My parents watch our children (ages 1 and 3) for us during the weekdays while my wife and I work. We are very grateful to have them around to do this for us and we let them know this quite often. Occasionally they will do things that we consider stepping over the boundry of being a grandparent. For example, my wife and I had been talking about taking the kids to get professional pictures done very soon since my 1 year old has never had any taken. Well today my parents gave us a "wedding anniversary" gift, which was proffessional pictures of our kids that they had done without telling us. My wife and I were a little upset because we were looking forward to taking our son for his first professional pictures ourselves. We didn't say anything because we didn't want to come off as ungrateful for the gift. They've done other things along these lines, like buy them holiday outfits when we feel this is our responsibilty. Are we right to feel a little upset by this, and should we say something?
2007-06-19 17:26:21 · 14 answers · asked by Jim K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think they are are just trying to be helpful. Obviously they care very much for your children. You may want to say something now, before things keep building up and you explode and say something you don't mean. I would be careful not to upset them though as they are already going out of their way for you and it would be easy for you to seem ungrateful. Next time just say, " Oh wow this is really great and I appreciate it, but I was really looking forward to doing this myself" but smile and thank them again, or they might feel unnappreciated and not want to do ANYTHING for you after that. Good luck!
2007-06-19 17:32:19 · answer #1 · answered by Britt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your frustration. I would bring up these concerns at a time when they are not present - meaning, you did well not to talk about it as they were giving you a gift. However, they are well intended and like to do things for you. I'm sure they are not trying to overstep their bounds, it's just no one told them that is a boundary. Since they are your parents, I would say you should just mention it to them sometime that you would like to be the ones to pick out their holiday outfits but appreciate if they would like to buy them outfits (or if it's ok with you, invite them along on the shopping trip to pick them out.)
Just out of curiosity, why did you wait so long to have pics of your son? Your parents probably assumed that you were waiting for financial reasons or something, and figured it would be a way they could help out. I used to work at a Portrait studio and we had Grandparents do that quite frequently. Sometimes Dad's would do it too, to surprise Mom.
You have a right to be upset but you can't hold it against them until you let them know what their boundaries are.
Good Luck.
2007-06-19 17:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by goodlittlegirl11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Your parents are helping you by keeping the kids while you work. And they think they are helping you by doing those other little things also. Do you know how many people wish they had parents like that? Family is more important than who buys the outfit or takes the kids to the photographer. Bear in mind that had you not mentioned the photograph to your parents, then you could have surprised them with it rather than them surprising you. Your "mention" probably gave them the idea. You may need to keep some things to yourself if they are important to you. But saying something to your parents would only make them feel bad or hurt their feelings. Is that really what you want?
2007-06-19 17:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tom K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's what grandparents live to do so enjoy it. Perhaps in the future when holidays or picture time rolls around you can let them know ahead of time if you plan to do something special for the kids so that they can cross it off of their list. Otherwise, I don't think they have crossed the line and you guys are not being ungrateful. There just needs to be a little more communication and understanding from both sides and everything will continue to run smoothly.
2007-06-19 17:33:17 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get what your saying.... its natural.......BUT if your taking advantage of the FREE childcare expect those grand parents to feel they have more rights....infact the more time they spend with the kids the more and more they will treat you like kids and before you know it theyll be calling them mom- n -dad.....sad but Ive seen it. I think what it is, is that subconsciencely grandparents think less of you the MORE they 'have to do' therefore there action become more dominate and rude. I suggest having them baby sitt less if not at all. Or just wait it out untill the two of you are a little more stable to get your OWN baby sitter.... that is your responsibility...... asking your parents isnt correct. Also I suggest bringing it up some how...weather it be a joke or a small comment just keep it light and if they get offended just say "just kidding" laugh it off and save up sum daycare money....
good luck
2007-06-19 17:38:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys haven't been buying gifts, maybe he's a little rusty on the things you like? Maybe he felt that you would be happy with what he liked for you? It's not easy picking out the perfect gift. What you think is perfect, may not be so perfect to someone else. I'm sure the efforts he put into picking out the necklaces had to have more thought (in some direction) than just they are pretty. Even if he bought them only because they were pretty, he bought them and he really didn't have to buy anything. So in either case, it would make it special to me. If you just don't like them, and you feel it's worth speaking up about, tell him. I personally wouldn't though.
2016-05-20 03:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grandparents are all about the kids!!! Part of me says they do watch your kids during the day, they are entitled to some leeway, then part of me says, yeah, you might mention it. I'd say the holiday outfits are okay, and yes, the pictures probably should have been with you guys, but there's no undoing that particular event. You might talk to them, but don't bring up things that have already happened. Leave the portraits and the holiday clothes out of it. Talk about other things that might come up.
2007-06-19 17:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by allhailkirby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you and wife should say anything. Let your parents enjoy being proud grandparents. Your children are lucky to have them around and so are you and your wife. I wish my Mom treated my children that way. My brother and sister both have kids and she treats their kids better. But I'm the one that treats my Mom the best. Be Blessed!!
2007-06-19 18:36:39 · answer #8 · answered by Tonya W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, you're so right. Thanks for the free daycare, mom and dad, but don't do anything really meaningful with the kids. If they watch them weekdays, five days a week, they see them more than you do. Which, I know, life is tough sometimes, and this is a good solution. Just stop being a jerk about the special things they are doing in addition to the crappy drudgery of every day child care.
2007-06-19 17:33:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That would suck ALOT! I know how you feel...but I am pretty sure your parents didn't think it was going to hurt you. They probably thought it would be a nice surprise for you. They should have asked, but I wouldn't get really upset with them. Now if they knew you didn't want them to then it is a different story!
2007-06-19 17:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by Samantha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋