when my mother in law comes over my house, she doesn't speak or talk to me until i say something first. i have talked to my husband about it, but she still does it. i'm sick of it. and if i don't talk to her she acts as if there's a problem between us. what would be the best way to handle this?
2007-06-19 15:10:30 · 14 answers · asked by tisha p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If it's important to your husband and you value him, try start chattering with her the moment she steps into the house and keep it up until she leaves! Ask her every conceivable question re her and what she's doing; etc., etc., etc. Have eye contact and chatter on happily--SO glad to see you....etc. Make it a game and ENJOY your game. Don't play her's. It's called "Pretend". Don't worry regarding being disengenuous--you're just entering into The Game. Keep your marriage out of it--as involving your husband will only taint your relationship with him probably--as he has had a history with his mother. Don't let it get to you!! That may be want her ultimate game/goal is. Or else she's a strange one and doesn't relate well with other people. She could resent your relationship with her son. Who knows! It really doesn't even matter! You take charge of your own feelings and behavior and remain secure in your marriage!!
2007-06-19 15:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Martell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your mother in law is shy or doesn't feel like you are very warm to her. If your only problem is having to be the first to speak then you don't have a problem at all. Trust me! If someone acted upset with me over something like this I would probably be less likely to want to start the conversation out of fear of ticking you off about something else. It seems to me like you get annoyed easily and maybe mother in law sees this too.
2007-06-19 23:30:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lwood 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Knowing this about her, always have things in mind that you can bring up to talk about.
Respect her because she is an elder, and because she is your husbands mother. It's not too much to ask for the frequency that you have to spend time together.
When you're not alone with her and there are other people around, make sure your're not in the same room. It won't look so obvious, and you can respectfully keep your sanity.
You have many more years being part of this family, make it work, your husband will love this about you. (and by all means don't complain to him)
2007-06-19 23:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by jonesk_92656 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Proper manners dictate, upon entering or if an elderly person enters a room, the younger person should speak first.
Sorry, not my rules, but Ms. Manners rules. Just like when you introduce two people of different ages, you say, "Mother, (address the older person,) this is my date, John Meyers. John, (address the younger person) this is my mom, Mrs. Jane Doe.
THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE ANY DIFFICULT PEOPLE IS TO DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY EXPECT...THEY CANNOT ARGUE, FIGHT, CAUSE TROUBLE, IF THE OPPORTUNITY IS NOT PRESENT FOR THEM.
GO AHEAD, IT DOES NOT HURT YOU TO SPEAK FIRST, AND IT IS THE PROPER THING TO DO AND WILL CAUSE YOUR HUBBY LESS STRESS. POOR GUY, HE IS ALL CAUGHT UP IN THIS PETTY TURMOIL!
BE THE BETTER WOMAN! Even if no one knows it but you.
2007-06-19 22:50:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her if you did something to upset her. Tell her you would like to have a relationship with her and ask her to lunch.
Don't be surprised if it blows up in your face or If it is clearly another case of a mother in law who is not even trying to have a relationship with her daughter in law. I see you can not control your husband into fixing this problem. But, be sure if your husband did not want her around you would be to blame. Hope all works for you as peace makes life easier for all.
2007-06-20 15:02:11 · answer #5 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best way to handle this is to stop keeping score, Sweetheart. First off, she's your elder (I'm assuming here). Secondly, does it hurt you to be the first one? Besides, maybe she'll grow to love you to death, and everything will fall into place. Don't be like a little burro pulling back on the reigns, unless you want your rump whacked. LOL (Just kidding on that one)....I think if the price of "peace" is you starting the conversation, it's a small price to pay.
2007-06-19 22:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is really her problem - if she chooses to act as a silly child, what can you do? Just ignore her, talk to her when you need to, and i she doesn't talk, don't feel obligated to do it.
Enjoy the silence! Some mothers-in-law don't shut up and tell kids how to run their lives; you are pretty lucky yours is the opposite!
2007-06-19 22:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by Kaytee 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her about why you are having problems so that you can make visits easier.If that fails talk to your husband.
2007-06-19 22:20:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the way she wants to act, let her...you be the bigger person here, don't lower yourself to her level...keep being respectful and polite afterall she is your husband's mother...and perhaps someday your childrens' grandma....
2007-06-19 22:18:41 · answer #9 · answered by mago 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a MIL sometimes I feel very uncomfortable going to my son's home. It is up to you both to make her feel welcome. She should feel happy and comfortable to be there.
How would you treat a guest that came to visit? It is your home and domain and your responsibility to make people feel welcome. I'm sure after a while of treating her warmly things will change and you will not feel forced into conversation.
2007-06-20 12:29:41 · answer #10 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋