BF tricked me into have Sex, how to handle him in public ?

Question

I told my sorta of casual bf (we are tested together regularly and dont see anyone else) that I would give him oral last night but that is all.
As I was giving him Oral he said he had to have me.
I said NO I did not want sex at all that night and I was enjoying giving him oral.
He then said for me to lie on my chaise and he would come on me. Instead he (gently) grabbed my knees and got on top of me.
Again I said no and tried to squirm away but i was cornered and he was on top me.
He then pushed himself up against me and said he would just rub a little on the outside. I said NO sex inside me. He then wriggled between my legs part and immediately start thrusting i said no again.
He is foot taller than me & finally i gave up.Plus he parted my legs and i couldnt turn awaybecause I was cornered. i feel guilty because I ended up enjoing it.
but i told him no and wasnt playing around (he wasnt wearing protection)
He pulled out before he came but he looked so wild and excited Im afraid he mightve had some preC/
we're both around 30 btw
what upsets me the more i think about it is that I WAS serious, we did not have condoms and i was in mid of fertile cycle.
I cared about him but he shouldve respected when i said 'seriously no'
Also he is only the 2nd man Ive ever slept with because I m old fashioned.
I took Plan B today and I have decided to never speak to him again.
My family is private and wont allow me to make this public and since I enjoyed it and had already given him oral it would be too hard to prove
What I want to know is HOW to handle him ?
I live near him and both he and I are rooted in this community for the rest of our lives.
Should I just ignore him in public ? Should I avoid places he goes for a while while memory is fresh ?
Should I seem cool and calm and happy ?

Advice please

We agreed via AIM that is would ONLY be oral and kissing before I allowed him to see me. Nothing else. I explained I didnt want to get attached by having sex again.

Answer 1

What a @#$%^%. This is definitely rape. Northernlamb sounds like one of those people in old fashioned court rooms (and sadly some modern ones) who tries to put blame on the person who was raped. It is not teasing to give oral. To say that oral is teasing and automatically means you will give sex is like saying kissing is teasing and means you will allow them to touch you under your clothes and vice versa (like masturbating each other or something). It is also basicallythe same as saying if you have vaginal sex, you just agreed to anal. It is ridiculous. You can do something without doing everything. Even if she had agreed to vaginal-penile sex, which she did not agree to, and clearly said no to repeatedly, and she tried to stop him from it when he did it, and he first ignored her words and tried to trick her into it, then flat out ignored her words and trying to get away. It is RAPE. People like Northernlamb and Schoolboy saying you brought it on yourself or intended to do it or liked it, make me so sick.

You can't help that it felt good physically. You have nerves down there. If someone injected me with drugs, the drug might effect me in a positive way and make me feel good, but I'd still feel violated (and it would be damaging to me), and it WOULD be violating me. Same thing with this. You can't help how it affected your nerve endings- positively or negatively. You obviously feel bad that it happened and it WAS rape. Even if you didn't feel bad about it (which I know you said you do, and I believe you) and even if you liked it physically and emotionally and had no negative feelings or results, it would STILL BE RAPE just because you said no and he did it. Even if you hadn't meant no, which I BELIEVE you DID mean no and people should always assume no means no, the thing is that he could never be sure that someone wasn't serious if they said no, so if he will do it to one person, he would do it to anyone including someone who did mean it, so he still has the mindset and actions of a rapist and he is a rapist. However, yes I do believe you meant no. I do not think it is a tease. People agree to go so far sexually. What that other person said was the equivalent of saying if you do something you have to do everything which is bull. Also, sometimes people think they want something then start feeling bad about it and changing their mind and they have the right to do that. If you had said yes and changed your mind during it, and he didn't stop, it would have been rape.

I am sorry you had to deal with this. He needs to be reported. Since you didn't get a rape kit done directly afterwards, it'll be hard to prove, but at LEAST there will be a record somewhere saying someone reported one, and they can't prove he didn't, so if anyone else reports him, maybe they'll take that report more seriously because of yours. Also, they'd prob. have to notify him, and maybe you or someone would then be able to explain to him that what he did was technically rape. After being contacted by police about it, maybe the insensitive, idiot will realize that his actions could get him in big trouble and maybe he'll think twice next time. If you feel you need counseling get it. Also, try to get a copy of your conversation saying it would only be oral. Some people will be fools and say something like the previous respondant did about teasing or you intending to do it, but anyone with any compassion and common sense will actually see it as being a sign that you had said NO to vaginal-penile sex. While they will not know what you said later, they will see proof you had said no at that point. Talk to a rape crisis center as was suggested, and see what they say. Good luck and to heck with the people who put blame on you. It was NOT your fault.

I am saddened that someone has thumbs downed several people calling the man what he is- a rapist. I am also saddened that no one has thumbs downed the jerk blaming you (edit- there is one) and gave her two thumbs up, but obviously most people here SUPPORT you and know this man is a rapist. I would thumbs down northernlamb and schoolboy (who thankfully does have more thumbs downs) myself, but I can't give thumbs down or up for some reason. I want you to know that no matter what situation you were in, this should have never happened. He is the one to blame. Besides, despite what northernlamb says, you trusted this man, you were dating him, and so you decided to do SOMETHING not EVERYTHING with him. She acts like doing anything was such a big rape risk, but most of us eventualyl trust our boyfriends and girlfriends enough to go out with them technically, they could rape us if we're just hanging out with them alone but most of us trust them that much at some point and we are in that situation. Is she saying we should all be raped? No matter what situation you were in, you should not have been raped. Caution is good, but most of us are going to engage in some degree of sexual activity with others and most of us are going to be alone with male friends (or females- sometimes they rape, too) or boyfriends. I'd say she has been alone with another person before, and probably has been alone with a man before, too, but she wasn't asking for rape. No one ever is. And no one ever deserves it. Anyone with common sense in their heads and compassion in their hearts, knows this. Sure, caution is advisable and should be encouraged, but no one should ever blame the victim.

Oh, one last thing- if you go to the police, yes the questions will be uncomfortable and may even be callous, rude, etc., but hopefully they will be respectful and nice and you need to get this guy on record as being accused of this. As I said, they may not prove he did it, but they can't prove he didn't, so it'll prob. be dropped due to lack of evidence, but should stay on file. Don't talk to him until you've reported him and he has been contacted by authorities. You don't want them questioning why you contacted the sicko. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you. Good luck.

Answer 2

Tricked To Have Sex

Answer 3

If you said no, and he still had sex with you, than he raped you. I won't get into the issues of whether you encouraged him or not, but by the way you describe it, he had intercourse with you without your consent. That is rape. If you choose not to go to the police, that is your business. How you interact with him in public depends on you. Personally, I say you live your life like normal and don't worry about seeing him. If you see him, then just ignore him. If he tries to impose his presence on you, simply let him know how lucky his is that you didn't go to the police when he raped you.

I do want to point out one thing you should take from the experience as a lesson for the future. If you are with someone and they try to push you after you say no, then cut them off cold. Unless he physically held you down and completely forced himself on you, you could have stopped it at any point by just standing up and not participating.

Answer 4

bf tricked sex handle public

Answer 5

He was dead wrong in having sex with you. On the other hand you were teasing him with giving him oral sex. You sound more like a teenager who knows nothing about life. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

You allowed yourself to be in that situation so I don't think you really meant that you did not want to have intercourse. Don't put all the blame on him when you could have said no to anything at all.

If you treat him any differently in public others will know that something happened between you. Show some respect.

Answer 6

You have a tough case here. At first, what you did was consentual. Which is in his favor. But he carried it further than you wanted it to go, and that is, technically, rape. But you claimed that you enjoyed that. So it's really a sticky case to pursue, if you meant to take legal action. You could if you wanted to, it's still unconsentual, and you might win, who knows?

You could avoid this guy, or even tell him to back off from you or you will indeed have him prosecuted. It's your choice.

I think if this were to happen again, a good swift kick in the crotch would bolster the word "NO!" for you. Do not ever give in if you do not consent to it.

Answer 7

I would confront him on it. Express your concerns to him and make sure he understand your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Make it clear to him that you are uncomfortable being around him when it's just the two of you and that you would prefer that you both distance yourself from one another.

As for making it public I think you messed up by admitting you had some enjoyment out of it. Seeing that you consented to oral sex will bring up the question "well if you committed to oral how do we know you didnt commit fully to intercourse?" Its a tough situation to be in but you can only take this as a lesson learned.

As for being old fashioned you cant deviate what things about sexual activity you will do and wont do. Being old fashioned is completely denying anything sexual before marriage. I think you have old fashioned morals but your intentions are more modern than you think. Him being your second guy and you consenting to oral sex causes concern and confusion with the whole situation.

My advice, you stay completely away from it totally. If not then accept yout actions for what they are and not make excuses later on.

Answer 8

Treat him like the rapist that he is. Tell him that you never want to see, hear, or speak to him again. Tell him that you are disappointed that he did not have enough respect for you to do what you asked. Tell him that you can never feel the same about him, so it is best that you avoid each other, and never speak of this incident again.

He definitely does not love you, or he would not have put his sexual desires above your wishes.

By the way, I would not let myself get into that situation again. If you are not ready, just avoid the act altogether. It is safer that way.

Answer 9

It's rape but it would be hard to prove, you're right. I would go to a rape counseling center and get advice. I would tell him, once, that he raped you and that you hope never to see him again. Then avoid him. Ignore him in public. Tell your family that he is dangerous and they should be sure not to talk to him either. Avoid places he goes, you don't need the drama.

Answer 10

First off
you need to file a police report
for rape


dont feel sympathy for this bsterd
he needs to pay

2nd
what is his address id like to beat his head in with a baseball bat and then shove it up his ***