How do I convince my fiance that getting a full time job and paying for daycare is not worth it in the end?

Question

Here's the situation. My fiance and I have a 18 month old daughter. He wants me to get a job so bad he can't see straight. I would love to make more money for us but I don't see that its worth it. If I were to get a job making $8.50 an hour (which is what I've been offered) and work 40 hrs a week I would roughly make $340 a week before taxes. So take out taxes and benefits then it would be about $275. So around here full time daycare costs $175 to $200 a week. So that knocks me down to $75- $100 a week in profit. let's not forget how much gas costs now too. I would easily spend $30 - $50 a week in gas. So to me its not worth it for me to pay someone else to raise my child for me to make less than $50 a week. Help me explain this to him, he is so dead set on me working he doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him.

Answer 1

We faced same situation when my youngest was born. After putting it down on paper we realized staying home was the best. You learn to adjust the way you live and you also realize how much money you just throw around. Believe me, it can be done. If extra income is important, take in 1 child to babysit during the day.

Answer 2

You might think of at least getting a part time job. Maybe one of your friends has a kid too and could watch your daughter when you work and then you do the same for her if she needs some time to shop by herself or do errands. You could also easily work a part time job that works around your husbands schedule so he could watch her. I do agree with you though that it costs too much money for you to work and pay someone to watch her. Your best argument is this; a child in daycare is more likely to have more sicknesses, therefore you would have to stay home from work missing hours and money. Most daycares still make you pay the full week if your child is sick so your still wasting that money just for you to stay home. Also, most daycares don't raise your child the way you want them to and conflict with other children can happen more easily. Tell him that you have more time for him, the baby, the house, and family in general if you don't work. Taking care of a child is a full time job.
Another idea, try working out of the home.

Answer 3

Girl, you have so much time on your side!! Reasons why you should wait 1. You are not married yet. Not that I think that is a bad thing. But you 2 obviously know your going to be together, why not wait and enjoy being married before adding a child to the mix. Trust me, you will wish you had taken time to go on vacations, nights out with friends and all that stuff before you had kids. It's much harder to enjoy each other after a baby! 2. Concentrate on school! I am 32 and I have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. I have gone back to school this year and finding the time to do my homework and studies is so much harder. 3. You're still essentially a kid yourself. No offense but enjoy these years. You can have a kid at 30 and be fine. I had my first at 27 and my 2nd at 30. I'm glad I waited as long as I did. Anymore, more people are waiting til later in life to have kids because everyone is so career oriented. I love my kids more then anything in this world and would die for them, but the truth is when you get pregnant it stops being about you. Everything that you wanted for yourself and your fiance wants for himself gets put on the back burner!! Enjoy being a young woman and let your fiance enjoy being 23! Besides, if you force him into something he really does not want to do, there is a good chance that he will resent you and possibly even that child. I hope this helps

Answer 4

Frankly its not worth it. Even if you were making 50k a year. Leave money out of the equation and ask yourself who will benefit the most...the kid! No one will look after a kid and teach a kid better than there parent. I have two small kids and my wife hasn't worked a traditional job in almost 10 years. You just have to learn to live within your means and sacrifice. Alot of people don't get that anymore. (to bad we haven't learnt from the Europeans - some Euro countries, parents are paid by the government to stay home a raise the kids).I don't ever regret my wife staying home. I have two happy health disciplined well ballenced kids. A daycare could never give you the same. I'm not knocking daycare providers, I'm sure there are good ones and people who have no choice like single parents. Is it really worth having someone else raise your kids so that you can get stuff? Explain to him that even if you take the job there is no money coming in. If he can't get that then he's a dipshit. As for explaining it to him I think you did a good job in your post. Also get him to explain why he wants you to work so badly, try to have him rationalize what he's asking, maybe if its just for "stuff" then put you daughter in front of him and ask him if she's worth a new computer, car, home ect. Also explain its not forever when your daughter starts school full time then you can get a full time job. If you want to make extra money and take care of your kid, my wife takes care of some kids and walks some older-ish kids to and from school and waits for the bus. For us thats a win-win, my kids socialize and we bring in enough to buy groceries for the week. There are ways around working and raising your kids you just have to figure out what will work best for you. Hope this helped in any way...good luck!

Answer 5

Raising your child yourself it worth more than $100 a week in extra money. Your child needs you - you are her life at this age (and earlier).

You can teach her limits and bounderies. You can teach her determination and confidence. You can instill all the things you think are important. I think a mother/parent's job is one of the most important.

Yes, I did have a high paying job before having my children. We had to change our lifestyle to afford for me to stay home. It is not easy, but I know my children are a direct result of the things I instill in them.

Maybe you can get a job on your husbands off hours (as another poster mentioned). That way you can earn the income without having to pay someone else and depend on someone else to watch your child.

I do not mean to sound judgemental. I think if you can afford to stay home, you should. If having a job is just paying for daycare you should stay home. Or, if your job is paying for the Lexus and the boat, you should stay home. Just my humble opinion.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Your husband means well, but I completely understand where you are coming from. I work, and my husband stays home for the same reason. In what we would pay for childcare he wouldn't bring anything home, and someone else would be watching our kids. Try to explain the pay vs. payout, but also include the benefit of you raising your child, not someone else. Also point out that with you working it's going to be harder to get housework done. Who's going to cook and clean with you both working? Is he willing to share the housework since you will be gone working also? Who's going to be the one to take off for your child Dr. appts? Depending on the hours available to work, and the number of days missed of work for things like illness you might pay the daycare for time your child won't even be there. A lot of day-cares have a pay even if your not here kind of contract. Same goes for if you decide to take your child out of daycare there is usually a penalty for pulling your child out. I hope some of these points help you to bring your husband around. It works great for us because I would rather work than clean the house.

Answer 7

You have to also take into account that you won't be making 8.50/hr forever you will get raises and other job opportunites will arise as well. You have to start somewhere just remember its always get worse before it gets better...so at first yah it will suck bringin in less than 50 dollars a week but once you get your foot in the door im sure you will find something else within the company which pays more...you have to crawl before you walk..just my 2cents from experience

Answer 8

Actually, you should get a job - not for him - but for you.

See, he may not be there always - for example, he could be seriously hurt or even killed in an accident. Then where would you be?

Believe me - 20 years a bottle-washer is by far more employable than 20 years a housewife. A lot of mommy-track women forget this - and end up in dire straits should their marriage end.

And what are you teaching your child - that Mommy's can't take care of themselves? That they cannot manage their own lives? That they have to have "a man" and that a "Job" is somehow wrong? Wow. Not good.

Now you might want to consider going back to school to earn more money - a good RN can earn something like $60K per year - after only a 2 year degree.

And yes, I believe in motherhood - but as Jesus said, Take the mote out of your eye so you can see to take the cast out of your neighbor's. You need a paying job. Period.

Answer 9

Look for a job that doesn't interfere with his hours - that way you both watch the baby and daycare isn't involved. That's what I did with my husband and it worked out fine.

Answer 10

It would be worth it, you could help pay for the daycare and gas, etc, instead of him paying for everything (if he does).

If you help pay for a few things, there will be more money for you guys, because not just 1 person is paying for everything. You should get the job.