So, my boyfriends older brother and his girlfriend have been dating for almost four years. And they're already talking about marriage. But the thing is, and this might be really awful of me, but I've always wanted to be married first. If they do it first, it seems like mine and my boyfriends wedding won't be as important. I really dont want his brother getting married before we do. It would take away from EVERYTHING I want. I can't stand her, but that's only because his parents worship her. They think she's freaking perfect, and I feel like I'm not good enough in their eyes by comparison. I dont know what to do! I wish they would just break up.
2007-06-20 05:15:55 · 31 answers · asked by bobby w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow...I see why they like her better...
No one wants a selfish brat for a daughter-in-law.
2007-06-20 05:22:04 · answer #1 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 13⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I really don't see the big, BIG marriage problem. How can you say that your wedding won't be as important? To the parents... whether you are the favorite or not... the wedding of their child is an amazing time in their life. I think you should get to know her... since you only dislike her because they like her. Who knows, she might not like being the center of attention. Second, obviously your boyfriend isn't ready to be the first one married... or he would be proposing and yall would be planning a wedding. Wishing someone heart break is the most selfish thing I've ever heard. I am not going to judge you.. because I don't know you. However, you do need to grow up. Life is not always going to go as planned. If you think it will, marriage is going to eat you for lunch. Nothing goes as planned... not while you are planning your wedding or after you are married and living your own lives. Things pop up and sometimes no matter how great you plan something, it falls apart. You have a lot to learn and I don't think you are mature enough to be married right now. Heck, my mother in law called me by my now sister in laws name at my wedding... out loud for everyone to hear, but it is not because they like her more... she was just having a moment. I don't wish my brother and sister in law would divorce because of that incident.
Come to think of it... this might be why he is only your boyfriend and not your fiancee. He might not see you as marriage material right now.
2007-06-20 19:58:38 · answer #2 · answered by mrslang1976 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, competitive much?
Seriously, read back over your question as though it was from someone else. Try to be objective. What would you tell this person? Might you say:
"Hey, I know it's hard when people seem to have a favorite and it isn't you, but isn't the important thing here that your BOYFRIEND prefers you? Isn't the huge, critical thing here that you love him, he loves you, and you want to spend the rest of your lives together? Shouldn't your wedding, whether it happens next week or next year, be a celebration of your love and your start as a new, married couple?"
Then, might you go on to say, "How about just being happy for yourself, because you're marrying someone you love, and happy for his brother and brother's girlfriend, because they found each other and true love's not easy to find? How about being happy for your boyfriend's family, because both of their sons have found love? How about being secure that you're a good person (or at least want to be a good person - and that's a good start), and his family will learn to value you in time?"
Then say that to yourself, as often as you have to.
Life's not a race and there are no trophies for coming in "first," especially as who is "first" changes over the years. I can tell you that my neice's husband was my dad's favorite at first. He was a "guy's guy" and my dad loved that. Over time, though, everyone got to know how kind, supportive, patient and generally great my husband is, and became so happy over his being around that they forgot they ever had a favorite.
Be your best you and trust that they'll learn to value that in time - your boyfriend did. Don't let anything, including jealousy, ruin what should be a happy time for you and your boyfriend (who is, trust me, not enjoying your competitiveness with/jealousy over his brother's GF).
2007-06-20 05:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to even touch your question, because I feel you have other issues more important. My question to you would be........................
What's Going On with you and this kids parents. You are talking you want to GET MARRIED FIRST, but from the sound of it you would be in more trouble than just not being the first one to GET married.
Let me share with you a word of wisdom for whatever it is worth. I have been through two marriages. When I was growing up I thought I would get married, raise a family, and live life happily ever after. I WAS WRONG.
When you get involved with someone you are involved with thier WHOLE FAMILY. So don't mislead yourself into believing that this problem with his parents will pass in the night...because it will only get worse.
Any time the two of you have a problem be sure his mother will know all about it. Be sure too that once he starts complaining about you she will never accept you. If you think she has a problem with you now...wait until she thinks you are going to marry her son.
You had better fix whatever is wrong with your relationship with his mother, before you go worrying about who is going to marry first...it sounds like marriage is a game...and honey the gameplay only gets harder as the stakes for your "true love's attention gets divided between you and his mother.
Good luck young lady. I wish you the best for your future.
2007-06-20 05:38:20 · answer #4 · answered by nobodyspecial 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you're saying...you won't be ready for marriage for a LONG time with that kind of attitude. No man wants a whiny woman. Get over it. Some people find their loves sooner than others.
If you get married some day it will be just a important as any other marriage in your family. Quit being childish and grow up.
2007-06-20 06:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by smartin1248 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I will be married for 7yrs this July and my husband is the oldest and the 1st to get married. His sister (youngest) is getting married on Oct 13th of this year and his brother (middle) is getting engaged and supposedly planning to get married in the Spring and my In-Laws love my SIL's fiance and my MIL is always saying how nice Deni is and how great she is.......I started laughing and I told my husband, oh hell no, I've been putting up with them for the past 9yrs and Deni is just been dating your brother for a yr and she is already their favorite daughter-in-law! LMAO It kinda bugged me but she may have a more passive personality and I don't. I am the type that I don't let my IN-Laws run my marriage and i put my foot down and since she is new and not married yet, its a different relationship..........and I actually hope that they like her more so that they can leave me alone and focus their attention on her lol
2007-06-20 05:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure you are mature enough to be married. My husband's sister got engaged a few months after we did. We got married in March 2005 & they got married in August 2005. His sister and I weren't really close until we were planning our weddings at the same time. It was so fun! Now we're really close and talk every day (we've been married for 2 years, them...almost). Why don't you use this time to get close to your future in-laws instead of being negative and pushing them away? Why does it matter if they are engaged? They have been together for a really long time and if they want to be married, so be it. How long have you & your boyfriend been together?
Honestly, I think you should be happy for your boyfriend's brother. If you marry this guy, they are going to be your family. Do you want to start your life together on this negative note?
2007-06-20 05:25:25 · answer #7 · answered by Level Headed, I hope 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my! You need to get over yourself.
There is absolutely NO reason why your brother's marriage would IN ANY WAY take away from yours. All you have to do is plan yours on a different date, and no one (except perhaps you) will even think to compare the two events, or think of anyone but you & your husband on your wedding day.
Honestly, it sounds as if you're not mature enough for marriage anyway, so perhaps you should just cool your heels, and celebrate your brother's happiness.
2007-06-20 05:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I realize that your wedding is the event of the season in your OWN mind - but I will tell you this (being as I have been there, done that) people don't even THINK about your wedding the day after it's over. It's another blip in their calendar, another event, another obligation. Your wedding is a HUGE deal to you - but trust me, it's not as huge in everyone else's eyes. Who CARES if she gets married first? What difference does it make? Aren’t you getting married because you are in love with your fiancée and can’t wait to begin a life together? Because that’s the ONLY reason you should be getting married. My husband’s sister’s wedding and ours was 2 months apart. She didn’t give a damn. Her’s was over and then it was ours – and then people got on with life.
2007-06-20 05:27:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are very selfish. I was in this situation where a girl came over yelling at me because I was getting married 3 weeks before her and it was taking away from her. She called me selfish for not changing my wedding as she asked. This is so selfish just as you are. The world does not revolve around you. Get over it and live your life without trying to control and worry about others. Be happy without everything going your way. The only big marriage problem that I can see is your attitude.
2007-06-20 05:24:30 · answer #10 · answered by hungry 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What's the problem ...especially since it's his older brother getting married first? I could maybe see it if it was a younger brother or sister...but I kind of thought that one of the things about being the oldest is that you do things first...drive,vote...get married...
As for you and your boyfriend's wedding not being as important...don't worry about it. Every child is important so therefore every wedding of a child would be important.
Get married later...but have the first grandchild...that will teach them! (just a joke by the way)
Life isn't a competition...it's a celebration ....enjoy your relationship...celebrate his older brothers and try to be happy.
Good luck
2007-06-20 05:24:36 · answer #11 · answered by cookie 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋