smacking children?

Question

does anyone believe that we have to face facts and realise that all this pampering round kids is causing the unruly children we have today.
i smacked my three children. on the hand or on their bottom. i did not use anything but my hand. when they were smacked they didn't do it again
it taught them respect......not fear!!!!!....
i now have three well adjusted adult children who have done great at school, hold down responsible jobs and have kids of their own.
they smack their children when they are naughty and i am proud to say i have been told what well behaved and polite grand children i have. they do great at school and are outgoing and polite
smacking your kids is not abuse. using belts and sticks is.
so maybe before you start stabbing at me have a look at the same question about a year ago on here and see how many people get the thumbs down.....its the molly coddling brigade.

TO MUMMY OF A GORGEOUS....

cant you read properly.....i have adult kids who are well adjusted......i did not install fear into my kids. i have a fantastic relaionship with them.
look back at this in 10 years time and tell me what your kids like after you pamper them
"darling dont do that again" DOES NOT WORK

TO MONKIENUTZ
thank you. i agree about the politian thing. kids today are out of control. even teachers are scared of them
we got belted at school and that taught a lesson you didnt forget.

TO LIVINGFORTHEWEEKEND

so i take it that if your verbally scold your child they never do it again..............?

get real!!!!

TO ME
so you think i smacked my kids bacause they made mistakes......you do not smack kids for making mistakes, i smacked them for being bad and doing dangerous things
and to put you right. my children always came to me with their problems.
and they still do.......i have a really close relationship with them

TO FLUEROHALL
um.......no. so you are telling me that my son still fears me?
he has a great deal of respect for me. his own words......and why would a 33 year old guy of 6' 2" FEAR his mum

TO DERBYANDREW

well said

Answer 1

I just read that if you smack a child hard enough to leave a mark you could get up to 5 years imprisonment (Daily Telegraph Saturday).Which is a bit odd when they let paedophiles off with less

Answer 2

Children unfortunately don't come with a User Manual. I have a well balanced, happy and successful son of 27 (only child) and the only advice I ever took was that children need a structure within which they can live.

They need to know the limits they must not cross and they need to understand that with freedom comes responsibility, even from a very young age. Hopefully you will never have to punish your child but the potential for punishment must be real, present and understood and most importantly, must be carried out if necessary.

So often I hear parents threatening their child with some impossible punshment. Children aren't stupid and soon get used to these empty threats. If you are going to threaten your child with a punishment make sure you can and are prepared to carry it out.

Smacking always has to be the last resort and by then you have probably lost the argument anyway. Withdrawal of privilege (e.g. grounding) is usually much more effective.

The real downside with smacking is that it teaches our children that violence, however "harmless" is acceptable. That is why it has to be used with discretion and avoided wherever possible.

I agree that in pampering our children, we are creating a generation which is unable to take risks. We have created this society ourselves (how often have we heard stories like parents suing because their child was hurt and there was no "warning sign" saying "If you climb this tree you may fall and get hurt").

Children need to take risks and understand the consequences of their actions. Yes, falling out of a tree hurts but at least they'll know that, next time they try. But hopefully, they'll try!

God save us from this nanny state.....

Answer 3

My mum smacked my hand or bottom (never hard - just a little slap if you like) when i had been bad - that thought me not to do it again cause i saw that my mum was upset and i obviously didn't like being smacked. I have always had a great relationship with my mum and she has never been anything than supporting and loving. I ahve now just had a baby myself and i can't say exactly how i will react when she's starting to misbehave but i do know that being verbal can cuase just as much, if not more, damage than a smack on the hand. My father was the opposite...He never smacked me but he would shout loud, say things he didn't mean in anger and generally scare me with words and it has taken me years to overcome the insecurities that has been caused by this and we don't even speak anymore so it's up to you what you think... - we will be strict with our girl but do get through to a child you need to be on their 'level and not hit, shout or blame.

Answer 4

totally agree we went out with frienda afew weeks ago and while they reasoned with there child for nearly 40 minutes mine did it straight away how do you do that she asked mine get a smacked hand or bottom not hard just enough so they know i mean buisness i was smacked as a child and grew up with respect and boundaries and i want my kids to be well adjusted not like some of the disrespectful little yobs that sit around street corners i was walking home from a friends the other night and was called a big fat bastard i am actually 8 months pregnant i would not have dared to do that as a child but then again i wouldnt have been sat out at midnight either

Answer 5

My children are 7, 5, and 1. Yes I smack on the hand and on the bottom. I will tell you this much is that My kids have a friend who has never been smacked and there is a BIG difference in behavior. My kids know their boundaries and if they dare set foot over them then they know the consequences. I count to 3 also and even my 1 yr old knows that she better stop before I say three or she will get her bottom smacked.

I was smacked when I was a kid and now I am fine. I don't abuse my kids, it is just discipline. CPS told me that I can smack my kids on the hand or bottom with an open hand and not leave a mark and that is ok.

Answer 6

I think there are many forms of discipline that work with children.

I wouldn't necessarily call 'smacking' abuse.

However, keep in mind that there are many cases where children are burned with ciggerettes, locked in closets for days on end, literally starved and beaten to a degree where they are physically bruised or have life-long sustaining injuries.

Children that go through these situations definitely deserve to be helped in any way possible, and yes it does do serious psychological damage in this regard.

As for smacking being the primary reason why children are out of control these days - I have to disagree.

I think there is a huge uprise in lack of parenting altogether*

For example:
- Parents who don't care what their children do
- Parents who don't care to instill any forms of positive behavior, or reinforcement
- Parents who allow their children to become unruly

Even on the news, you hear about cases where parents shove their children into garbage bags and leave them for dead. I have to ask myself - What kinds of parents are these people, and how could you do something like this to another human being?

I think bad schools/miseducation, lack of role-models, broken family structures (where the child literally has no one that cares), and bad environments play a huge role in 'unruly children'.

You can't pinpoint one form of discipline and state that this is the only way that things work. It's not. As I stated earlier, many forms of discipline work on raising a good child.

It is the lack of discipline and caring family altogether that brings up an unruly child.

Answer 7

i was smacked and even got the belt on occasion. i agree that smacking works mostly. without discipline we have anarchy and the kids of today have too much information with regards to their 'rights'. they know they can get away with murder and not have to face any serious consequences. the reason you have to smack more than once is because children forget just the same as women forget the pain of labour i mean lets face it if you could remember the pain in detail we would all stop at one child. its the same with smacking they forget the pain and humiliation and that is why you have to do it again. eventually you can stop as the lesson is learnt. my kids have been smacked from a very early age especially a smack on the hand if they have been doing something dangerous and now it is very rare i have to smack them as the lesson is learnt and it is fear of repercussion that stops them from being naughty. balls to the rights brigade they are ruining this country.

Answer 8

I completely agree with you. However, I think the law changed not because of us bottom/hand smackers but because there are nutters out there who don't know when to stop. One smack on the bottom and a telling off has more effect than a severe beating. The child then only remembers the beating, not the reason behind it. Also a beating is when someone is out of control, so they are hardly likely going to be explaining the right from wrongs as to why the child is being punished. It is because of these power crazy/no anger management people that we have these ridiculous rules.

Answer 9

I totally agree with you,my children are all professional people and love and respect me despite smacks,people of our generation are also all well adjusted despite smacking being the norm,we are not all violent because we were smacked like some would have us all believe(violence breeds violence),what utter poppycock.

If the theory of the do gooders is so hot,why are the children of today so disrepectful and quite a lot violent?

It was said in a report a few weeks ago that after interviewing pupils in school 70% of boys admit to carrying a knife,enough said.

Answer 10

personally I was spanked as a child and I find it useless I still did the bad things just I would instead do it behind my mother's back

I now am a responsible, educated, well adjusted adult

my brother on the other hand was not spanked but instead my used time out and other methods (we are 12 years apart) he is also responsible, educated and well adjusted

thus I dont think that spanking children makes them good adults, teaching your children to do the right thing is what does it

now as an adult, I am against spanking, I dont feel you should have to hit your child to get them to respect you or do what you say...there are other more effective methods that have been developed. I dont think spanking is abuse I just think its outdated. Besides nowdays they have proven that hitting your children just teaches them to hit. You have hit your kids, and they have hit their kids and no doubt your grandchildren will hit theirs. You are proud of passing that on?

I would much rather have children who are skilled in obtaining respect without having to hit someone to get it. Does a boss hit his employee to get him to do what he wants? Nope
There is a punishment and reward system. Just like when we were kids. heheheh - you do what they ask you get a raise, a promotion or at the least you get to keep your job. If you dont, you wind up fired.

I guess the point is, there are better alternatives in 2007!

Answer 11

I agree. I have 5 children from 2yrs to 17yrs I have smacked their hands on occasions - it is an essential parental tool when other forms of discipline haven't worked. Don't get me wrong, like you I am not condoning hitting children in any way, but a sharp tap or smack can do wonders when other things haven't worked.

For example one of my children as a 2 yr old started to bite for some reason. Nothing worked to stop it until one day she went to bite her brother and I tapped her sharply on the back of the hand along with a 'NO you do not do that' - guess what, she never tried to bite again. When you are out and see children misbehaving, out of control, rude and back-chatting their parents don't you just wish those parents had taken a similar approach to discipline? Like you all my children are doing exceptionally well, are well balanced, have never ever caused any problems or been in any kind of trouble and people say what a credit they are.

It is an acceptable form of discipline if done right as millions of us can testify and it seems too much of a coincidence that the massive rise in unruly kids and problem teenagers coincides with the mamby pamby pander to the kids approach.

To quote an old adage - it never did me any harm!