I am a single lady and a married church elder came just to visit one day to 'see how I was just getting along'. His wife is lovely and the truest person you could ever wish to meet. All of a sudden her husband said, "I'm sure God won't mind you fondling yourself, seeing as you've no husband". How on earth the conversation ever got round to that, beggars belief. I had done/said nothing to get this remark/comment. I feel upset about what he said. How should I handle this?
2007-06-20 02:06:58 · 50 answers · asked by Say It Like You Mean It 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWERS ALREADY - this is a true, genuine story that just happened to me yesterday.
2007-06-20 02:11:47 · update #1
He may be a church elder, but more fundamentally he's a male human being. It's quite possible he "likes" you and is simply clumsy and inept about expressing it. I suggest you give him a little slack. He may realize his error, or he may not. If he brings up such an inappropriate topic again, give him a piece of your mind and be blunt about it. (Men don't understand subtle hints.) If he tries it a third time, call the cops and/or your minister and nail him. After you've made it clear you're not interested in his opinions or attentions, you do not have to tolerate sexual harassment -- not in the workplace, not at church, and certainly not in your own home.
Edit: Many answers above suggest immediate severe reprisals. I remind you that legally it's not sexual harrasssment until after you've made it clear that you're NOT interested in either his attentions or opinions. It's perfectly natural for males to make suggestive indecent propositions and it is natural for women to either accept or reject such suggestions. Before you become indignant, be sure you've fulfilled your ethical responsibilities as a woman and have clearly rejected his attention. After you've done that, feel free to call the cops and your pastor. I think notifying his wife will only cause her needless suffering and won't help your situation. She is not her husband's keeper, nor is she responsible for his actions.
2007-06-20 02:30:52 · answer #1 · answered by Diogenes 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Saint Paul taught that, if you have a problem with a church leader, you should confront him as soon as possible and, if that does not bring a satisfactory resolution, to take it to the body of the church. You should therefore let your minister know straightaway that there is a problem and that you need a resolution, otherwise it will be revealed to the Fellowship.
Your brother Elder sounds like he is in need of counselling and this may be the best way to bring it about.
2007-06-20 04:32:50 · answer #2 · answered by Norman W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Checking on any woman's welfare requires two elders, the pastor or perhaps a trustee; if no other elder is available and the possibility of financial help is in question.
This event should go direct to the pastor and no one else as he should not have been at your house to begin with. It is not clear from your question whether his wife was with him or not? Even if she was with him, this comment should still go to the pastor; whether she heard the comment or not.
In most churches the elders are appointed by the pastor; so it is to the pastor you must go.
2007-06-20 03:24:16 · answer #3 · answered by Tommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his wife was WITH him at the time, I'm SURE he received an earful as soon as they left your house. If not, then a private word with his wife about what he said to you will end in the same result. The person crossed a line that is NOT open to someone representing a Church., without first being invited to discuss matters that are over that line.
Raji the Green Witch
2007-06-20 02:14:51 · answer #4 · answered by Raji the Green Witch 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Report that elder.No man elder should come alone to a single woman's house anyway. Another elder should have accompanied him. An elder would never say something like this- not good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should leave the church if nothing is done.
2007-06-20 03:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have been offended but if he did not make any other suggestions in that he wanted to do it for you etc., I don`t think you would have much of a case. It may have been offensive but it wasn`t an offense, technically.
He is probably just a sexy pervert and it gave him a thrill to mention your private parts and watch your reaction.
By all means call his wife and let her know what he`s up to, save someone else being targetted.
You will have done someone a favour, and maybe saved someone else from being molested by him.
Good luck. Ignore those who are trying to involve you by saying you are not telling the truth, why would you want to lie on here about that. Makes no sense.
2007-06-20 02:24:09 · answer #6 · answered by Montgomery B 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
That Elder was absolutely out of place to say that to you. What was your response to him when he made that remark? I would have said, Excuse me, should you really be saying something like that to me? I would then go and talk with my Pastor and his wife about what was said. I am thinking this Elder was maybe having impure thoughts about you and that statement just popped out. Out of the heart the mouth speaketh. I would keep my distance from him for a while. I can't believe that he would even think for a minute that a statement like that was acceptable. He owes you an apology.
Edit: I agree with geoff m's reply.
2007-06-20 02:13:01 · answer #7 · answered by Caleb's Mom 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well of course it was totally inappropriate for him to say this to you. It is terrible but just because people are associated with the church doesn't necessarily make them nice people. He has overstepped the mark. I would make it very clear to him that you will not tolerate this sort of talk from him again & if he makes any more remarks like this report him. You are right to be upset by this.
2007-06-20 02:25:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is absolutely no scripture to support this man's inappropriate and disrespectful comment. He was completely out of line, as his wife should have told him. You might want to speak to your pastor about this person. Not only does he owe you a tremendous apology, be his position as an elder should be questioned. Talk to your pastor about this, without delay.
2007-06-20 02:19:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow...umm...some ppl just don't know what is inappropriate. Are they old?? some times you just lose it a little and say things out of the ordinary.
Maybe they see that you are a young person and that that kind of thing is what ppl around your age struggle with, and they have been there done that and aren't concerned about being embarrassedd.....they didn't intend to embarrasse you.
2007-06-20 02:16:28 · answer #10 · answered by eirama 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋