Engagement Ring Problems?

Question

Okay, here's a good one for you all.
The Bride-to-be likes her Engagement ring. She always dreamt of another kind of ring though. People consider her to be a genuine person who is neither materialistic nor greedy. She plans on spending the rest of her life with this man. Is it wrong for the Bride-to-be to ask for the ring she really wants?

Now wait a minute! Just for the record before anyone attacks me for not being greatful for the ring period.....hold on!!! :)
I am taking a wedding etiquette cource at my local college and this is a question I have to answer. I would just like to get a poll of how people would handle this, and weather or not they would say something.
Thanks all!! I'll choose a best answer in a few hours!

Answer 1

I actually just read up on this very subject, in a recent Miss Manners article.

The tradition of a man giving a woman a ring at the time he asks her to marry him started back in the days when the man had a family heirloom to give to his bride. It is a fairly recent change that men buy a new ring to give away, which has essentially developed due to the proliferation of humans, and our inability to continue passing things down.

Miss Manners suggests that the bride in question say to her groom, "I always want to wear my engagement ring, but it's not comfortable for every day. Would you mind if I have it reset?"

Also, once you are given a gift, it is technically yours to do with as you please. One would hope that a young bride would address this situation with tact, but the truth is, she has to wear it for the rest of her life, and it should be something that she is comfortable wearing.

Answer 2

From a personal standpoint - if there was a significant other whom I was talking marriage with, and if I had a very specific idea of what kind of ring I want, I would certainly let him know that I would like to go ring-shopping together. This is exactly what I told my husband, and this is exactly what we did; I wanted a particular ring (it wasn't even a traditional "engagement" ring), and this was what we got. I simply can't imagine someone surprising me with a marriage proposal and a ring out of the blue... By the time we are ready to get engaged, the question of rings would have already been covered. And if it *was* a complete surprise, I would have probably said no to the proposal anyway.

Answer 3

If the fiance wants to make her happy, then let him know. He should have gotten her ideas before buying the ring in the first place. My ex-fiance wanted no input from me and the ring was wretched (not the reason we aren't together anymore!!!). My current fiance wanted to surprise me with the proposal, so he used a fake ring and now I get to pick whatever I want! (I am THE LUCKIEST WOMAN!!!!)

Have your friend sit down with her fiance, explain to him that she loves the ring, but she has always dreamed of this other ring. Have her ask about trying a different ring on, they look a lot different on the hand than in pics! Chances are he will say sure! But do it quick, b/c there can be a limited period in which the ring can be returned.

Answer 4

Here's my story: I went into the engagement not caring about the ring, just about my happy future with this man...6 years after we were married I wanted the ring I really was hoping for I mean I have to wear it for the rest of my life right? So I convinced him to take me out and buy me the set I wanted! And it was very beautiful and I was so happy :) 1 year later, we are now divorced. So there you have it! The ring doesn't matter, it's the relationship that does

Answer 5

Yes I think it's kind of tacky to ask for a different ring. She apparently likes the ring. It's not terrible.... I don't think she should complain. Maybe he couldn't afford the ring she wanted and this was the best he could do. Maybe this is a family heirloom on his side, and it would be a MAJOR insult to ask for something else.

I'd say it's best for your hypothetical girl to keep her mouth shut. She has a ring she likes, and a man that loves her, which is so much more important.

Answer 6

If she likes the ring, she should keep it, because it did come from him. If she hated it, I would say by all means she and her fiancee should have a strong enough relationship that they should be able to discuss it rationally. The ring she always dreamed of could be an anniversary present years down the road, sort of a right hand ring.

Answer 7

I think I would keep the ring I have and maybe ask for another ring later for a 5 or 10 year anniversary gift.

Answer 8

If he can afford it, and knows how much it means to her- why not!
However if he can't afford it, or if this is a deal breaker on her end then I think they both need to re-evaluate the situation. Marriage is not about a ring, or the dress, or the reception. It's a commitment to another person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 9

I think she should keep the ring she was given. I think every girl who wants to marry her man has a "picture" but he probably worked extremely hard to pick out that ring and put his heart and soul into it. Telling him it wasn't good enough would really hurt his feelings.

My ring is nothing like I would have imagined or picked out for myself but I love it because every time I see it I imagine my dear HTB wandering through counters trying to find the perfect one...even if it isn't so perfect ;) Picking a new ring would totally destory that especially if I don't hate it.

Answer 10

Yes it would be wrong esp. if the bride knew she were getting an engagement ring and failed to tell her fiance which one she actually wanted. Plus, she would be making her fiance feel horrible esp. if he couldn't take the ring back and get a refund. If women have specific needs, then they should be responsible and discuss those needs ahead of time.