My sister & brother in law have recently separated after a rocky 20 year marriage. My sister has coped really well, bought her own place, new job, new start.....my brother in law however has really shocked me. We were all really close and he knew there were no bad feelings towards him at all but he has just distanced himself completely. I have a young son who is their ownly nephew and he has not tried to see him at all. I kept contacting my brother in law but he would never call back and always had excuses for seeing us. I just find it hard to understand how he can go six months without phoning once. My son has now stopped mensioning his Uncle and i just feel i shouldnt bother with him either. I did my best to keep contact but he hasnt made the slightest effort at all. It's his birthday today but i have decided not to send a card. Do you think i'm doing right? I'm not gonna change my mind now, just interested in what others would do in that situation.
2007-06-20 01:27:33 · 17 answers · asked by Scorps 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Leave him alone.
He most likely will move on with his life and not look back. Some people have to do this, others just choose to do this.
Your children will have a new 'uncle' when your sister is ready. And then she will not want her ex hanging around.
2007-06-20 01:39:29 · answer #1 · answered by ~Casper~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have cut himself off in order to try to make a fresh start. This may seem harsh to you but as he is not a blood relation he might think its best to cut ties.
Also perhaps he is having a hard time getting over the divorce - sometimes men can really struggle with that as their egos can be badly damaged maybe he is depressed
Give him another chance but leave him for a bit first to sort himself out 6 months isn't that long after all!
2007-06-20 01:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't making an effort to contact you then there is no way you can be in the wrong. You tried would just forget about him if doesn't seem like he want's to be a part of your lives anymore. Don't be too mad though if the marriage was problematic he might just want to spare his ex wife the pain of him being around so often or maybe her just wants to move on with his life. It could be anything really.
2007-06-20 02:24:31 · answer #3 · answered by nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU have made the effort to remain in contact, but HE has given you the answer to your question by his own actions -- he does NOT Want to stay in touch, and he has done this consistently over the past few months.
So at this time, although you could try once again ... I would say let it go ... and you should NOT feel guilty at all about the situation. YOU have done your best. There is nothing else you can do.
2007-06-20 02:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it must be that they must feel like they're betraying their ex because they arent blood related or even related through marriage any more. They've probably decided you should be loyal to your sister who has just gone through a divorce. They just might be afraid to keep in touch because they are wanting to distance themselves from the partner and you probably remind him too much of her. Whatever the reason don't take it personally it is such a tough time you do not know inside what he must have been going through.
2007-06-20 01:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by a beautiful lie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's only so much you can do to make him realise that he's going to miss out on seeing his own nephew - but that's his choice in the end, and no deal of talking will change his mind.
He must be trying to work through stuff he's got on his mind about the break up. I'd leave him to sort it out himself - I'm sure once he does he'll make contact again.
If not.....you had done your best......
2007-06-20 01:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear_45 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done all that you can do. Maybe he is not ready to see the family yet or he has just simply moved on. Do they have any kids together. If not it is quite possible he has just decided to move forward and not look back. You should do the same. You said your sister was doing fine, and has moved on right? She has let him go, you need to too. Good Luck.
2007-06-20 01:33:50 · answer #7 · answered by juggalizzle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I suggest is that you don't take it personally.....you said it yourself....He's "distancing himself"... I mean as far as his mind might be concerned, he's the odd one out....no blood relation.
Yes you did the right thing....let him get himself together....20 years is A long time, rocky or not.....but if he comes out of hybernation, don't reject him without giving him the opportunity to explain. Everyone deserves a fair trial, and if you shoot him down, it'll only put into place the "outsider" theory....
2007-06-20 01:33:37 · answer #8 · answered by missceekay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to clap one hand, isn't it? We don't know the motivation that leads him to isolate himself--probably guilt or shame (those are generally the biggies).
Let him know that you care about him, that you want contact, and that your openness to a connection won't go away. The remainder is up to him. He may come 'round at some point.
2007-06-20 01:39:59 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have tried enough to be honest. When I split with my ex husband my brother-in-law didn't keep in touch, kids saw their cousins through their dad until they decided they didn't want to see their dad so they lost touch with their cousins, ex then fell out with his brother and brother-in-law sent a card at christmas saying we should meet up so kids could see each other. By this time I had come to the conclusion that he didn't want to stay in touch with me after ex and me split and it was a good 4-6 months after he fell out with his brother when he got in touch so I decided not to meet up with him.
2007-06-20 02:16:00 · answer #10 · answered by luz2loz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋