My younger brother is getting married next year, and I am wondering about bridesmaid and wedding "etiquette". I like my brother's future wife a lot, but I don't know her very well- I live on the east coast and they're in ohio, so I don't get to see them much at all. I have no idea if she's going to ask me to be a bridesmaid, but I am secretly hoping she does not. Not anything against her, I just really hate doing stuff like that, especially since I really don't know her. But in general, would it be considered rude of her to NOT ask me, since I am the future sister in law? As long as I get an invitation to the wedding, and I know I would, I will be not be offended if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid! Just curious!
2007-06-19 14:12:13 · 19 answers · asked by Jen1943 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
she probably will ask. she may feel obligated because he's your brother, but there's always a solution. let her know because of the distance it may be to difficult for you to participate. She'll get the hint, and your both happy.
2007-06-19 14:25:54 · answer #1 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't a hard rule that you have to be a bridesmaid...generally if the groom has a sister and the bride has a brother, its an even trade so they ask them to be part of the wedding. If there aren't even siblings, then the couple usually discusses if its "fair" to have an extra friend vs. a sibling, etc. In the end there is no real solution...so give your bro a call and feel him out, see what he has to say and mention that you wouldn't be offended at all to not be a bridesmaid...if he gets the hint, he'll probably pass it on in a nice way and you'll be fine :)
2007-06-19 14:17:09 · answer #2 · answered by its about time 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a difficult one but you don't want someone in the wedding party that is going to make things difficult and uncomfortable so you are well within your rights to drop her. If I were you, I'd say something like, "Look, you obviously don't want to be part of this wedding, you've made your feelings about me very clear about me and I don't want our feelings towards each other to ruin my wedding day. I've thought about it long and hard but we've decided not to have you as a bridesmaid". What ever happens after that, she'll be happy (even if she doesnt show it) that she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid for someone she thinks is a *****. And you'll just be relieved that it's finally out there.
2016-05-20 01:53:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak up first. Simply state that you know that she's choosing her bridesmaids and that while you would feel honored to be one, please don't feel obligated to ask just because you are the groom's sister. That you love her and welcome her into the family, but you know that she has many friends to choose from, and that you would rather help her in many other ways and be behind the scenes.
I begged out of my brother's wedding and my best friends wedding this way. I HATE buying a dress and standing at the front of the church! I wrote all of my best friends thank you notes and directed her wedding - she was thrilled and so was I. My brother's wedding, I helped them find the wedding photographer, in Louisiana....while I lived in GA. There are SO many other things that you can do to help your future sister in law without having to be a bridesmaid.
And if she's anything like my sister in law....she will appreciate you doing the stuff she doesn't have the time to do a whole lot more!
2007-06-19 14:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could've written your post myself. My little brother is also getting married later this year to a girl I've only met once since I lived in another country their whole relationship. I half expected to be asked to be in the wedding party, but in the end wasn't. Reason was that although I'm very close to my brother, I live thousands and thousands of km away from them! There's no way I could do anything with the other bride's maids. (Dress fittings, etc etc.)
I don't think it's rude of her not to ask you to be in the wedding. Many times siblings aren't in the wedding party. If she does ask and you don't want to be involved, perhaps you could say that as a family member you would prefer to enjoy the wedding from the front row, but would be pleased to help out in any other way needed. Also, since you live across the country, they may not ask you at all, or you could just say that because of the distance you won't be able to give it the time you feel the job deserves.
2007-06-20 02:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I got married we had a very similar situation. It was his sister who lived far away and I didn't know her that well and she didn't want to be in the wedding. She told my now husband when we first got engaged right out that she would love to be a part of the wedding but not as a bridesmaid. When I mentioned putting her in the wedding party my husband explained her wishes to me and we asked her to do a reading. I'm glad she had the courage to speak up because I did not want her to feel like she had to just because it was her brother. It was wonderful to have her there that was the important thing. And ironically enough...we have moved only an hour away from my sister in law and now she is one of my best friends. It all worked out in the end. If you don't want to be in the wedding speak up!
2007-06-19 14:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by Elizabeth L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wish I knew when a Bridesmaid became a popluarity contest. A bridesmaid is a maid who has been with her bride a long time helped her get to where she is. Someone close to you that you want to honor by standing by you as you move on to a new life. You never want to say down the road just because you were in my wedding doesn't mean we were friends for ever. Pictures will be there for the endurance or your wedding.. you only want people who you are going to want to see as often as you look at your wedding day.
2007-06-19 16:30:08 · answer #7 · answered by wonka wonka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's generally considered a graceful act on the part of the bride to invite her fiance's sister(s) to be part of the wedding party, but it is in no way required. If she does ask, though, be sure to consider both her and your brother's feelings before you turn her down. You don't have to accept anymore than she has to ask, but it might mean a lot to the happy couple. If you do turn down an offer to be a bridesmaid, be sure to make it clear it's not because of any disapproval.
2007-06-19 14:18:58 · answer #8 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no requirement on who to ask and not ask to be in the wedding. That being said, family of either side has a better chance of being "chosen" to be in it.
If you future sister-in-law asks you, be honest. Tell her you are so happy for them, can't wait for the wedding, you are flattered they asked, and of course you will be there for ANYTHING they might need. However, you don't want to take a position as bridesmaid when you are sure she has friends who are closer to her, both literally and figuratively. Just ask if she wouldn't mind you gracefully bowing out. If she is persistent, tell her you will think about it, but go to your brother. Tell him your feelings. I'm sure the two of you can figure it out!
Good luck, just remember to give them all the love and support but let them know they can find a better fit for the job.
2007-06-19 14:29:37 · answer #9 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She isnt required. Heck, if that was the case, i'd have to have 4 bridesmaids that are just his sisters and that would leave no room for my friends! You can politely decline if she invites you, but think about it, all you'd have to do is walk a few feet down the aisle since you live so far away. You'd just be doing it for your brother and wouldnt be too much out of your way.
2007-06-19 17:27:37 · answer #10 · answered by amy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A Bride is NOT required to ask anyone to be an attendant. It is always her choice, her option. She can ask ten ladies to walk up the aisle before her or no one. She can ask all of her cousins and sisters . . or all of her high school and college friends . . or a mixture, it is her choice.
If you do not want to be in the wedding party YOU need to tell the Bride and/or the Groom that you would rather be "a guest."
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-06-19 15:04:13 · answer #11 · answered by Avis B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋