My live in fiancee and I disagree about something. I have a 3 1/2 year old son with him. I also have a 16 1/2 year old son from my first marriage. He, as well and his mother thinks that my 16 1/2 year old is not his responsibility. I, as well as my family think that since we live together like we are already married, and have been since October 2003, that he should be a father figure figure to my son and should help with the discipline, and all aspects of everything. Who is right?
2007-06-20 13:13:02 · 11 answers · asked by got2bmeinsc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree that he should be a father figure, most exp IF the 16yr old's father is not.
2007-06-20 13:16:55 · answer #1 · answered by Rumisha R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slightly used women sometimes come with children, like arms and legs. If you cannot love her arms and legs, and fulfill the responsibilities that go with that, then you do not love her. The point is that these children in your household will one day come back for turkey, and if you are married people, they should call it 'home'.
If your son has a very rich interaction with his father, then it is inappropriate for your fiance to interfere in that, but if your son does not have a father figure, then it was fairly obvious that this was part of his job description as head of your household. You came with a child.
And why, if you have a child together, and have shared a household for 4 years, has he not married you? In most places it takes less than a week to arrange, and after you have a child there is no need for fanfare... I think you are just a pleasant hobby, and he has no intention (or perhaps no ability) to be the head of your household.
You are not a family, you are people who live in the same house with no commitments. He and his mother are completely correct... as of now he has managed to maintain his status as a mere house pet without commitment to any responsibility.
If his status as a house pet is acceptable to you, quit complaining about it and let it ride... If it is not...
2007-06-20 13:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should definitely be active in the upbringing of you older son. You are definitely right about this. However since your son is 16 1/2 he might be more resistant to discipline from him. How have things been for the past four years? If he has been uninvolved for a period that long- it will be quite sudden if he turns around and starts taking an active part in your son's life. But he definitely should make him his responsibility as well.
2007-06-20 13:20:36 · answer #3 · answered by Maaya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have a 16 year old that means you weren't born yesterday, whats your man still doing asking advice from his mom? if he wants to be a man, he should take responsibility as the head of the family (which he is not, since u are not married) if u were married. as a live in fiancee, maybe he is right, if u plan to get married u are right. why aren't u married, its your house, he isn't paying mortgage, how much can a ring cost ? since 2003, thats 4 years, do u guys plan to get married or are u just living in together.
2007-06-20 13:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to marry this man - you and he should agree on what a family is. I would think - he should be a father figure and share in those responsibilities - But, if he thinks because he did not help create that child that he should not be a parent - then tlak more - before marriage - step families are hard enough.
2007-06-20 13:17:36 · answer #5 · answered by geminijeanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just get married! Show your son that this is a serious relationship and not just a "live-in"!! Make a commitment to your sons and give them a father!! THEN, your son can start reLATING to him as a father!!! He probably won't take the man seriously until YOU DO!
2007-06-20 13:27:22 · answer #6 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither is right. You can't think that it has to be one way completely or the other.
He is Not the father and should not have that weight on him. Disciplining a16 yr old is hard enough when you are the birth parent, think how effective it would be for your husband. He Should be a role model and help with some things...homework,advice, rides.....but not discipline.
2007-06-20 13:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by mahdiya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares who is right, you've asked your live in fiance for help raising your son and he said no. What can you do now, force him? Don't be silly. Your son is your responsibility and it's just a shame that you picked a man who doesn't want to help, he sounds rather selfish and perhaps you aren't very good at picking men?
2007-06-20 13:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it a question of right and wrong? You've probably dealt with
the issue since 2003... Maybe the question is do I accept this person as he is; do the posatives outweigh the negatives? Maybe he's letting you keep the discipline agreements with your ex. intact... Howabout family counciling? Best of luck and congrats. for both kids :)
2007-06-20 13:45:52 · answer #9 · answered by Answernian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes he should help discipline but that's hard to say since the first child is so old. he should be a positive role model in his life not his father unless the boy wants him to be; your older son already has a father and is likely to reject his "stepfather" if he tries to force the father role.
2007-06-20 13:17:41 · answer #10 · answered by Beautiful G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋