Iam 23 and my girlfriend is 22,when she came to visit me she refused to go back, we had been in love for three years and we had been staying together for one year ,the probleme is that i do not want to marry at this age because i want to continue with my studies, but when i tell her to go back to her parents and i consertrate on my books , she say that she will kill herself than going back home, am confused i do not want her to die.another probleme iam not financially stable to look after her and again pay my scool fees. when i told her about this she did not listen to me, i had tried to send her home/parents but she goes there and comes back to my place. please help me?
2007-06-20 11:58:46 · 18 answers · asked by muroarli 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
she sounds like acontrol freak n to be honest its time to be harsh if u ever want to achieve anything in life. for a start this goes without saying if she loved you enough she would wait for you. its not like your being unsensible or avoidant, may be try to make her look into the future and make see that you need to finish your course to have a better future, make sure you involve hger into this like telling her you dont want her to struggle in future and thats why your aiming to pass this course and by doing this she must give you space to let you get on with it. Tell her time will go by you 2 will see each other as much as you can and keep in touch and love will grow stronger because you are both giving each other that chance to bond and miss each other. Make her understand how important it is to you and that you have a life time together to be together in future but for now you gotta do what you gotta do and that you worked hard to get to where u r! Ask her if she wants a better life and of course like any normal human being she will say yes and she gotta give you that chance and trust you. If she still refuses then you have to think about yourself and be selfish for once and how ever way you end up doing this you may have to lose her, I am a uni student too and it hasnt been easy for me but it took me along time to get me here and althou u may not be financialy stable at least ur honest and id be proud of the fact youve got ur head screwed on! I wish you all the best and hey ots ur life in the end think long term and that will you give you the answer to what action you want to take ya ! xx
2007-06-20 22:46:46 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a sticky situation here. I don't know how you can possibly solve your problem without hurting your lady friend. So here goes. There are two potential solutions. 1) Be firm with her. Insist that she leave and not come back on her own until and unless you send for her.Tell her that financially and with respect to your studies, she is a burden .2). Break up with and end the relationship with her.I don't know your feelings for her though you did say you have been together for a year.She appears to be the clinging type who feels somehow estranged from her parents and sees you as her way out of her parents home. I also suspect her suicide threat is a play on your sympathy ...after all it has worked so far. What ever you decide to do , you have to be firm and resolute.Good luck .You are going to need it.
2007-06-20 12:22:58 · answer #2 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not careful, you are going to get your own fatal attaction. (a movie from 87 that everyman should watch) You need to call her parents and explain to them your situation. Have them come get her. She isn't your responsiblity, so you can't allow her to guilt you into staying with her because she says she'll kill herself. You need to pull away now. It has gone as far as it should. You need to understand she will get more crazy. Tell her you want her out. Give her a few weeks. If she doesn't go, call the police, file a restraining order, and be prepared. when she is out, get a male freind (male is important because a female could send her over the deep end and come after you) to move in with you. He can be a witness to her craziness and be your back up if you need it. If your parents are close, talk to your dad and have him help you. Good Luck
2007-06-20 12:08:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, the telling you that she will kill herself is emotional blackmail. And because she may be serious, you should take her serious by calling the cops next time she says it. If she is talking suicide then a professional needs to deal with her. If she is trying to blackmail you, then she needs to learn that there are consequences to her words/actions.
Second, tell her that she is not allowed at your house anymore. Meet her out but don't let her stay at your place. If she shows up, call the police due to trespassing (and possibly harrassment). She needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself instead of forcing you to be responsible for her.
On a third note....I know you didn't ask because you love her, but you need to move on without her because she has problems that you should not have to deal with and honestly only a professional can help her.
2007-06-20 12:11:18 · answer #4 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love her and it will be tough to do this, but you have to throw her out. If you think she really will kill herself, contact the police and they will tell you who to contact to keep her safe. You are right to want to concentrate on your studies at this point in your life. Having a girlfriend is one thing, but having one who expects you to take care of her while you have other things going on in your life is a totally different matter. She sounds to me like she needs help. Good luck!
2007-06-20 12:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just dump her and tell her you will not put up with this selfishness, and if she wants to kill herself, go do it somewhere else.
Harsh I know, but you do not need this girl in your life. You are wise to concentrate on your studies, but this girl is what we call "high maintenance" She want what she wants and she wants it now.
She needs to be taught the lesson that her drama queen antics will not work and she needs to look at how she behaves, as this is just selfish and ignorant.
2007-06-20 12:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her she can either go home 4 u 2 get the qualifications u need 2 keep her or she can stay there and u can b skint 4 the rest of ur life
2007-06-20 12:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that may be she could get an apartment near by and yall could see each other every now and agsing but if she wants you to be there for her in the future then she needs to give you space right now
2007-06-20 12:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by allexus L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her parents need to support her. Get on the phone to them and tell them what is happening. If they decide not to help their own daughter then you are all she's got. How much do you love her?
2007-06-20 21:07:39 · answer #9 · answered by powder 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call ERS or whatever equivalent service is available in your area. She'll hate you for it now but she isn't a whole person if she's acting this way. You may lose her but it's the only moral thing to do.
2007-06-20 12:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋