Tired of explaining my Autistic son to judgemental strangers!!!?

Question

I have a six year old son who is mildly autistic. He looks like a completely normal child, but his behavior in public causes people to stare, and in some cases, try to dicipline him (or me). I am tired of people shushing him (we never take him anywhere nice, restaurant or otherwise) or telling me that I am doing something wrong. The advice almost never applies and is usually delivered in a very self-righteous manner.

Does anyone else have a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

People will be people, and you need to think of it this way when you go out to restaurants,stores, whats the chance your going to ever see those people again?
You dont need to explain anything at all, only if they had to deal with there kids the way you have too. I know that having an autistic child is like having 3 children all in one. But hopefully he will grow out of it and maintain his actions as he gets older. You need to lauph at it not yell or get mad, its not his or your fault. When they stare at you just smile

Answer 2

Not personally in your shoes no, but Ive seen on 20/20, Date Line and Prime Time and understood clearly about what is going on. Since then, any parent with any child having any troubles, I ask one question... If they need any help. So far happened twice, not realizing that one child was autistic, the other was a mother lugging two new born twins and chasing a three year old and the parents of both families where so grateful and stated that few in the world offer to help instead they choose to judge. I Wish You and Your Family Luck and it's time to stop worrying about what other people think. Your doing your Best, and that's all you can do.

Answer 3

First of all, remember that it is the other people with the problem if they are being judgemental - not you or your son. People are often judgemental and such at things they don't know or understand.

Autism is a complex condition and people seem to think of it as "AUTISM" off in the distance, and they don't understand that beautiful, gorgeous children who can look completely normal; can have their behaviour affected (through no fault of their own or their parents) because of this learning/behaviour difficulty.

As a teacher, I know how Autism affects children in different ways, and for sure sometimes children with Autism are harder work than others, but this does not decrease their value or presence in this world and no one should make them feel otherwise.

As your son has Autism, obviously there are some behavioural attributes that are beyond his/your control, but my advice is to praise him up when he does show appropriate behaviours, and if you're with other people, eg. friends or family get them to do this too.

As for the judgemental strangers...back to what I said at the start ----> means that they are the ones that are uniformed and it says a LOT about their character rather than yours or your son's. So... go hug your gorgeous boy!

Answer 4

My 8 yo is also high functioning autistic. When he was 3 I was in a parent group and we all noticed that our boys were big for their age, which made the stares worse. We joked about buying them t-shirts that said "I'm 3, I'm autistic, get over it!".

I carry these cards from Talk About Curing Autism (www.tacanow.com) which explains that my child is not misbehaving, explains the symptoms and behaviors associated with autism and gives the website for the TACA. I hand them to the person, smile and walk away. The cards are $10 for 100 with no shipping charge and are available at http://www.tacanow.com/shop.htm about half way down.

Answer 5

My sister in laws son is also mildly autistic. And unfortunately people will stare especially kids. I don't think you owe anyone an explanation. It is no one's business. I have not been in your shoes so I am sure it is hard. But try to keep you head up. My future nephew has been getting better with therapy and a lot of interaction with children. This seems to make it easier for him to be in public.

Answer 6

I never explain my son's behavior to people (also mildly autistic) I look at it this way: It's not very likely that I will ever see them again..My son is better behaved in public than half of the brats I see running around...He is actually usually pretty shy in public places, but occasionally he has acted out...I once got called a ***** by some guy because I was trying to react to my son's outburst and when he is in a fit I have to speak firmly to him to get his attention....
I was never so offended in my life, it was then that I realized that strangers don't know their **** from a hole in the ground and have no idea what I am going through...
After that I decided that it is NOBODY'S business how I deal with my child! They have never had to deal with what myself and my darling boy have dealt with over the years...
I know where his limits are and I do what I can to be mindful of others when we are in a public place..beyond that: They can piss off...I don't owe them anything especially the chance to label me or my child!

Answer 7

I feel for you.

There's a family at our church that has a mildly autistic (Aspergers) child, and people at church are always looking at him funny and at the parents as if to say, "I can't believe you're letting your child act like that."

It's going to be up to you to make people aware. The federal government has started issuing some faith-based grants to churches and other orgnizations to assemble support groups for people like you. I know of a preschool in Springfield, MO that caters ONLY to autistic children and their siblings. There's no judgment there.

Good luck. As more and more people become aware of autism and aspergers, the judgment will dissipate. Just know that there are many people out there who DO know you're doing the best you can as a parent.

Answer 8

My child is very autistic, no mild about it, and we still get crap from people. I'm sorry for you, but some people will be a$$es no matter what you do lol! It's so very obvious that she's disabled, but because she's not in a wheelchair, it's somehow more offensive. I do know parents of autistic kids who put their kids in wheelchairs just for that reason (although it does help with sensory issues)
My favorite line has been a simple question "Oh? Where did you get your degree?" When they look confused, I add "My child has autism. I'm dealing with it in a manner that suites her therapy and her ability. If you are offering advice I'd like to know how dated your information is and where it came from." Usually they feel like crap after that and I'm (guiltily) glad. If someone tried to discipline my child, any of my children, I would probably go mama bear on them. They have no right to talk to, touch, or otherwise discipline your child. You could be nice and say "Thanks for your concern, i'm handling it", or you could say "You have no right to say/do anything to my child".
As time goes on, you get used to it. I go through phases, sometimes I just ignore people who stare or criticize (everyone thinks they're so clever with their loud statements to a friend), sometimes I stare back. Sometimes I'm feeling confrontational and ask if there is a problem with my disabled child. Sometimes I'm just sad and say, "She has autism" and try to walk away.
The good news is that it does get better, we've worked hard and gone out a LOT with no goal other than to practice how to behave in public. There is some embarrassment (for a while we were buying a lot of spare french fries for people at mcd's because she would be up like a shot and eating at someone else's table!) But she's ten now, can go into mcd's, order her own food, and sit and eat like anyone else.

The biggest mistake I see with parents of autistic kids is that they give up, it's so hard to go out with the behavior and the stares, but these kids WILL NOT LEARN without the practice. We took her to restaurants at 3 pm to practice eating out. We went to the movie theater in the same time frames because hardly anyone is there (in fact we started at the dollar theater way after the movies were released to guarantee no people) we went to the mall, the zoo, the museum weekly at least with rewards for good behavior (instant, like good walking, here's your fry, good staying with me, here's another fry, just ongoing)

Good luck and God bless, have you ever been to a support group meeting? I have one tonight and THANK GOODNESS is all I have to say. I could use two hours to talk to other adults in my situation. Online yahoo groups are good too, search 'parenting_autism'

Answer 9

That would depend on what kind of behaviors you are speaking of. A few eccentricites are one thing...flat out unacceptable behavior is another. Mild autism is really no excuse not to discipline your child. And when I say discipline, I am simply meaning teaching your child what he can and cannot do in public places.

Our culture is one with a certain set of rules or code of conduct in public society. If he cannot follow those rules of conduct, be prepared for the looks, the unwarranted advice, etc. You may not like it, but it is going to happen until his behavior is corrected. Autism is no excuse for no discipline. It isn't as easy as teaching a "normal child what they can or cannot do, but it can be done. If a mangy mutt can be taught to sit and stay, a midly autistic shild can be taught to behave as well.

If you are referring to simple eccentrisities, such as arm flapping or twirling, let the "other people" roll of your back.

Answer 10

My daughter is not Austistic, but have austistic ways
She was tested three times
She touches people and repeat things
At time, people look at me, sometimes yell at me
I do not care. I take the best care of her
Not only that, she is seven, and as tall as a ten year old.
She act younger than her age, and most people think she is a few years older then she is.

Do not let people stop you from treating him like a normal child. Take him out to resturants, and Movies, and shopping.
The hell with everyone who make judgements
For the grace of god go me
They do not understand that
Good luck