I HATE This!?

Question

i have this friend. he used to be a really great guy. i miss that guy.
he started hanging out with dumb ppl that lead him to believe that drinking and drugs isnt that big of a deal. he's had a really crappy life. his real dad's as good as dead, (and good riddance he says) his step dads an abusive a**, his mom decided to forget him and go with the abusive a**. he lived w/ his grandparents until he got arrested for stealing some money from the school's consession stand and then geting caught w/ crack in his room.
i try as hard as i can to stay out of his personal life. he was doing fine w/ his grandparents and with all the help he was getting until those stupid "friends". and he was sooo nice and funny and idk...he wont let anyone help. he refuses to talk to me. he wont talk to his best friend. he keeps doing drugs.
HE WON'T LET ME F*** HELP
and now im on the verge of tears becuz i cant do anything. hes going to let his life go down the drain all becuz im not good enuff to help him

its harder than it sounds to just ignore the fact that one of my oldest and best friends is making this decision. i am trying to leave him alone and get on with my own life, but he just tried to kill himself a little while ago and it's making me a little sad that i was not agood enuff friend.

Answer 1

He is in denial.....and until he is ready to admit he has a problem, you or no one can help him. He has to help himself.

Answer 2

Don't put this on yourself. You've done everything that you can do, and as painful as it is to hear, you may just have to walk away; or at the very least, put some distance between the two of you. It has nothing to do with whether or not you're good enough to help him.

When it comes to situations like this (drugs, alcohol, etc.) you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. For whatever reason, he is the one choosing this life, and he has to be the one to choose to change. He may have to hit rock bottom (to use an AA term), and when he is, be there for him.

From what you've said, he knows that this is hurting you, and yet doesn't value your friendship enough to even consider help (drugs will do that to a person). Don't allow him to keep walking on your feelings, it will only validate what he's doing to himself (and enable him to keep doing it). The situation isn't healthy for you either, from what you've said. Put some distance there, and maybe he'll come around. Just be prepared for the fact that he may not.

EDIT: Distancing yourself from the situation may very well be one of the most difficult things you'll have to do. You can still be there for him, if and when, he comes around. There are literally hundreds of places you can go for help...whether its a parent, clergyman, counselor, self-help group, or even emailing someone who's supporting you here. The key thing to remember here is that everyone has to make their own way in life, and people have to live their life for themselves. When he's ready to accept what he's done, and gotten into, he'll look for help. You need to take care of YOU right now.

Answer 3

There's nothing you can do but pray for them.I used to be married to someone who heavily addicted to meth. She had been to all kinds of rehab's, meetings, etc. She finally hit rock bottom and was left with nothing. Only then did she make the decision to get help.
I like the advice above stating that you should try an AA of an NA meeting. I believe you'll hear directly from someone who's been down the road your freind is going and that not much can be done until your friend wants help or God forbid their life ends. What ever you do don't be a codependent, don't sheild this person. Let them experience the consiquences for their actions. This may help them reach rock bottom quicker.
Continue to pray for them.

Answer 4

Hon, I'm sorry you're going through this, but this is not your fault. Like the first poster said, this was his choice and his choice only. It's a terrible feeling to feel helpless, but right now the only thing you can do is pray for him and be there when he is ready to come and talk to you. The next time you see him just say "I'm here for you when you want to talk," and let it be at that. It probably won't seem like he hears you, but I just bet he will and will remember that. Be ready to be supportive when he does come to you and also be ready with a list of rehab places that he can go to to get off the drugs.

Meantime, find an adult to talk to about this. An adult you know and is trustworthy.

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON! If you weren't you wouldn't be so worried about your friend.

Answer 5

That really sucks. I think that you have to let him go. He's breaking you heart and you seem to have nothing else in common. Some people have to hit bottom before they will accept help. I know that I was that way in my earlier life. I was wild.

You said that you couldn't do anything, so let it go. it's what's best for you. Now don't be a hypocrit and not listent to good advice!

Answer 6

You can'y help him. contact Alanon for yourself. Get a book on boundaries. and wait for him to hit bottom. What you are doing right now is tantamount to watching a slow motion car crash. You know he and possibly others will get hurt, you don't want it to happen, but there is nothing you can do about it. He has to hit bottom and want to change. You also might want to read a book called "Games Alcoholics Play"

Answer 7

Honey, all the love you have is not enough. He is the only one that can help him. I suggest that you go to an Al-anon meeting and learn how to deal with someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs. They will help you understand and they will teach you how best to help him to help himself. Trust me.

Answer 8

He wants to ruin his life and you won't let him? What kind of a friend are you?

Answer 9

It's not your fault.
When he hits bottom he will start coming back up.

Answer 10

His life, his choice...get on with yours.

Sorry.