To what extent do I NOT help a wheelchair bound person.....?

Question

I mean in the interests of the persons dignity.... today i watched such a person attempt to retrieve a letter from the floor... grasping at it but not being able to lift an edge in order to pick it up. I had to help, and didnt want to watch any longer.... but then I thought should I have waited ... had I in some way insulted that person by helping? I feel awkward and don't know how much I should allow them to achieve something ...have you any thoughts on similar incidents?

I love Franja's interpretation on "handicapped" and I'm inclined to agree too. Yeh I'm caring enough to check back on my answers, I wouldn't be discussing my own inadequacies and asking for opinions if I didn't care. I realise dignity and pride is a very important factor but I helped without asking, such is my nature and then wondered if I had inadvertantly made that person feel bad by not allowing them enough time to do their own thing.

Answer 1

As a wheelchair user I feel qualified to answer your query...

Firstly let me apologise for all the wheelies who have instilled in you this sense of not knowing what to do - I've met them too!

(They are disabled and it's all YOUR fault!)

Personally, I dislike turning down offers of help, because they all come from a good place... I do sometimes turn down such offers - but I hope I manage to do it graciously, "No thank you, I can manage; but thank you very much for offering - Don't go too far, I might be looking for you in 5 minutes [smile]"

It IS hard. I value my ability to do what I can, whilst recognising what I can't!

I would NEVER expect a stranger to know what I can or can't manage- so will always be grateful of the offer of help.

Best case scenario is "Can I help?" or in the case given "Can I get that for you?"

"Can I help?" is better than "Do you need help?" and "Can I get that for you?" is better than "Do you need me to get that for you?"

More enabling for us to accept offered help than to accept needed help...

Does that make sense?

EDIT: - Just read the first line of the answer before mine and want to say that I HATE being referred to as INVALID! I am still valid - I just don't do the walking thing... I want to prefer to call myself handicapped - but personally I prefer disabled.

I WANT to be happy with "handicapped" because...

In the 'human race' - God is the Steward - and the steward ALWAYS gives the best horses a handicap so the rest have an equal chance!

Like I said - I WANT to be happy with that - but I'm not...

DAMMIT!

See, we wheelies make no sense at all! Even to each other!

Some would take exception to being called 'disabled' ("I'm not DISabled - I just don't have the same abilities as you!)

So YOU'VE got NO chance!

but thank you for caring enough to ask...

but do you care enough to check back and read your answers???

Answer 2

I find that I help people even who are not invalids. If I'm near someone who drops something, I go to pick it up. Most of the time, they get to it first, but they thank me for being kind enough to try.

It may be a little different for someone who is incapable of doing it themselves, or nearly incapable, but either way ... most people would appreciate your kindness, whether they could have done it themselves or not. Common courtesy isn't common anymore, so when folks extend themselves, it's smiled upon.

Like Violet Pearl said ... don't do or say anything out of pity. It is nice to ask (even though it's a rhetorical question really) if you can help, and ask like you mean it. Ask as you're reaching out to do whatever you're asking them if you can help them with it ... It shows your concern and also the fact that you respect them.

There have been times when I've been less observant, and we're walking somewhere & my husband stops & turns back to open the door for someone, and I'm thinking, "what are you doing?" then notice that there was a or some handicapped people on the other side. He's never been frowned at or gotten a rude remark. People really are grateful that people like him/you/us are willing to go out of their way.

I think it hurts more when people ignore them. Acting as if they don't exist is worse than lending a helping hand.

Answer 3

I think you are making a bigger thing of this than the handicapped person would. A simple thing like picking up a letter you just do and the person says thank you (you hope). I don't think they would feel insulted. Something more complex such as trying to get a wheelchair up a slope for instance you ask if you can help. They either say no thanks I can manage or yes please. Simple!
I am handicapped by the way

Answer 4

the owner would not could make the area extra adaptable. in spite of the shown fact that, opposite to what Sassy reported, a landlord is had to allow "existence like" variations to the condo so as to handle a disabled tenant. the form of substitute is on the tenant's price, not the landlords. it is all part of the honest Housing Act. "existence like" could be something like installation grab bars around the bathroom and tub. i'm uncertain tips about a thank you to additionally make a flight of stairs extra accommodating to a wheelchair in spite of what you do.

Answer 5

I think I'd treat them like anyone else. If I see someone struggling, I'll say "Hey, do you need a hand?" or "Here, let me get that" whether it's an elderly person, a person with packages trying to open a door with their hands full, a mother with a newborn in her arms who drops something. Common courtesy. Don't have pity in your voice, just ask in a friendly way.

Answer 6

IMO, you're over thinking the issue. Why base your decision on if the person is disabled or not? Would you help someone who didn't appear to be disabled in the same situation. Personally, if someone appears to need help, I'll offer assistance. They can decline or accept... From the elderly lady at the grocery store... to the pregnant lady... to the person in a wheel chair... It never hurts to step up!

Answer 7

Well, it's kind of hard to answer. some people think helping is an insult, but some handicaps get insulted if you don't. I say if they are close, let them keep trying, but if it looks like they'll never reach it, help out.

Answer 8

No you wouldn't have insulted him as he couldn't do it. You may have insulted a person if you helped them do something they were able to do but just took a little bit longer than the rest of us eg. manoeuvering their wheelchair through a doorway.

Answer 9

by asking "are you OK can I help" the person should not be offended, if you just helped with out asking they could have been offended
If you were struggling to do something and passers by just ignored you would you be grateful for help

Answer 10

i agree with you , its hard to watch someone struggling but somepeople dont like accepting help. i think i would have helped, but if its an awkward moment maybe you could ask if they want help before you give it.