Boyfriend Advice...?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for just over 5 years. Im 19 and hes 24. I love him- and i know he loves me (hes building a house we designed togeather- its almost done and im supposed to move in with him, we've talked about marriage and kids and hes bought me a lot of expensive jewlery to "prove" hes serious..) but im just not sure if i want this anymore... We argue a lot and i cant really depend on him. Like he says he'll be at my house at 5 and he doesnt get there untill 6:30. When i tell him its disrespectful and he needs to quit doing this kind of stuff he just tells me i b!*ch too much, and we wouldnt fight so much if i didnt. But thats not something i should accept in a relationship.... right? He is really sweet to me also though- he brings me out to dinner, cooks for me, brings me flowers, gives me massages, compliments me.... The good times are good- should i just deal with the bad times?

He has cheated on me, more than once too. I cheated on him "to get back at him"- which was dumb. I told him because i felt so stupid, and guilty. But that was over 2years ago. (that i did it..)
We broke up for about 6months, and just got back togeather. I had another boyfriend for a cupple of those 6months. (the boyfriend of a girl he cheated on me with) and he throws that in my face a lot. But he saw lots of other girls- not just one while we were broken up...
I've looked in his phone recently- and whenever i do i find messages from other girls. Hes always gone on dating services on his phone and he swears now hes not- but hes told me that before and continued...
Its not just sometimes hes late either- its EVERY time we're supposed to get togeather. Whether its a date, our annivesary, or just hanging out. If it was 15 minutes- i could handle it but its HOURS all the time....
I have food ready when he comes to visit me, i clean his house when i visit him, wash clothes....

Answer 1

sounds like he does do alot of nice things for you BUT respecting you is the most important dont ya think. take away all the things he buys for you what do you have left ? I am sure he has a cell phone he should call you and say im running late i am still working whatever. What is going to happen when you get married, have children? Is he going to tell johnny or suzi dad will be home at 5 to take you to the park and not come on time dssapointing them and you have to make excuses for him and what will he do buy them a gift to make it all better. I am not saying he is a bad guy but a little common courtesey is more important than a new bracelet or a nice ring. thinking of your feelings first is priceless.

Answer 2

Ok, this all sounds very familiar to me. My ex- boyfriend who I was with for 4 years did the exact same thing to me. He would talk about how much he loved me and that I was his world and then he would turn around and be totally rude and disrespectful and then if I complained he would say...I was just bitching. What I realized was that I didn't deserve this kind of treatment and neither do you! This is not love, because when there is love there is mutual respect and consideration between both people in the relationship. While you may sit and think about all the good times you have had together you have to look at the big picture, this behavior is not going to change when you get married or start living together and it may in fact get worst because you will be spending a lot more time together. Have a good serious talk with your boyfriend about how his behavior makes you feel and if he thinks you're just being a nag like my boyfriend did. I would suggest moving on because you a worth a lot more than that.

Answer 3

No. You need to be happy. Also, you need to date other people. You've been with this guy for five years and you're only 19 years old. That means you've been dating him since you were 14 years old. You need to see what else is out there, sweetheart. You have had a sheltered life. Plus, he was the same age you are now when you started dating. Can you imagine dating a 14 year old, now? Sounds pretty sick to me. This guy is trouble. Get out and see the world. Leave the child molester alone.

Answer 4

Try bringing it up in ways that do not sound accusatory and he may hear what you are saying. Instead of saying it's disrespectful, tell him how it disrespects you/suggest what he could do differently and be willing to compromise with him on how to solve the issue.

Try to diffuse the fighting rather than encourage it. If that doesn't work and the fighting escalates, consider counseling. If he starts abusing you, then you should leave the relationship.

You will have to deal with good and bad times in any relationship. But if you love him and he loves you, the bad times will be worth dealing with.

Answer 5

It's all up to you, but I think it's easy to be with someone when everything is going well, it's the hard times that really test the relationship's stability. If you still love him as much as you ever have, especially after you've fought, the relationship may be worth working for. Plus make up nookie is the best kind.

Although this may sound corny, I've found that generally what is meant to be will be!
Good luck.

Answer 6

the only way u are like this to him is that u are DEAMANDING too much of him. Be care because one day you will lose him to someone else who is not demanding. He may love you for whom u are and do all these things that most MEN dont( in the reality >> only a few are like ur boyfriend are the luckiest one for any woman) be caution with ur actions. he will see other girl who is so sweet and less deamanding from you .. what makes u think he would want to marry you as his wife if u are like that? So be more rationale at all things that is around you each day. there are ups and downs but to improve it for the better, not worse.. or your relation wont last longer if theres a love . Take care of ur relation before its TOOO late.. Compromise and communication. U cannot have him in ur way of what u think is best... it means two heads in one mind to work things better is sweet and simple.

Answer 7

GURL... i have the exact same problem only my bf's 25 and im 18! but neways you just got to sit down and ask yourself if this is what you really want... thats what i had to do because my boyfreind is really selfish and hard headed and we were fighting alot... but you know when i sat down and thought about it for a long time i decided that he was worth it... if i were u i would tryn picture the different stages you plan on going through in life(marriage,babies,traveling,buying a house, growing old, etc.) and see if you can ohnestly see yourself with him... if i cant picture myself in a rocking chair beside my man then i know it wont work! seriously! also think about all the unexpected things life throws at you!! will he be by your side, when u have no one else? this is your life and you deserveto be happy! if he doesnt bend over backwards to make you happy then hes not worth it!!!

Answer 8

No you should never just settle. It is very easy to be on time. Being late a five minutes is ok. But not respecting what you want means he may not care as much about you as you do about him.It may be time for you to move. You have probably changed a lot since you to have met. Especially if he is your only boyfreind. The only way to know what kind of guy you like is to date a lot of different people.

Answer 9

Maybe you just need to take a break, you are young and since you have been with him for 5 years , you should know that there are always good and bad times in a relationship. So if you really love him and want it to work you both have to give 100%. Good Luck

Answer 10

if you are sure you won't regret doing it then just move in with him, As i see it you need more time. tell him that u should just hold off moving into the house together for a while because you and him have had some problems and you think that moving in together will make them worse. Tell him you are not looking for an argument u are just concerned, Tell him that he needs to show u that it is a good idea and that he need to prove to you it won't make things worse. Then if things start to get rowdy or you have any other questions about it just e-mail me at [e-mail]