Out of town Maid of Honor-how do I through her an engagement party?

Question

I'm in college, and my best friend from high school asked me to be her Maid of Honor, but we grew up in New Mexico, she lives in Arizona now, and I'm in Colorado. She got engaged in February, but just this week she told me that she wants to have an engagment party and I'm supposed to throw it. She's getting married in October, and I'm working in Colorado all summer, "our" friends are mostly in New Mexico, and she and "her" friends are in Arizona. I've been trying to get a list of who she wants, and contact information, but she hasn't been very helpful. I'm not even sure who the other Brides Maids are! I can't even get a hold of her mom!

What should I do!?!?

My mom didn't have an engagment party, so she doesn't have any advice either.

HELP!

Answer 1

OK, she's out of line. Generally, the engagement party is hosted by the PARENTS of the bride, to announce their daughter's engagement to all. She needs to read this article about bridesmaids duties and maid of honor duties.
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI980914211009&keywordID=176&keywordType=2&parentID=209
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI980914210920&keywordID=176&keywordType=2&parentID=209

Answer 2

YOU are NOT supposed to throw this lady an engagement party. Just stop right now!!!

The engagement party has a specific purpose . . and that is to announce Mary and John's engagement "formally". The engagement party is supposed to be "hosted" by the Bride's Mother and/or Father OR the Groom's Mother and/or Father.
And if the parents cannot "host" the party then a close relative of the Bride or Groom's should do it, NOT an out-of-town Maid of Honor.

The engagement party should NOT be the beginning of the "gift giving season" for this couple, and that's exactly why this "friend" of yours wants an engagement party . . GIFTS. When someone is invited to an engagement party they are not supposed to bring a gift, and if they do, it is always something small or incidental.

It is not your place to "host" this party and you need to tell your friend that. The engagement party should have taken place months ago, when the couple became engaged, NOT now. Don't let this "Bride" take advance of you, and she is trying very hard, there is only so much you can do living that far away.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 3

You are not 'required' to throw an engagement party - not everyone even has those, anyway. Usually it would be at the parents' home, and is basically just a time for family to meet the wedding party, and there's usually just drinks and munchies.
She's just going to have to realize that distance is a factor with you.
When I got married, my best friend lived two provinces away, so I asked her to be my MOH because she is the closest in my heart -- not so she could help out with things. Where I'm from, family does things like getting the shower together, anyway, not attendants - even though if they are around, they help out.
Just tell her nicely you won't be able to do this. A good friend will understand.

Answer 4

The MOH isn't required to throw an engagement party. The couple or their family are the ones to throw it, not you. So there's no need for you to continue to worry about it! The MOH throws the hen party as well as the bridal shower. If you aren't in a convenient location to throw these, get in touch with the bride's maids to discuss the plans and what you should do. But there's no need to throw an engagement party.

Answer 5

Have it a night or two before the wedding. You aren't "supposed" to throw anything for her. She is a selfish person. A friend wouldn't do that to you. I'd bow out of the maid of honor thing. I never expected my matron of honor to throw me a party. We had state lines separating us as well, but even if it were in the same town, I wouldn't expect it. My bridal shower was thrown after the wedding and it was nearby friends who did it. Some coworkers before my wedding had a little something at work, but nothing major.

Answer 6

Your job is the bridal shower and the bridal party usually gets together to help with that and the bachelorette party. The couple themselves or the parents throw an engagement party. Tell her you cannot throw her an engagment party, seeing as there are difficulties and that it is not the MOH's job to do so. Tell her you will be available for the bridal shower though.

Answer 7

MOH not supposed to throw engagement party!!! MOH and bridal party are in charge of bridal shower. The engagement party is hosted by the couple and or their parents. This is a big expense for a collge friend that traditionally your role isn't expected to pay!

Answer 8

it was kind of rude of her to say she wanted a party and that you were to arrange it. technically, the maid of honor is responsible for the wedding shower and the families are responsible for an engagement party. usually it is not requested by the couple but offered by their parents. i wish i had some advice but that's all i know.

Answer 9

I would let it go and have someone close to her throw the party if they want. You did your best. With state lines seperating you two I think she is expecting way too much. It was in my opinion, actually really rude for her to call and order you to throw her a party in the first place. The least she can do is be helpful and help you plan it so far away.

Answer 10

It's not your duty as a MOH to throw an engagement party. It's something she does herself or her family, not you. I would talk to her and explain your troubles with this and suggest her mother arrange this.

We threw our own engagement party. It was small, casual and fun.