How can I live with a husband who never kisses me?

Question

When we met and were dating everything was great, of course, but after a few years of marriage the intimacy was less and less and now, although we still have sex there is no mouth to mouth kissing unless it is the type you would kiss your mother, you know, mouth closed, no feeling...I don't know if I can honestly remain married to someone who does not like what I consider to be an important part of an intimate relationship. I don't really ever even want to have sex because I resent the change. And yes I did talk to him about it but the outcome is the same and this has been going on for so long now I don't think there is any hope for change. I know other relationships have more "serious" issues but please I am only 40 years old and would like a more intimate relationship with a man and lately, a man other than my spouse....LOL :) No, I don't have one picked out yet either....please advise

I appreciate the answers so far....I think what bothers me most about it is that when we were first going out and for the first year or so of marriage he was very into making out for an hour or more and now it has switched to "wham bam thank you ma'am" as so nicely pointed out and I miss the old days I guess....but to be honest I am not interested in having him touch me anymore... it has been so long since I got any pleasure from it.....my husband has been having trouble with his teeth and halitosis recently but this was a problem long before so that is not the reason. He says he just does not like it which leads me to think he was "lying" when we were dating...I dont know...

Answer 1

I think you've answered your own question. Passionate kisses aren't something you're willing to live without.

I'd try talking to your husband once more. Let him know you've considered leaving if things don't change. He may not have understood that you were serious before. Sometimes it takes a shock to drive someone to action. I'd also recommend seeing a counselor who can help you sort out why there's no passion in your marriage anymore.

Good luck.

Answer 2

He isn't really in love with you anymore, any man that doesn't kiss his wife, may have a mistress on the side
Maybe you have bad breath, that turns some men off.
Sounds like to me it is a,"WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM", type of thing, he just wants sex and that's it, he doesn't care enough to kiss you. Tell him you want a divorce, maybe that's what he is waiting for you to say.See how he takes it, Tell him you can find any male and you don't need him. It may put a fire under his butt. If he is the jealous type, it will straightened him out. Another thing when he comes home from work home, do you look sexy? that helps. When you kissed him in the past, did you slobber all over him, or is it a sort of a dry kiss? Some guys don't like it mushy. some males don't like the open mouth, they would rather kiss on the lips.Do you suck or bite on his tongue? that's a big turn on for me. Maybe you need to have an affair with a MALE, then tell him about it. A real sexual encounter. Hope this helps you. good luck!

Answer 3

Speaking for your husband, his sex drive may be low. Low testosterone can change a man's sex drive. does he have any health issues? Lack of exercise, being over-weight can curb the romance. It's really hard to say. Are you keeping yourself desirable for him and looking nice. does he kiss you at any other time, like when he comes home from work, or just because he loves you? You said you talked to your husband about how you feel and the outcome is the same. what did he say when you talked to him? I think you should not be hasty about wanting a divorce. by the way you said you are 40. how old is your husband? Maybe you could get some sexual counseling for you and your husband, if he would go.

Answer 4

well, what is the reason he doesn't want to kiss you? and I'm really sorry but 40 and having sex AH! ha ha. reminds me of my parents (no offense). I would say try and talk to him again, and let him know you are feeling like the relationship is lacking intimacy, and if it doesn't change you are thinking about a divorce. I wouldn't take it so far to a divorce but i know what it feel like to have sex and not be kissed, you feel unloved and that's something that women NEED, to be loved. Make sure you are communicating well with him, let him know that you dont feel as emotionally intimate with him. maybe he just needs help understanding. if he loves you things will change if not, then maybe hes not the one. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

If I were in your situation I would just start kissing him to make him feel the passion like it was in the beginning. I also have this problem the only time my fiance wants to kiss is during our love making sessions. He will kiss me when he leaves for work but it is usually a peck on the check or a fast peck on the lips. I sympthize with you, I seem to be in the same situation. When I discussed this with him he stated " long kisses make me want to take you to bed and I am tired after work and some times I really don't want to get horny". I was shocked by this and now I know why he does not like to have deep passionate kisses any more. Good Luck

Answer 6

SOME PEOPLE ARE 'ORAL' AND OTHERS ARE NOT!

You may have a case that your husband is just not an oral person, or he dislikes the taste of your mouth and does not want to hurt your feelings.

Either way, try this. Get up on a non-work day for him and you, go brush and use mouthwash, but rinse well. (medicinal smell should not be strong in his face 1st thing in the morning.)

Then go give him a kiss while he is asleep. I had a partner do this to me and it was kind of nice.

Also, ask him if your breath is a problem for him. Loved ones are prone to 'fess up' if you bring up the subject, rather than them having to feel bad about hurting your feelings.

Sure, you have discussed this, and he has made attempts at changing for a period, only to have things return to 'his' norm.
Now, you have to let him know that this is a [real] problem for you and that YOU DO ''NOT'' WANT ANOTHER MAN TO REPLACE HIM. AND REALLY, YOU DO NOT. You must realize that in all marriages, the sex life can wein off, we get use to one another and if romance is not worked on by both, the resultive thought is to find someone else to excite you.

THAT IS A BIG MISTAKE. YOU OWE IT TO YOUR VOWS TO EXHUST ALL AVENUES....EVEN USING YOUR FEMININE WILDS ON 'HUBBY' TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.

OBSTAIN FROM FULL SEX, TILL YOU HAVE BEEN STIMULATED. NEVER PUSH HIM AWAY, JUST 'GUIDE' THE MOVEMENTS BETWEEN YOU TILL HE GETS THE MESSAGE TO HEAT UP THE POT, BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO COOK THE MEAL. (FEEL FREE TO USE THIS TERMINOLOGY TO HIM).

NO MAN WANTS TO FEEL AS IF HE IS NOT 'TAKING CARE OF HIS WOMAN'....YOUR MAN IS NOT AND HAS TO BE MADE AWARE THAT THIS PRESENTS OUTSIDE TEMPTATIONS FOR YOU. TELL HIM, BUT ALWAYS STRESS STRONGLY, 'ONLY YOU CAN GIVE ME WHAT I NEED SEXUALLY, SO PLEASE ''''GIVE IT TO ME''''.

Don't just lay there and expect to be served either. GET ACTIVE IN BED, DO THINGS TO STIR HIS IMAGINATION. DRESS PROVACATIVELY~~LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU FIRST MET. TEASE AND STARVE THEN GIVE! THAT IS HOW A MAN GETS HUNGRY FOR HIS WOMAN. TRY DIFFERENT POSITIONS, HE MAY BE LAZY. GET SOME BOOKS OUT AND READ TOGETHER, OR BRING THEM TO HIM AND SAY, 'I WANT TO TRY THIS'. TRY SOMETHING NEW TO SPARK HIS INTEREST. '''FLIRT WITH HIM'''. SEX CAN START OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM YOU KNOW.

YOU HAVE THE PROBLEM, HE DOES NOT! SO YOU WILL HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE TO FIND A SOLUTION TO GIVE HIM TO SATISFY YOU.

FORGET ABOUT CHEATING...IT POSES SO MANY PROBLEMS THAT IT IS NOT WORTH THE SHORT-LIVED THRILL. BESIDES, you can never take them serious, having cheated with you, they will certainly cheat ON YOU!

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

I know how you feel. Well not really I'm 23. But my best advice, w/o going outside of your marraige. Have you ever thought of dressing up sexy. Planning a dinner date, going home and slipping into something a bit "sexy". Offer to give him a massage... In a chair... Then give him a little show. It might be a little risque for ya. But honestly, there's always ways to bring the passion back to life. If he's absent minded like alot of men, tell him bluntly. If you kiss me more, i'll do more for you. Your hubby needs to realize relationships are 100%/100%. You both give your all, emotionally, financially, sexually (lol) He will come around. ;) Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Unfortunately I think your "problem" is relatively common. My best suggestion for you would be to really do what you can to "spice things up". I recently watch an episode of Oprah where a women came on and talked about how her and her husband had rarely had sex due to children, being tired, etc. It was affecting all areas of their marriage and she wasn't satisfied and knew he wasn't either. So, she made a commitment to herself to work on making things better. She started a weekly belly dancing class that made her feel totally alive and she rediscovered her body. This led to her spending a little bit more time taking care of herself --- exercising, special attention to her skin, nails, hair, etc. Her ultimate goal was to surprise her husband with a week of straight sex. Not boring bedroom sex. But, she planned out a week of new and exciting sex. In front of the fireplace with candles and wine one night. Found a sitter for a night on the town another night. One night she belly danced for him. Always wearing something new....even if it were a new scent. After the week of WOW sex -- they haven't stopped and it's 3 years later. The two of them have never been happier. Yes, it requires work...especially if you have children. But, I think it's key to focus on improving the way you two initiate sex and try new things. Best of luck & lust to you...I bet if you spiced things up some your husband would probably fire up his lips for some closer intimacy!

Answer 9

Maybe it is because when you two kiss, it reminds him of another woman. Something is not right when a man or a WOMAN does not want to kiss their spouse passionately, unless they are not IN LOVE with that person! Sounds like someone may in love with someone else!!

Answer 10

Maybe he wants to be between your two legs too early....... does not want to spend time kissing. He has known about your face a lot but not about the joint of your two legs. How does he enjoy having sex with you? Find your answer in this question.