when my boyfriend is under stress he disappears on me?

Question

Whenever my boyfriend has workstress or pressure or any kind he goes quiet and with that I mean he doesnt call/text/ or answer my texts or calls... it makes me very angry, I find it disrespectful.. I told him this and still he keeps doing it.... what can I do so he will act normal and call me back even if he experiences a bit of workstress... is this normal? it upsets me a lot, as if whenever he has stress I dont exist anymore for him

thank you for all the great answers so far, they really help me. I called him myself last night and he just ignores my phone call, with this I mean he sees Im calling and he doesnt pick up, that really pisses me off

Answer 1

Let him know that he can come to you for anything, and that you can help.

Answer 2

Uh...

I can understand how you feel, I had a boyfriend that went into his shell also when adversity struck.

There really is nothing you can do for him other than understand and give him space, he is not one to share his emotions. That is just him and it is quite normal.

The only thing I can advise you to do is at a non-stress related time with him, CALMLY ask him why he won't communicate with you about issues that disturb him. You never know that answer might surprise you.

Don't take it personal, give your guy the space he needs and possibly in the future he might open up to you.

Answer 3

This is not unusual Mary, I know I've done the same to girlfriends in the past. I disappeared because firstly I was afraid I'd be so miserable that my girlfriend would be dragged down with me and go off me. Also I disappeared because wherever possible I like to deal with problems by myself and not involve friends and partners. All you can do is be sympathetic to him and at a good time, tell him that you still love him when's he's miserable and you're happy to help sort his problems out with him. Good luck.

Answer 4

Be there for him. Find a time when he's not stressed as much, and then tell him that you are so happy to be a part of his life, but that you want to share ALL of his life, including the rough times. Be nonconfrontational, and share your feelings, using I statements. "I feel frustrated when you don't share your rought times with me, and when you don't answer your calls." He may simply want to spare you from the idea that he isn't the perfect man. You see, in our culture, men have this idea, whether they see it or not, that showing emotion is weakness, and sharing troubles means that they can't handle it on their own. Women, on the other hand, seem to measure sucess by relationships. We desire friends and a close knit family. We want to share our problems as a way of reaching out. You can work through this though, just be gentle and kind and there for him.
If it continues, you may want to reconsider the relationship

Answer 5

No offense, but I think you are being rather insensitive towards him. People deal with stress in different ways, if he is stressed out, he may need some time to himself to relax and de-stress. Excessive stress can lead to him being sick, anything from colds to the flu, maybe even a heart attack. When he is stressed, and he tells you so, give him his space, offer to bring him ice cream (or whatever his favorite treat is). If he says he wants to be alone, he means he wants to be alone. It's not anything against you, he just needs time!

Answer 6

It is normal but to show love and respect for you, he should let you know whenever he's going through a hard time and ask for some space. If I were you in happy moments I'd ask him how serious he is about me coz the way he's acting it's like he doesn't need you.

Answer 7

He will never change. To him, it is just a mechanism for coping with stress. But what he doesn't know is how much it strains the relationship everytime he does things like this. If telling him doesn't help and it is causing you much distress as well, I think it is time to think if this relationship is worth staying on for. Someone who shuts you off when he is stressed definitely isn't someone you can rely on.

Answer 8

He is probably trying to avoid any arguments. When a person is under stress, they can get aggravated and say things that they don't mean. Just have a little patience. If you know that he loves you, you shouldn't be so needy.

Answer 9

Maybe he is a strongly self-respecting guy and doesn't want you to know his weakness. You can encourage him by sending him a message such as "I'm sure you can overcome all difficulties, love you dear." and don't expect he should reply to you. Give him space and he will contact you once he feels better.

Answer 10

i think he needs to grow up and if he wants a relationship,if he is grown up enough to be in a relationship then he has to start learning good "communication skills"which means talking to you instead of running away,if he does this now..imagine if you had children ..he could not run away everytime the baby wants feeding!!
Communciation is vital in a relationship..without it..its hard work.

Do not try and call him,simply ignore him ..go out and enjoy yourself.

Answer 11

this is his way of dealing with this i think he doesn't want you to see him stressed out it is normal to him so i think don't hassle him bout it as it will make him worse just tell me you are here to share the problem with i don't think its cause you don't exist try telling him that you are in his life as well and he shouldnt treat you bad cause he is having a hard time...x