Abusive man?????????

Question

ok..he doesn't like punch me or slap me..but he threw me into the shower and i have HUGE..(i mean black and blue) bruises on my upper thigh and my hip..I love him we've been together for almost a year..I can't see myself with anyone else...but how can i get him to stop lashing out at me like that..???????? I NEED GOOD ADVISE PLZ!!!

Answer 1

Honey, he is abusing you. You have only been together for a year. Imagine what it will be like another year down the road, he will start hitting you. It could be tomorrow it could be longer, but he will. He needs some counseling for his anger problem. But I doubt that he will go. You need to get away from his guy, as soon as possible. I know you said you love him. But how can you love someone that is hurting you. He cant love you in the way that you deserve. You deserve better.
Get away while you can.

~faith

Answer 2

Anytime that you're physically hurt in ANYWAY is considered as being abusive. I was in a relationship like that before. I would go into detail about it, however the last time that I did it on YA,, my answer was pulled. I guess it was too graphic.

Nonetheless, you are being abused and you can't change him. That's a part of his, insecure, personality You may suggest that he go in for anger management, but that gesture only works for awhile when he's trying to win you back.

Further, here's a little bit of food for thought: What if your head had hit the shower floor? What if your spine had been damaged during the fall? What's going to happen the next time he's angered?

You said that you can't see yourself with anyone else. Let me tell you, if the abuse progresses you can get so bruised and banged up that no one else would want you anyways. Plus a lot of abusive guys have the attitude of "If I can't have you, no one else can". (hint, hint)

I hope that I haven't typed anything to offend you , or any of the other readers, but if you want to hear the truth, the risks, and a couple of vivid stories about abuse..... email me.

If you don't...good luck just the same.

Answer 3

Well, if he threw you into the shower that is definately abusive. Especially if you have bruises like that. If he does anything remotely like this again, contact the police. Just because he doesn't slap or punch you doesn't mean he's not abusive. He could be emotionally abusing you too. I've had much experience in that because my sister's ex was emotionally abusive and towards the end he was getting physical. I hope this helps.
If you are afraid to contact the police, tell a trusted friend or family member and they should be able to call the police.

Answer 4

I think it depends on the other "lashing out"s that are occurring. You might need to provide a little more detail. He may not punch or slap you, but by the way it sounds, this shoving you in the shower is just as bad. I'm not sure what you should do - it sounds like a hard situation. Perhaps talk to somebody official like a counsellor and try to work out this relationship bug? But this is my advice: life is a lot bigger than we think, and sometimes we get stuck on one thing. This makes us feel very minimized, trapped, etc. But there is a whole world, a lot of time, and a lot of love out there. If someone is beating on you, you deserve better. No matter what you think (and believe me, I was sceptical too), you will always move on. Maybe not heal or forget, but move on. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

For your own sake, health, and welfare, get away from him as fast as you can. You can not get him to stop. The only way is to get away from him. I know from personal experience. They never mean to leave those bruises--Gee, they didn't even know that they were holding you that hard to leave bruises. Mine didn't mean to accidently shove my head into the corner of my car door and split my eye open and break my nose. He really was so sorry after he got over being mad about me calling the police. Then he didn't mean to dislocate my left arm because I didn't want to stay and listen to him tell me how useless I was and how he didn't know why he put up with me. Then he was REALLY sorry when he threw me into the bathtub and broke my left thigh but I just don't listen to him and keep making the same mistakes. I don't think I want to humiliate myself any further with more of his wonderful ways of showing me how much he loved me. He wasn't going to change until maybe he loved someone so much he killed her because she was stupid.
The guys who like to abuse are always so sorry and they swear they'll never do it again and the first few times are always an accident. There is also the verbal and emotional abuse---he wouldn't hurt you if you weren't so stupid---that can hurt 10 times the physical abuse. Wait around and I promise you that eventually you will find yourself making up excuses as to what happened when you end up in the ER or to your friends when they ask you why you never wear short sleeves any more and it's so hot outside. The guys will not change because it is never their fault--you drove them to hurting you--- and the prisons are full of guys who still won't take the responsibility for killing the girl they loved to death.
I am BEGGING YOU---PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY AS SOON AS YOU CAN. Don't answer his calls. Don't ever be alone with him again. Don't call him. If need be, get a restraining order against him. But before any of that, you have got to believe what I have told you. You are probably telling yourself that your boyfriend is nothing like that and he would never treat you like that. You are so wrong. Please don't find out the hard way that what I am telling you is the truth. It is.

Answer 6

Girl I don't think you should put up with that. I understand you feel like you can't leave with out him but you can't keep letting this go on. He might think it's okay and it could turn into something worse. I don't want you to get seriously hurt. Tell him to stop or leave. If he loves you as much as you love him then he will stop. If he don't well then where does your relationship stand. Don't stay in a relationship where you're giving 90% and he's only giving 10%. Think with your head not your heart
If you're religious then pray to God for guidance. (God never fails)
Hope you're the bless
God Bless

Answer 7

It has only been a year? That isnt that long of time. Honey if he is lashing out at you chances are he will never stop. You need to make a decision either have him see someone to talk to. Or leave him. HE needs help too and if he isnt willing to do that for you then he really doesnt care does he now? Good luck and try to be careful

Answer 8

Seek help or get out,If you continue to stay in an abusive relationship because you think he will change and start treating you well, think again. An abusive man does not change without long-term therapy. Group counseling sessions are particularly helpful in helping abusive men recognize their abusive patterns. Type A personality types seem to be more prone to abusive behavior due to their aggressive nature. Drugs and alcohol can create or further escalate an abusive relationship. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are excellent programs for an addict. The abuser’s partner should also seek help for their codependent behavior at Codependents Anonymous.

Answer 9

Walk away, NOW. You sound like a typical abuse case, making excuses for the abuser -- "well, he doesn't PUNCH me or SLAP me, but he throws me around, that's not so bad."

Yes, it IS abuse. Anyone that causes you physical OR emotional harm is an abuser. Get yourself out of there now and do not waste another second on this man. Yeah, you might miss the sex for a bit, but will you really miss the fear? If he wakes up and goes to anger-management classes and behaves himself for a YEAR, I MIGHT consider going back with him. Otherwise, he's yesterday's news.

Answer 10

Sure hope you are ok and have someone close you can talk to (friend, family member etc). Sadly, it will be very hard to get him to stop this kind of behavior without him getting some kind of help professionally. Lashing out like you say he did is a form of abuse. I hope he realizes what he has done and will take action for his behavior and seek help. If he truly loves you, he will admit what he has done is wrong and be willing to get help in some way. Wish you well and take care.