What is so wrong with spanking your children?

Question

So many people have criticized me for my parenting style. But my family does not. My daughters know that when they misbehave, they going over mom's lap for a spanking. As for ages, I don't think 14 is too old for a spanking. I even asked my daughter, I sat down and asked her if I should switch to grounding rather than spanking and she said no. I asked her if she was embarrassed that she got spanked and she said that some of her friends get spanked also and it didn't bother her much that she has to lie across my lap. Now, bare bottom spanking is controversial, I agree, so I rarely do it, but it works for my two older daughters and afterward, they're not embarrassed, just hurting a little bit (ha ha). Does anyone else support spanking? Am I the only one?

Answer 1

14 is way to old to be getting spanked! For children under 6 I would agree with spanking although as an ECE teacher and Mom I know there are way better ways of discipling your children. At 14 you can take away her priviledges and generally make things miserable for her. I have never heard of a 14 year old getting spanked!

Answer 2

At this point in time, you would be hard pressed to change your punishment methods as your children know what to expect if they do something wrong.

From a psychological standpoint, you need to make sure that you never spank the child out of anger. Also, make sure that your children understand that it is simply a punishment AND that violence and aggression towards other are not encouraged within the household. You do not want to be viewed as an aggressive model as it can lead to your children being aggressive adults (which you seem to have done that with your oldest daughter). It's similar to the theory that watching/playing violent or TV shows as it promotes an aggressive atmosphere, which as a parent is something that you need to make sure that you do not promote.

You may wish to experiment with alternate punishments though so that your children to not attach a single punishment to everything that they do wrong. This helps prepares them for later in life when punishments for not completing an assignment at work would be a deduction in paycheck (reduce allowance), talking back to a superior may lead to being sent home or fired (remove some benefits for a period - friends, phone, internet, TV, etc.), etc. Keep in mind that at this point, the children probably view spankings as a light punishment since it's the norm so harsher punishments would fall under groundings. The difference between spankings and groundings is that a spanking is over when you quit, groundings carry on for a period of time so that the punishment goes deeper into the mind of the individual. Another downside to spanking is that as the children grow older, they become stronger; so what would be painful to a six-year old will not be as painful to a 14-year old.

Here's something of interest from B.F. Skinner (psychologist) in order to serve its purpose:

1. It must be administered quickly
2. Its adversive qualities should be noted by the offender
3. It must be applied consistenly to ensure that the children understand that it is going to accompany unwanted behavior.

Answer 3

I have spanked my children and still do, occasionally. However, after 13 years of raising kids (I have 4), I have figured out that spanking is not the most effective way of disciplining. It doesn't teach the child anything. The best parenting advice that I have ever recieved was throuh a parenting class that my husband and I took together called Love and Logic. There are books and CD's and DVD's on the program and I highly recommend it to any parent. Go to loveandlogic.com and sign up for their e-mail newsletter to see what you think. The method keeps you from being the "bad guy" (punisher) and makes the kids' mistakes the "bad guy".

Answer 4

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spanking as long as it is done as loving discipline and not as angry punishment. I don't understand the controversy either. I do not advocate abuse of any kind, but a good old fashioned spanking is much less abusive in my opinion than psychologically torturing a child into minding. We spank our children (when it is warranted) and we always get comments from other people about how well behaved our children are. We are a very loving family and our kids are much more mature than kids from families that do not believe in disciplining. Like you, our kids agree that spanking is appropriate. They prefer it over grounding (or as my 10 year old says 'slow torture'). We always talk about the reason for the spanking before we do it and discuss with them afterward ways to avoid that consequence in the future.

Answer 5

For crying out loud. –sighs- As a teenager I feel it is my duty to explain this to you –

AFTER THE AGE OF TEN SPANKINGS NO LONGER HURTs.

Instead of spanking you should ground your fourteen year old – because if not your playing right into her hands. She’s already come to realize that with one quick swat her punishments over with and she can go back to whatever she was doing. If she’s grounded the punishment confines her and she has to put up with it for several days.

Stop spanking the fourteen years old and ground her.

And for the others feel free to spank them as long as you do not do so abusively.

Answer 6

You are niot wrong for spaking your children. I spank anything that I feed cloth, and shelter so that means my dog, my 3yr old and my 16mth old. I used to not spank my kids until one day my 3yr old who was then about 13 months clowned me at my sister's graduation and would not listen to anything I was saying. He would not sit down everyone was starring and I was sooooo embarresed. I been kicking his a## every since. Just kidding. Out of all my frineds I really am the easiest going. I do not tolerate back talking. I am 21 married and my sister stays with me who is 13 and I have had to spank her also. But she is also unruly(into boys) so I have to put my foot in her a## everynow and again. But I see like this...better me than the cops. I very my forms of discipline based on the situation. I feel like that what makes the difference. Children do get accustomed to a punsihment. But over all we need to go back to spankings. Children are out of control. Yes I use time out, and take away privliges but I spank also. Congrats on spanking I could not support your more. As long as you are not abusing those kids which I'm sure you're not. I also explain why they are getting punished and everyone in my house is spoiled. There nothing my kids and sis do not have.

Answer 7

O.K. If you lived in Massachusetts and did this you would be arrested and have had your children taken away by now.

I do not spank my children for a few reasons. It is the easy way out, it takes less time to spank than to reason and explain why the behavior was wrong and then coming up with an age appropriate punishment and then carry that out. I also believe that my children should never fear physical retribution from their parents, the fear of my disappointment and frustration is fear enough. I also know that what you put into the world you get back and I would never want to teach any one violence and then like some parents wonder why my child is violent.

These are just my views and I have a 16 yr old daughter and a 2 1/2 yr old son who are never hit or spanked and are both very well behaved children and they usually respond to the LOOK!

Answer 8

spanking is a gray area.

a teen should not be spanked, they are much too old. above 10 is too old. at that age it no longer works. they get immune to it. once i hit that age, i just took em and continued what i was doing. we no longer are affected by spankings at that point, but grounding works well.

it is a good idea for younger kids, though. just don't do it so there is injuries or marks. there is a way to do it that is not abusive and i think it helps kids learn to behave, it worked for me. it teaches a kid to behave.

spanking should be used along with other strategies to be most effective and prevent the kid from getting immune.

some people just take it too far. that is only why it is so frowned upon . just keep spanking so long as they are young enough to be effected by it.

Answer 9

Honestly i dont think spanking is so wrong, it is when it goes overboard and becomes beating. My parents spanked all three of us kids-until we were about 10. I really dont think it hurt us any. I really think we might be better for it. My 2 uncles dont believe in spanking and their kids are monsters. They trash the house and dont pick up after themselves. They argue with their parents and are not responsible at all. My parents also made us do chores. If we got in trouble they would make us do more chores than normal or take away privlidges. They did not believe in grounding. I know I sound like an old lady, but I am only 20. I think it all helped.

Answer 10

i don't think spanking a child is wrong. however, i do think that 14 is too old to be getting spanked and would draw the line at 6 MAYBE 7. If given the option of spanking or grounding i'd pick spanking too..get it over with and still get to see my friends, watch tv, talk on the phone..and so on.