I split up with my ex about 9 months ago and we have managed to stay in contact as friends. But he's made it pretty clear that all the feelings are still there for him, and would like to try again.
I have been completely honest and told him that I don't feel the same, although I still like and respect him.
I know that the sensible and decent thing to do would be to stay away, but I'm really struggling with feeling alone at the moment, so I'm tempted.
Can you offer me advice so that I can clarify my feelings.
2007-06-20 08:13:51 · 22 answers · asked by Hello Dave 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yep. To be with someone that you don't love but who has feelings for you simply to avoid be alone is a supremely selfish thing to do. Don't use people. Would you want that done to you?
2007-06-20 08:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by Charlie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think while ever you are trying to stay friends, having had an intimate relationship, you will find it difficult to move on, especially if your ex still has feelings for you. The best way to move on and maybe meet someone else (if you are lonely) is to cut the ties with your ex, otherwise it will be like picking at a scab that never heals?
2007-06-20 15:20:30 · answer #2 · answered by Cherrypicker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there is a reason why this person is your ex, you should keep that way. If you go back you will still have the same problems and that will block you from meeting someone new....the reason you are tempted is because you are use to having this person around...being alone can be fun, and less stress, it will open the door to meeting new people. Be brave venture out
2007-06-20 15:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by Minx B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is DEFINITELY better to be alone. Being alone is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. You can learn to be happy with yourself and content. In fact, you SHOULD learn to be happy with yourself. It will make you better in a relationship when you do get involved. Meanwhile, if you are alone you can meet other people and soon NOT be alone AND be with someone you actually love! Hang out with someone you don't love, and all the good and eligible men are going to be passing you by. If you don't feel the same way about this person, then tell them so, dump them, and move on. You will be doing yourself AND him a favor. Good luck!
2007-06-20 15:18:25 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suggest dating new people - it is easy to fall back into something that is comfortable with an old beau - but you broke up for a reason and you need to discover more about yourself by seeing other people and learn what you truly need from a relationship in order to be 100% happy in the future. Don't fall back into an old thing, just because it is there!
Be strong and move forward - not backwards.
2007-06-20 15:18:21 · answer #5 · answered by tristaC77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loneliness is so hard. You already know there is nothing worse than feeling alone when someone is right next to you. Then you have to deal with loneliness and guilt. Don't add to your pain or his. Try to enjoy your time by yourself there are plenty of things you can do/enjoy when you are on your own that you can't when you have to consider someone else. Enjoy being self centred for a while - have fun :-)
2007-06-20 15:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Trouble C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Stay away from him, or you will have to go through this heartache of splitting again.
You say you respect him. But wound't it be a form of disrespect if you want to use him to ward off your loneliness? He actaully has feelings, or so he says... They will be hurt if you use him.
Unless you learn to be happy all by yourself, you can't really be happy in a relationship. Because that means your hapiness is not in your hands, but depends on the mood of someone else.
2007-06-20 15:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by Everybody's Favorite 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's 100% better to be alone, than in an unsatisfying relationship...which is why I ended my 2nd marriage.
NEVER settle. You can make yourself as a single as happy as you want to be, but in a relationship a lot of your emotions and behaviors are tied to that other person...if things aren't going well, you are limited as to what you can do other than leave (if you cannot improve the situation with them).
Be friends with your ex...keep in touch if you want to....but if the chemistry isn't there for you, don't do it. He should have the opportunity to be with someone who is head-over-heels crazy about him...and you should have the opportunity to be with someone you are head-over-heels crazy about. That cannot happen if you settle, just to keep from being alone.
2007-06-20 15:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very simply....yes!! It's better to be alone than to be miserable and pretend to like being with someone that you have no feelings for! It's not fair to them or to you...if you say you really respect him and like him as a friend, then don't play with his emotions! You won't always be lonely! You may want to stop talking to him for a while to really give yourself closure and completely get over him! You will never be able to move on if he's constantly inside your head making you feel like you won't find anyone else.....in a way, he'd be a rebound for himself ...and rebound relationships never work! If you get back with him, it'd be out of fear of being alone! Face your fears...you deserve to be with someone whom you care about!!
2007-06-20 15:21:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't play w/ his feelings like that. Just keep being honest w/ him. Just b/c ur lonely doesn't give u the right 2 b tempted enuff to ruin the friendship. Being friends is more important than any carnal need and self esteem boost that u might b needing right now.
2007-06-20 15:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋