How long should I wait?

Question

My wife and I are getting divorced. It's in the process and we go to the lawyers next Monday. I think it will be final then. I've been seeing this wonderful new lady (the woman I left my wife for---being honest here) and she wants to have kids. I do to, but I don't want to until we're married. I'm gonna propose to her on her B-day next month. I have two daughters from my soon to be ex wife and I don't want to make them feel awkward, but I really want to get my lady pregnant this year. How long should we wait? I'm 33 and she's gonna be 29. She has no kids.

I didn't want to add this on here, but my new lady was married and was pregnant. She lost the baby and is getting divorced too. We just want to be happy.

Answer 1

Tambourine Man, you seem to have a lot going on....if I recall not a minute ago I answered a drug related question for you....of course I had no idea you had a wife and children. Now you are divorcing this current wife to move into another marriage to possibly start a new family. Your question here is, how long should you wait before you get married again and have another child?

What goes around comes around I agree with a few of the other answers you are selfish and you are not thinking about your daughters. If their mother isn't happy they aren't going to be very happy. You are about to put yourself in more trouble than you think. This new lady friend of yours is crazy...if you cheated on your first wife with TWO DAUGHTERS she is stupid not think you won't possibly do it again with her and your possible new child. You need to think long and hard before you get into another marriage. Marriage isn't the dating game dude...you can't just do the....here today gone tomorrow because the grass is greener...marriage is work! And your children aren't cabbage patch dolls...you can't just play with them whenever then throw them in the corner because you are bored or tired....this is real life!!!! There are consequences for all your actions!! Stop thinking about YOU and your current bed partner...and think about the future of your kids...you aren't ready for marriage so soon...you need to go to counseling....you aren't ready to father another child...I don't care what she wants...you can't take care of the two you got!!! You need to grow up and stop thinking about your dingaling and think about the future of your children...think about this it's bad to have one MAD baby mamma but it is going to be HELL to have TWO MAD baby mamma's!!!

Answer 2

Go with your gut-- wait until you get married. And to take it a step farther, I recommend that you wait until you've been married for a couple of years to give you time to get used to being married to each other and to give the children you already have time to get used to not having Dad around on a regular basis.

I could be wrong, but it almost seems like it's possible that she wants kids NOW because she wants to replace the ones you already have. I'd look deep before you leap to get the new wife pregnant. It's interesting that this is the woman you cheated on your wife with. The fact that she even wants to get pregnant so soon is her way to so-call 'lock' you in and to give you children herself so she doesn't have to deal with the ones you already have...and to add insult to your current wife's injuries, she'll get pregnant even before the ink on the divorce papers dry. That's mean-spirited and conniving and if I was you, I'd think twice about marrying this one at all.

I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, but I've seen it happen. Man gets a new wife and has new kids and the 'old' kids suddenly become invisible...hope you don't let that happen to the kids you already have.

You're already going through one divorce and don't want to set yourself up for additional children until you've been married for at least a couple of years this second time.

Answer 3

Take it slow. Let the divorce be final before plunging in for round 2. You may feel that you want kids now, like right now but you don't want to be sitting here in a few years talking about going to talk to the attorney again and having now 4 kids with 2 ex wives so take your time with it. Set the marriage date out at least a year. to avoid the awkwardness of it.

Answer 4

This is a very personal and hurtful situation for all parties involved. If you want a baby that is great but don't forget about the family that you already made and I pray that you daughters would welcome another child and get along well with the woman that you plan to marry and I hope that this woman treats your current children well. I PRAY that you can come to the right decision and not hurt anyone else.

Answer 5

As somebody who cheated on his first wife, I'd hate to see you bring more children into the world. You want us to believe that you're concerned about your daughters feeling awkward? Give me a break. You seem to be in a big hurry to replace them. Wait until they grow up and realize you dumped your wife and them for somebody else with no morals. But they probably already know that with what your wife is going through. I feel for those you abandoned.

Answer 6

You are being very selfish. I can't BELIEVE you would think of getting married and having a child SO SOON with the woman you CHEATED with!!!!!

WHat makes you think you won't cheat on this one??? Or vice-versa??? Keep your pecker in your pants you insensitive jerk.

Have you done any self healing in regards to your first marriage? Have you gotten down to the core issues of your marriage break-down? Have you taken your daughters to counselling for 6 months so they understand they are not to blame???

Regardless of what you choose to do, give me an update in 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, etc.

I'm curious of how well you will handle this...

Answer 7

I like your honesty. In truth, you should have thought about your children first. The only one you really thought about here was you. You are going to stress your kids no matter what you do, because you have already taken their lives and wrecked them. You should not even be thinking about marrying this woman yet, for their sake. You are going to do what is right for you, so go to premarital counseling before you get married, so that you both know what you are doing, and wait until you have been married for atleast 2 years.

Answer 8

I'd say give it six months to a year before planning to have children...I say this for a couple reasons....make sure your new wife is going to work out now that your her husband and make sure things with your daughters and new step-mom are at least at an exceptable level to add to the family.

Answer 9

I'd wait until you've been married at least 2 years. Second marriages when one partner already has kids have an 85% divorce rate.

Answer 10

Man, you are one stupid jackaxx. Men who leave their wives and go with the "other women" rarely have long relationships. And to have kids with them is to multiply that mistake 5 times. You will regret, not to mention leaving your own children.