What would you do with a friend who likes to argue?

Question

So, my friends loves to debate with people. She has her own set of opinions and that's fine, but she never backs down. The problem is that she'll pick the most deeply held beliefs someone has and attack them. For example, we have a friend who is deeply religious and she constantly starts an argument with her about why there is no God or how we are all going to hell if there is one. Anyways, she's lost a lot of friends this way. I would like to tell her, but I have feeling we'll get into another debate. What would you do?

Answer 1

When she tries to start an argument tell her "I'm not going to debate this with you" and then walk away. If you say it enough, she'll get the hint.

Answer 2

I used to have a friend like this and a sister who still does it. I would start a dialogue with your friend by telling her you want to have a serious talk with her but want her to listen to everything you say first before she comments. Ask her if she thinks she can do that. If she says yes, continue. If she starts to interrupt, remind her that she agreed to keep quiet until you are done. If she continues, get up and leave. She will come after you because she wants your approval which is one of the reasons she is so confrontational. Some people just like to argue because it makes them feel important and smart when in reality it irritates people and makes them tune her out and pull away. Not suprising that she has lost friends because of it. Remind her of that too. Tell her that you are telling her this stuff because you consider her your friend and only real friends will be truly honest. If she says that this is the way she is and that people will just have to get over it (which I expect she will), tell her that then she has to accept the responsibility of losing friends all the time, including possibly you. Tell her she wears people out. My guess is she doesn't listen to what others say, she just spews her own opinions and I will give odds that some of her opinions are not her own, but ones that she read or heard somewhere else. For you, don't waste your time on people who do not engage you in conversation. Conversation is a two-way activity. And more importantly, true friends will never make you feel badly about yourself.

Answer 3

I've had a friend like that since college. Tell her to join the debate team or go to law school and put her love of arguing to good use. Then tell her to quit it around you.

I bluntly told my girlfriend that all the debate gets on my nerves. And when she starts when we are out is simple stop it by saying "Your 100% right, everyone else is wrong. You won. Can we move on now? Thank you."

But I think you should tell her it bothers YOU. Make no mention of it causing her to lose friends. It may piss her off enough that you'll lose one. If she doesn't stop the conflicts she will realize that on her own.

Answer 4

The next time she starts, I would simply tell her that while u don't agree, she's entitled to her opinion, but it really bothers u that when all you're trying to do is spend some quality time w/ her she just constantly wants to argue and it's ruining your time together! Then when she attempts to get u to argue further just listen w/o speaking and no matter what don't say anything other than "I'm sorry u feel that way", "that's your opinion, you're entitled to it" etc. Usually people like that just want u to hear their opinion and as long as they get it out there and get the last word they feel better and stop- and they always stop if they don't get a rise out of u so be strong and don't say anything to further the discussion!

Answer 5

If she's lost friends already, I'm sure she realizes that this trait turns people away but is unwilling or unable to stop with the endless debate. So, telling her something she already likely knows- even if she doesn't really want to acknowledge it or stop, isn't really necessary, except maybe to get it off your chest..... and if that's the case it wouldn't really work too well since it would open up the door for another debate! So I would likely not say anything.

Answer 6

Send her an email telling her what you said about how she's losing friends, and tell her to email back with her response, That way if you get into a debate, it will all be written down. I know a couple of people who have changed their ways after they see that it is hurting them and how ridiculous it is to argue like that all the time.

Answer 7

I would tell her.. That has to be annoying. No one says that arguing or debating is good once in a while, but she has to learn that her way is not exactly how others think.. She has to respect that fact that everyone has there own opinions. if she´s a real friend she will not feel offended when you tell her to tone it down...

Good Luck..


Bcn_mimosa from Barcelona, Spain

Answer 8

Your friend sounds like my sister in law. Not everyone likes to debate, and a lot of people find it irritating. My sister in law can't keep friends because she is so off-putting to people she meets.

I would have a hard time being friends with a person like that. You can't pick who you are related to, but you can choose your friends, and I personally don't choose friends who have such undesirable qualities.

Answer 9

A friend like that would consumer too many of my resources. I would give her gentle counseling. If she reacts they way you think she would react, then Id' wonder why I'm still friends with her.

Having said all that, I really don't personally mind someone who can rationally pick apart my beliefs and opinions. But, if they're not making sense and they persist, I'm gone.

Answer 10

Take the example of those who are no longer her friend. There is no reason anyone should have to put up with that. I'd just not hang around her anymore.