We have a long distance relationship. He is cheating on me but rather than tell me after the fact, because of our extrme honesty and what used to be a truly amazing relationship he gives me the play by play of the sitution with the other woman. He cant walk away from her, his words are that she leaves him completley incapacitated. I dont know what to do, i know he is not cheating because of our relationship, it is the distance, he is lonely, and she made him feel good, i mean the girl started telling him she loves him in two weeks time and obssesing over him... guys like that. He doesnt want me to go but i dont know what to do . A part of me feels it will be over with her in a matter of months but WTF is he doing ... i know him for so long i know how he was in his other relationships and a part of me is not suprises, but i know that no matter what a par tof him cant live without me either. I am so confused.
2007-06-19 17:48:23 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am finishing UCLA, he lives in NYC, we were friends for 4 years before we started dating. i was supposed to move in 5 months. He is extrmely emotional, and that is another reason for this affair he is having.
Everyone makes it sound so easy, just leave, i dont think you just leave a future marriage. But at the same time i feel i should leave. But then i know it will be a matter of time b4 life puts us together again.
2007-06-19 17:58:12 · update #1
I am 46 and father of an 18-year-old daughter and a 20-year-old daughter. I have four words for you and I hope you will heed them:
Dump this dog tonight!
He is not worthy of you, and you should not settle for this trash-picking, whore-banging creep.
Be glad you are not my daughter because if I found out some creep was doing this to my daughter he'd be AWOL from the planet permanently.
2007-06-19 17:53:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
As you can see there are a lot of relationship specialists on this board who will tell you exactly what you need to do in your relationship even though they know practically nothing about it. On the other hand if these people are more or less representative of the general population you should know the following:
1. More than a quarter of those who advise you to leave your man are not married and will never get married.
2. Of those who will marry or are married more than half will end up going through divorce.
3.Of those who will divorce 20% will not re-marry ever again
4. Of those who will re-marry almost 70% will divorce their second spouses.
5. And out of those who will get married or married how many will stay in a hated marriage because of the kids or financial inability to afford divorce? Who knows, there is no statistical data on that, but you can be reasonably confident that the percentage is high, just look at those married couples who you know personally.
6. Out of these "experts" hardly anyone had a long distance relationship. Those who did usually conclude it within a year, that is they either break up or move in together.
7. Ask yourself whether you can make a life changing decision based on the advise from people who would be better served by giving advice to themselves.
Your man chose a high road of loving a woman who is far away from him, returning every night to an empty house and sleeping in a cold bed while substituting real kisses and hugs with the phone calls. Cut him some slack.
2007-06-19 19:53:51 · answer #2 · answered by FunkyMonkey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"WTF is he doing ... i know him for so long i know how he was in his other relationships and a part of me is not surprises, but i know that no matter what a part of him cant live without me either. I am so confused."
He can't live without you because you are not letting him. What? You are supplying him with all the goodies he needs, He has you, and her and her and her and her........and You!
He can live without you, obviously, but why should he? You are there for him too, like the others. I bet he charms then just as much as he has charmed you.
You had a good time with the guy, honesty was an important and admirable factor, you are friends. If my boyfriend told me he was screwing someone else, there would be no discussion.
If my male friend told me he was screwing a girl, then I would be happy for him, unless ---- I had not told him exactly how I felt or was under the impression that distance did not end our romantic relationship.
2007-06-19 18:24:17 · answer #3 · answered by yolkyolk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating and he will make excuses like that. He will play the victim and say that he is incapacitated. But that is no reason to condone his behavior. Cheating is a very serious issue- don't fool yourself into thinking it will go away. Both of you agreed to be in a long distance relationship- it is supposed to get lonely and hard- but that does not mean cheating. You should let him go or make sure his cheating has ended- and that he is sorry and that it will not happen again. If it does happen again- you should leave him.
2007-06-19 17:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by Maaya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is cheating now what makes you so sure that will stop when you are together?
If he has another girl showing him alot of attention then what makes you so sure that he will drop that when you are together?if he is with her now, what makes you feel it will be over within a few months?
You need to learn to live without someone, CAN"T isnt a word it is a choice , and it is your choice to say you can't live without him, or he can't live without me, think reality
Long distant relationships are hard for both ,BUT if you are committed to it then why cheat?
I am not going to tell you to dump him, it is your life not mine, but you need to stop and ask yourself if he will stop when you are together? think about between now and then , will he grow closer to what is in front of him (being the other girl) then what? only you can make the decision to be with him or not, but you also need to really know if he will stop? can he stop?
Follow your heart and do what you think is best, try and work out what you want in life and if you can see this man in your future......dont think about what you want, think about the reality
I wish you all the best
2007-06-19 18:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by karon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be completely honest with you, I am also engaged. To a great guy. And he lives close but if he ever did cheat whether I found out from him or from someone I truy trust, I would have no choice but to leave him for good. This will eat you inside if you end up marrying him. You will feel this deep pain inside. From personal experiences from my past relationships. This feeling is not healthy for you. It can really tear you down, emotionally, and self consciously. This fiance of yours must have wondering eyes besides you. He just isn't ready for marriage. And he doesn't deserve you at all. Think about your future with this guy and how this will end up....Really think....You will be chosing your destiny....
2007-06-19 18:04:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you may't have a courting without have faith and perfect off the bat he breaks this with you. His excuses are fairly pathetic in case you inquire from me. he's purely attempting to control the region via toying which includes your thoughts (i'm scared, blah blah). He does not understand he's doing this, he's purely saying those issues as a results of fact he grew to become into caught. you will desire to no longer have had to stumble on this out for your self, he would desire to have got here sparkling from the commencing up. Why could you desire to start a marriage this variety? definite, he probably is utilising those different women folk for fairly some motives purely as he's utilising you. appears like he struggles with have faith with women folk specifically. If there is any wish for this marriage i could strongly strongly advise getting premarital counseling to scrub issues up in case you desire to stay with this guy. you may't initiate a marriage on the cost you the two are going...
2016-09-28 03:39:35 · answer #7 · answered by belvin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about it?? Is he ever going to be coming back to you ever and soon??? Or is it you that is away from him??? Like meaning you left and you haven't came back yet? Or did he leave and didn't come back yet? However it is you guys should try talking about it...if possible in person! Also talk to him, which person does he love more? You or the other girl? Tell him that whatever is his decision no hard feelings. If he likes the other girl, you should try to accept it. It may be hard but if he truly loves the other girl, what more can you do? good luck!
2007-06-19 17:54:21 · answer #8 · answered by FallenFootsteps22 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you flipped out? Not only does this guy not love you, he doesn't even like you that much. What part of "I DON'T LOVE YOU AND I CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM THIS AMAZING WOMAN!" aren't you hearing? He's wants you out of his life so bad that he's even given you every single detail of his affair! Are you really OK with a man who lies to you about loving you, about wanting to marry you and about being faithful to you? You are OK with a man who has sex with another woman and then gives tells you how much he's in love with her? You need some major, major therapy! You don't have a chance in hell of getting married!
2007-06-20 03:03:30 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if he is cheating on you . . . you leave the relationship. Why expose yourself to STD's, some of which can be fatal? You are a valuable person. You deserve better.
If you think it hurts now, how bad do you think it will feel if you marry him and he continues to cheat? If you have children, and he continues to cheat?
Get out of this relationship now. You deserve someone who will not cheat on you.
2007-06-19 23:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋