I have been with a guy for a year now---and about two months ago we were really arguing alot...I will admit mostly my fault--inseucrities etc.... Well at the height of it all, i found out he was surfing Match.com and other really bizarre sites....Nonetheless we worked it all out and whatnot---he said it was because he felt lonely because we were barely talking..Now my question is..is it stupid of me am I being naieve and there is more? Or could it be very legitimate and there is no reason to worry.. I forgive him but I am having a hard time forgetting and feeling really weirded out even after two months..
2007-06-20 09:39:41 · 12 answers · asked by the_weesh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OK i think I should have clarified the argument..lol My insecurities were that I felt not good enough---mostly because of my past divorce, i was burned pretty good---and I know that I am just insanely insecure that I will get hurt again....And he was basically telling me that it hurts him to tell me all the time how much he loves me and that I dont believe it...which I do!...BUt then that is why I got so panicked..If you love me why would you be so quick to look elsewhere?...ugh
2007-06-20 09:49:03 · update #1
He is probably seeking something but he doesn't know what. He feels disconnected because your insecurities have built up a wall between you both. Stop worrying about these kinds of things and instead work on bringing yourself closer to him. Show him some appreciation. He would be happier to see you focus more on him and your future with him rather than what bad things may or may not happen.
2007-06-20 09:44:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well when a guy with a girlfriend starts trolling online dating sites it's usually because he is missing something in his relationship that he is trying to find on the slide with someone else. The fact that he was willing to do that instead of simply coming to you and trying to work things out shows that everytime you two have a problem he will start to look elsewhere for comfort, sex, support, converstation or whatever else you two are lacking at that point so think maybe you should let him go. You will always have that doubt in the back of your mind that everytime you get in an argument if he is running somewhere else. He obviously is the sneaky type so let him go unless you truly trust and know that whatever was wrong is solved and nothing like that will ever happen again.
2007-06-20 16:44:27 · answer #2 · answered by Music Junky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't what you did but for a guy to be surfing match.com for $20 a month, that sounds like he's looking for someone else. You should see if he's still current on it. If they were serious fights, he might be looking for someone more confident. Once a couple "takes a break" things are almost never the same. It's just as hard for him to go back to normal as it is for you. He doesn't know when you are going to be insecure again and he's just protecting himself or maybe he's just looking for something better.
2007-06-20 16:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts. Just ask yourself...would you have done the same thing...for the same reason he stated? Would you have hidden it from him like he hid it from you? Ask yourself...what was his goal in doing it? There's a good reason why he hid it from you. Why not talk to you about the problems you two were having...instead of seeking comfort elsewhere? Frankly, when you're in a relationship with someone else there is NO reason to be looking on dating sites...or elsewhere...no matter WHAT is going on in the relationship. If someone is unhappy in the relationship or sad or lonely...then the person should breakup with the other one FIRST...THEN go on the dating sites. Simple as that.
2007-06-20 16:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by mrswho86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not dumb at all. I know that when me and my wife had got like that for a while that I started looking around too. It's human nature to want to talk to someone without worrying about getting into an argument and to feel loved. But if you 2 have worked it out and you are both happy I say let it go. Good luck
2007-06-20 16:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not dumb. Just trying to make something work. I'm curious as to what you were arguing about before you saw him surfing dating sites. Obviously he was looking for more than you were offering if he was looking. We worked it all out? Worked what out? There may be some underlying reason why he was surfing dating sites. If you worked it all out then why are you still weirded out? I think there are other issues going on and that's what you are sensing.
2007-06-20 16:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It COULD be that he was telling the truth, under the circumstances... but not necessarily. He would have said the same thing to you whether he was doing anything wrong or not. Either way, you have uncertainties about him, and he has uncertainties about you. Perhaps you should try couples' counseling. Otherwise, wait it out and see what happens. If you don't gain his trust and vice versa, then dump him and move on.
2007-06-20 16:43:12 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...anxiety and depression will absolutely kill and create dramatic disaster in some of the best relationships you could ever possibly have darling....believe me...I know by firsthand experience what it'll do to your own psychology otherwise. See a good mental health therapist if these annoying thoughts in your mind continue darling. A relationship is supposed to be enjoyable and really satisfying....not a sleep depriving annoying disturbance for you really! YIKES!!!
2007-06-20 16:54:05 · answer #8 · answered by scott s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not necessarily. His story could prove to be quite true. I can see why that would be justified.
But the question is, what is he doing now?
snoop around. women are great at that.
2007-06-20 16:43:25 · answer #9 · answered by luvbug7982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your insecurities begin with your surfer b/f. Move on with your life without him, there will be someone else.
2007-06-20 16:43:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋