my 4 year old daughter says "chocolate face"?

Question

okay first off i am not racist in any way whatsoever..and in no way am i trying to teach my daughter to be

but i need some advice and suggestions......

when my four year old daughter refers to a black person she says "the man with the chocolate face" or "the chocolate girl"
i dont like when she says that cause i know it wrong.....i have tried for about a year to correct her from using this phrase

i have never used this phrase or even heard of this....

but i am worried that if she doesnt correct this than she might run into problems when she starts school again in late august

i have told her not to say that.....i dont want to say "its more polite to say 'the black person' or the 'person of color' " cause i want her to see a person (any person) for what they are ...A PERSON.....

everything i am doing is not really working...she says that she says that cause that is the only way she can differentiate people

any suggestions?

.

hey girlygirl...

i totally agree with your theory but i dont want her to think that black people are mean or to feel that if she says the wrong thing...that she will get beat up.....believe me i have thought about that ....but at this stage when their brain is like a sponge.....it is very critical to only get the right things in there.

also to the others who think being called chocolate is better than saying the N word....i can also see why you say that.......but not everyone feels that way.....

me, being mexican i dont think i would like to be called tamale face or taco girl...i know its different and doesn't really relate to the situation......but i just dont think i should allow her to call people that for the mean time

.

Answer 1

1st off to girly girl i dont think its apropriate for anyone to tell a 4 year old girl that she could get beat up for saying that..she's 4 and doesnt know better, if another child does hit her for saying that then there's probably issues going on with him or her as well...i;m sure your daughter picked this up in school or friends that she plays with..my son on one occassion said mom i want to listen to the ni@$*r song. i do come from african american ancestry and no way racist but he picked that up from a babysitter that was listening to that obscene music which is not apropriate for children..i explained to him that word is very bad and people get very upset when they hear it...and he took it to heart and never heard him say it again...maybe you can try telling her that chocolate is for eating and we cant call people chocolate faces because they will think you'll eat them...i know it sounds silly but kids respond a little better when u come up with crazy stuff like that...explain to her the different races/colors of people, the best way you know how and see how that goes

Answer 2

We live in a rather small, not too diverse community. My middle daughter was a very early talker. When she was very little, still small enough to sit comfortably in the seat of the grocery cart, we were shopping in a much larger city and a black woman walked past us. I think she was about 1 1/2 and my daughter said, "Look, a chocolate face." I was horrified, but the lady walked on so I am hoping she didn't hear or else just ignored it. We are by no means racists either, but it seemed it was just her way of noticing a person who was different. It had no derogatory intent on her part, but rather was said more in amazement and awe. My daughter only said it a few more times and I don't think I did more than say to her that it wasn't a polite thing to say. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to tell your daughter it is more polite to say the black man or the black girl. The intent will be the same regardless if she uses the word chocolate or black - just a means of distinguishing the person she is referring to. Personally, I love chocolate and thought what my daughter said was very true since the woman did have a beautiful chocolate colored skin. I had never thought of it that way until she said it. I don't think your daughter's description of a person using "the black man" is really too much different than saying "the girl with the red hair" or "the lady in the flowered dress". In her young eyes she is just distinguishing which person she is referring to rather than being derogatory or discriminatory in anyway. She will continue to use the word chocolate until you give her another acceptable word to use.

Answer 3

My four year old has said the same thing. She refers to a "chocolate face" because she knows chocolate is brown, so she is just comparing the colors. If you pay attention she probably refers to other things that are colorful with food color. My daughter the other day actually said I have acarrot hair lol. I thought it was hilarious. Don't be too upset about it. As long as you teach her the proper way to behave, then you are fine. She is just comparing. If she ever uses a deragatory name that we all know to call black people then it's the time to put your foot down, but for now it's ok. Hope I helped!

Answer 4

It's a 50/50 as to whether this is completely innocent self discovery, or emulation of something they've seen or heard of. I'm guessing the former. Little kids do that. They notice that adults are really hesitant about that part of themselves, but they don't quite understand why. Most kids are barely toilet trained by age 4 and are still being bathed together, they are still only just beginning to learn modesty. However... It would pay to talk to your girl, just ask her what's going on. Don't make her feel like she's in trouble, but do find out whether it's her idea or her cousin's idea. It likely is, at this stage, completely mutual play with a topic they know (doctors) and a body part they're learning to pay special attention to (genitals), which they'll both grow out of before long. But still make sure one is not dominant over the other and having all the ideas. My cousin was over me, and although all was well at 4, it wasn't at 10. And I still resent her for it. And don't hide from the topics. Give her age-appropriate information about herself, and age-appropriate teaching that modesty is a virtue. But at 4 years, I don't think you're dealing with anything uncommon, problematic, or that they won't grow out of. So don't worry!

Answer 5

HHHAAA!!! Sorry, but that is funny. I understand it's not funny to you. I like the answer "start giving her white chocolate". That made me giggle. ANYWAY...I think if you keep correcting her, eventually she will stop saying it. You might try going to the library and getting her some toddler books on different heritages and reading them to her. There are some really interesting ones for her age. Also maybe buy her a black baby doll and let her give it a name and tell her that black people have names just like white people and let her know it's not nice to call someone that. (I know you have told her that)-having her own baby might help. If that doesn't work, I really think she will grow out of it, but I understand your concern :) Good Luck~

Answer 6

I wonder if you are friends with someone who is black who can explain it to her.

On the otherhand, my four year daughters best friend is black and her mom and I just understand that four year olds use different sorts of adjectives than adults. Her daughter told me I was pale - haha.

I would never be offended if my daughters friend called me "vanilla face" - now if she were 12, I'd think there was a screw loose.

I think it's adults who have the problem - not the kids - kids only do what theyre taught and if you're teaching her not to be racist then chances are she won't be.

The adults need to get over it . . .she's a little girl.

Answer 7

Hi ^^
Your daughter must have heard this from someone..someplace.. TV..it is normal.. some children are actually very in tune to the different colors in the world.. But I would suggest being proactive rather than reactive with her. .Sit her down next time and say.. I am happy you see that we are all made differently. Start playing the games they sujest on the web sight I gave you..

So you know...She is at the age were she is starting to see things from a diffrent perspective...No worries mom she is at the age that some children do this..Here is a Great web page that has Activities that Promote Racial and Cultural Awareness and will help you understand what is going on.. AS well as games you can do with her to bring her awareness up and get her to stop this..I found these games work the best and had to used them with some of the children in my daycare worked great..
http://www.pbs.org/kcts/preciouschildren/diversity/read_activities.html

Answer 8

I suggest finding out whether or not she means it derogatory. It could be she is admiring the way they look and chocolate is the closest color she can come up with.

Many young kids don't understand why we call people white and black because those aren't the colors they see. They see things in colors that are familiar to them. She's probably referring to them as chocolate because it reminds her of chocolate. I've heard little kids protest when you tell them their skin is white because to them it makes more sense as the color of milk, cream or peaches.

I don't think it's necessary a bad thing. My cousins are mixed and I think they have beautiful chocolate skin. It's more of the color of chocolate then anything else. I've certainly heard it before in young children so I wouldn't be worried.

I don't think she's going to run into problems. I think most kindergardners would rather hear their skin referred to as chocolate then black. It sounds prettier. You're emphasizing that the color of their skin is not as important as the fact that they are a person and I think she gets that.

Answer 9

Do not worry. This is just a phase and will most likely end soon. You have done nothing wrong and just keep correcting her when she makes this comment. She will eventually stop. It is like when some kids go through a phase if they hear their parents use a curse word, and they believe that it is an acceptable thing to say. They eventually stop doing this and your daughter will also.

Answer 10

I dont think you're racist at all. And definitely not your daughter! She calls us black ppl (Haha..yeah Im black!) chocolate face due to the color that probablly because chocolate is a dark brown. Im not really sure how u can break that habit though