How would you request money instead of gifts?

Question

My boyfriend/fiance already own our home and really dont need anything. How would you request monetary donations for the bridal shower/wedding present. We dont expect anything, but want to make sure we dont get stuff we dont need. Please dont take this the worng way it is just a question.

Admission?? I am not cheap I am not charging my guests to come to my wedding. i just dont NEED anything. For everyone who is leaving no so nice comments. We already live together and have all the needed house stuff that people ususally buy for showers and weddings, so we DO NOT exoect anything, however, know that people will bring gifts and we thought it would be easier just to let them know we would rather have $$ then a gift IF they were planning on bringing a gift. To those of you who understood the question thanks I will politely let my parents and his parents know so the "word of mouth" gets out.

By the way I am not on here that much so I didnt know this question is asked daily...

Answer 1

The right way to do it is to tell your immediate family and friends so they can spread the word when guests ask them about your registries. You do NOT under ANY circumstance mention Gifts, Money or Registries in your invitations. Your guests WILL try to find out where you are registered...when they ask, that is when they should be told by your family and friends. It is not something they should find out via your formal invitation...that is absolutely tacky.

Your Maid/Matron of Honor or family member hosting your bridal shower may choose to list any registries in your bridal shower invitation but they should NOT write "cash only" or anything similar...again, tacky and offensive to guests. If they do not list any registries in your bridal shower invitation, most likely the guests will call to find out what the bride is registering for...that is when your MOH/Family tells that guest that a monetary contribution towards your honeymoon would be appreciated. Nothing in writing, just word of mouth.

Be aware, you will STILL get some physical gifts, no matter what. Gifts are chosen by the giver, not by the receiver. If someone has been so kind to pick out an item for you, just say thank you, be gracious, send a thank you card, and move on. Appreciate the gift in the spirit it was given.

Answer 2

Be prepared for some outraged answers. It's only because this question is asked 4 or 5 times a day and it always gets the same answer.

Never put anything on the invites about the gifts. You're correct in not "expecting" anything. But putting a registry or anything about money on the invites makes it look like you do expect a gift. If you would rather have money, dont register anywhere. Tell you mom and close family you would just prefer money and people will most defiantly be calling to ask where you have registered. It is then ok for them to inform people you would prefer money. Be prepared to return gifts you dont want, it simply comes with the territory and is unavoidable.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I won't take it wrong - but the bottom line is absolutely NO.

Asking for money instead of gifts is wrong. It's rude and presumptuous that a gift of any kind, be it object or cash is the sole reason why you invited someone to celebrate your marriage.

I'm glad that you and your fiance have worked hard to buy your own home. That's truly an accomplishment of which you can be proud.

But that doesn't excuse you from good manners - ever.

If you want to ensure people will at least have the chance to get you something you want/need, then use a bridal registry. That's what they're for.

However, no matter what - never ever request money. And even if you do get 35 toasters, be grateful for what you get. Period.

Answer 4

I would suggest not asking for anything at all. I mean, cash is always nice, sure. But, I would just recommend that people bring themselves; I would make a point that you do not expect gifts, but that you would like the gift of their presence.

I understand the idea behind asking for cash instead of gifts, but the fact is, you can always return those really weird gifts. Even better, perhaps what you get as wedding presents will be better than your older stuff.

My wife and I were in the same situation. We already had established our house and belongings. We could have used the cash, but instead, took what we got, kept what we wanted, and returned everything else. That way, you can pick something out that you never thought you needed, but suddenly want!

Answer 5

My bro and his fiancee have a house and all that junk too and were in a similar situation.The way they handled it was not to register and not to have a bridal shower (she made the point clear that there was to be NO shower from her friends or family, which cause a riot but was eventually accepted...) Most of the wedding guests have suggested they will just be giving cash since there is no registry, it seems to be unwritten knowledge at that point. Of course, they never directly asked for money but without a registry or shower plus the fact that they already have a house, cars, boat, etc, everyone just figures money is best. I am sure they will recieve some gifts as well but not to the point they would otherwise. My sister-in-law to be simply says that they already have all that they need but thanks for asking when people ask what they need or why they didn't register.

Seems to be working for them.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You can put this in shower invitations, but not the wedding invitation--that is considered ruder than rude, and extremely poor etiquette. The best way to spread info like this is through word of mouth, or if you have a wedding website you can put it on there. Tell your parents, close friends, members of the wedding party, etc., your wishes regarding gifts.

I'd also suggest registering somewhere--you may not need basic stuff, but there isn't more "luxury" items you wouldn't like to have? What about a second set of dishes for different occasions, or that really cool espresso machine, or a funky set of barware for entertaining? Heck, I've been married for over 19 years, and there's STILL cool stuff out there I'd like to get if I could. Congrats and good luck!

Answer 7

It's not abnormal to prefer cash over presents but it IS definitely a no-no to actually ASK people for money. Gift-giving is as much for the giver as it is for the recipient and when you tell someone what they can and cannot give you, it makes you seem very ungrateful for the thought. I agree with everyone who said to spread it by word of mouth. Also, you SHOULD go ahead and establish a gift registry someplace like Target. With a Target registry, you will get lots of gift cards and then you can spend that on everyday needs - even toilet paper! I know it seems you have all the house items you want but that's almost impossible. This is the time to request items that you wouldn't normally splurge on for yourself - like 500 threadcount sheets, upgraded appliances, nicer things. Because when we buy for ourselves, we tend to be practical and spend what we have. So I would do a registry to REPLACE some of the house items you have where you would like something nicer that you wouldn't normally splurge on. Goodluck!

Answer 8

This is asked daily on this forum - just do a search and you'll find loads of answers and suggestions.

There is no polite way to ask for money. However, most people attending will understand your situation and will likely give money instead of a gift (or at least ask). For those who will never give money, do a very short registry instead. My friend registered through a camping store because she and her now husband had just started camping and hiking. They didn't need household stuff because they've lived by themselves for 10 years.

Let your parents know you'd prefer money, and if folks ask them, they can spread the word.

Answer 9

I can't believe the way people are answering you...it's your wedding!! I would put your registries with just minimal items and lots of gift cards or something. You shouldn't come right out and mention money but you could also have a "honeymoon" theme bridal shower or something. That way people get the hint that you want that kind of thing. ??? Good luck- I am just not much into what is the right etiquette?

Answer 10

You can't request money in an invitation - tacky. Don't register anywhere although you are going to get shower gifts. Most people don't want to give money for a shower, so expect towels and toasters and the like. Wedding presents are normally money, especially if you don't register. If all you want is is money I wouldn't have a shower. The whole purpose of a shower is to help the couple furnish their house not give them cash for a honeymoon.