Should I blame him or her? both?

Question

My guy and dad of 2 children cheated during my 1st pregnancy. I'd met the girl b4 although didnt know her well (she was a friend of my mans lil sister) and we had met at his parents house while she was hanging out with his sister a couple years before the affair. I am 22, man is 25, she is 19. This girl knew he was with me, knew that I was pregnant and she slept with him. She would also call my house and hang up if I answered, hang out with him when I thought he was working and stuff. Anyhow, we made it through the affair, the last time she called him was when I was 2 days overdue with my pregnancy (approx. 4 months after he ended it with her) at which time he told me she called and he said he told her he didnt want her to call him again. I was scared, pregnant and so I forgave him. I HATE her. She is friends with people we know, though i avoid her so we dont meet, I have to hear her name all the time from ppl. Some think I shouldnt dislike her. but she knew what she was doing to me!!!

Answer 1

BLAME ALL THE GUILTY AND EXECUTE JUSTICE UNTO THEM!

Answer 2

You know it takes two to tango. I'm not going to say she is faultless because if you know a man is involved then you shouldn't pursue him. But HE is the one that is in the relationship with you. She didn't hold a gun to his head did she? Why couldn't he have told her there's someone in his life right now that he loves very much and she's about to have his baby? He's 25. I'm sure he's been talking for quite a few years so what happened? Cat got his tongue?

You forgave him but you want to be pissed off with her? Why? She's not in the relationship with you. He is. She's no saint. She was wrong to encourage him. But he has free will. He could have said no. He slept with her because that was something he wanted to do. That being the case, how do you know he won't do it again? If not with her then someone else? If he's too weak to refuse a piece of tail when he's in a relationship with someone who's pregnant with HIS child then what's to stop him from succumbing the next time around?

Sounds to me like he's showing you his true colors. You sure you want to remain in a relationship with someone who, clearly, you really can't trust? If you just have to have this man then you need to make it clear that he has a choice. He's either in the relationship with you and only you or he's catting around with whoever but he can't have it both ways. You deserve better than that. Good luck

Answer 3

If the man lies and tells a girl he is single, and she sleeps with him, it's his fault.

If a girl KNOWS he's taken, and expecting a baby, and waves it in his face until he takes a bite, both are at fault.

You do have a right to be angry with her. Though, if it was me, I'd feel bad if I didn't venture out and get him back at least once. Of course two wrongs don't make a right. How will he ever understand the pain and hurt he put you through unless he experiences it for himself? I didn't know how badly I hurt my ex by cheating until he did it back to me. I was crushed. I admit it, I'm selfish. Now I do understand what he felt like, and I probably wouldn't dare cheat again.

Answer 4

You are correct--she knew what she was doing to you, BUT, your guy did, too. All too often when women get hurt (men too) we always tend to blame the other woman (or other person). What we fail to realize is that the outside person cannot do anymore than what he or she is allowed to do.

She didn't put a gun to your guy's head. She didn't threaten him. He acted willingly.

I want to quickly tell you a personal story. When I was younger, my dad started cheating on my mother. What made matters worse, the woman who he was cheating with was my mother's married friend. After having a few arguments with this other woman and having her openly admit that she was dating my dad, my mother got so furious that she tried hurting this woman physically. Even though she was not successful in her attempt, she (my mother) was put on probation for a few years and guess what? That woman is now my stepmother and has been since 1977. (she divorced her husband and my dad divorced my mom)

For years my mother hated this woman, but she finally came to grips with the fact that this was not a one sided situation. It took TWO to tangle (oops...TANGO).

I hope that my telling you my story and advice hasn't made you feel worse. I'm merely telling you what I feel is true. I do, however, wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 5

Yea.. your BF knew what he was doing to you too! To me, hes more at fault.. Simply b/c he has made a commitment to you by chosing to be your man, and more importantly by making a baby with you. The girl, clearly not classy, to say the very least! But, she doesn't owe you anything! Your man owes you his word, and his fidelity, and truthfulness. He owes his children a strong, healthy family evironment. He is the one who has betrayed your trust, she, simply made a bad decision in deciding to get involved with him knowing the situation. You can't control others behaviors, neither hers nor your BF's, but you also don't have to suffer the consequences or compromise your feelings b/c of what they do. If you really worked it out, then good for the both of you. But, to me it sounds like you still have doubts. You and your babies don't need to be part of a family that doesn't have love, trust & structure. You don't want them to grow up in termoil, so either straighten it out with him & let things be over, or move on.

P.S. You have the right to be angry at both of them! No matter what anyone says.. Don't let him OR her minimize the situation, you have the right to be hurt! And don't let her run your life! I know it would be hard to be around her, but if she knows you deliberatly avoid her, shes gonna think she has the upper hand. DO NOT GIVE HER THAT POWER!

Answer 6

Since you have chosen to forgive your husband, you should not continue to punish him for what is now in the past. Technically, she owes you nothing, but you have every right to dislike her for being a "morally challenged" individual. Just don't let it make you bitter, and don't let her keep you from going places and doing things that you enjoy. If you run into her make sure to smile a lot...you being happy and secure in your relationship with your husband is bound to drive her CRAZY and is your best revenge. Realize that if she sees that it still upsets you or thinks your relationship is in trouble because of her, she may see it as a challenge and continue to pursue your husband.

Answer 7

You should be mad at both of them because they both knew it was wrong. But your he did work through the affair with you so he is still trying to fix it. If he did tell her not to call your house again then you should be happy he is trying to make things right.

Answer 8

She's not ur friend, and if your man loved you he'd get rid of her in a heartbeat....dont let yourself be taken advantage of in this situation. You have to speak up and tell that girl that she needs to back off and find her own relationship to screw up. Dont sit back and watch this stuff happen to you and your love life just go down the drain. You have to be agressive in getting what you want and maintaining a good relationship.

Answer 9

So did HE!!! While she was skanky and knew he was in a relationship, he was the one that was in it. HE should be the one to blame. She was wrong, yes, but he should be the one to pay. I don't know how you do it, b/c I would NEVER take a man back if he cheated on me . . . I don't care what the excuse is. Look inside yourself, is this someone you even want to be with?

Answer 10

Both. Like they say, it takes 2 to Tango. Hopefully, you can save your relationship, at least for the sake of your children; maybe couple counseling, or something. But if that's not possible, maybe you should consider breaking up and getting shared custody. If it does come to that, hopefully you could at least still be civil toward one another,though, again, for your children's sake.

Answer 11

They are both at fault, though the guy is at fault more. The guy probably told her that you're a ***** to be around and that he doesn't love you. If he told her that, then she would have an excuse to date him behind your back. You should blame him because he lied about you and sucked another girl into this.

Best of luck.