you are having - write down your moods, how much sleep you are getting every day, etc and tell your doctor - - You should be telling your doctor you are sleeping 11+ hours a day - you need to tell your doctor your symptoms. It may help to bring your spouse to your appointments, but the main problem is you are having problems that you aren't getting help with - and it isnt' really him. You need medical intervention and they can't help you if you don't tell them everything. You have to keep more detailed records - that's one thing your husband can do - he can help you by recording how much sleep you get, by recording your mood.
It isn't right for him to criticize you often, but in some regards he's not being unreasonable, he needs you to be functional,and it's frustrating for him, -it's not that he doesnt' care.
Suicide isn't an option - and you need to stop using that as a threat, I'd be upset too. Do you really want your husband to have to bury you and have to live alone without you? It's terribly selfish. If you are suicidal, you need to tell your doctors. If they have to hospitalize you then they do. But try to do well yourself before you tell them, if you can't then get help.
who is managing all the meds- med combinations can be life threatening - if you are taking many meds - you need someone (primary doctor) managing all the pills, and not just the psych pills, the Psychiatrist manages the psych pills, but they can interact with other drugs.
a positive attitude can help a great deal.
a sense of humor helps more than anything. I was able to keep a good sense of humor following the death of my wife, and so I know if can be done in bad situations. Get some books on comedy writing, etc - learn how to construct jokes. Humor is the #1 thing that can help with depression - pills don't do the job. Learn to view life from a comic perspective. If I just lived in reality all day I'd be depressed also. I've suffered extensively. You need to be careful how you speak - things happen because of what you say - you need to be very careful.
IF you want to die - let me know so I won't help you - I only want to help people who want to live. If you have your made up to die, then you'll probably die.
Nobody knows what bipolar is or what causes it - all they know is you have mood swings - that's all they know about bipolar. You may or may not be bipolar.
this web site can help you. http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/03_treatment_app.html
I dont' have all the answers.
you will get more needs met by caring for others than you will by trying to get them to care for you. It took me a long time to learn that.
DO NOT TELL ANYONE THAT YOU ARE BIPOLAR - email me if you want to know why.
Except your husband and doctors.
Your current med regimen isn't healty - you need to tell your doctors what symptoms you are having. We can't help you with that.
Doctors have these charts where you can chart your moods, and sleep - it's important that you do that.
Oh well, I'm sure I've irritated you by now.
2007-06-24 13:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by on_the_move4ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not bi-polar but I have a daughter in law who is.
Bless her heart she like you sleeps a lot and tries very hard, takes the meds her doctor tells her to but until your meds and counseling get you leveled out you are going to have good and bad days. Maybe get your hubby to leave notes for you on what he needs you to do, try to explain to him that you are not "acting out" like a child would but you have an illness, just like any other illness, he needs to give you a chance to "get well". Would he treat you this way if you had cancer? I think not. Tell him you are doing your best to help your self and that you don't intend to hurt him by "not thinking right" or what ever that you are trying to be the person you know you can be. And it would help you to get well if he would try a little harder to be more understanding. Hope this helps Sweetie, pray for God to help you get through this and don't loose hope. Please don't do anything to yourself. That is selfish. You would hurt everyone in this world who cares about you. Just hold on and when you get these feelings just pray for God to help you.
2007-06-20 23:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anniej 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the way I would handle this is I would put everything that is happening in writing and then put in writing his response and then how it makes you feel and then show it to him.
Sometimes putting this on paper works better than saying it because the words get turned around or you forget how you are going to say it and you say it with the wrong tone or something. This way there is no tone to worry about and it is something in writing that he can look back on.
2007-06-20 23:30:28 · answer #5 · answered by Christine P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use the nicest tone you can to say " honey I am really having a hard time with this now. I know you want to talk but can we talk later?"
2007-06-20 23:11:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm very sorry. your spouse needs to understand or you need a new spouse.
2007-06-20 23:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by KJC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋