She likes to tell me her problems and everything else I don't want to know. I understand if she needs to get issues off her chest, but if she wants to do that it should be with a friend, of which she has many, not me, her daughter. I find myself worrying about things I should not be worrying about.
For example, about a month a ago she told me that she was going to ask my father for a divorice, but she was going to wait untill the end of the summer. I don't think that is something I should have had to worry about. The proper time for me to find out would have been when they were accually getting divoriced, not months in advance. So, now I have the weight of that on my shoulders untill it happens.
I get it if she wants to tell me SOME of her problems, but she's gone too far. How can I get my mother to stop telling me her problems and such so I don't have to listen to them or worry about them?
2007-06-19 10:56:58 · 22 answers · asked by Moll 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks.
2007-06-19 11:03:13 · update #1
Go get her and show her what you wrote here. Then let her read the answers.
Mom, your putting a huge burden on someone who isnt ready to deal with such huge problems. If you dont have a friend to talk to then get some counseling.
2007-06-19 11:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who did you tell your problems to growing up, was it your Mother? My bestest friends in this world are my three daughters, individually and collectively, and we have a very close relationship. It is always good to let someone know what you are doing, not everyone, but someone and your Mother feels that you are that person in this situation. Maybe because she feels that since you know both her and your father that you might understand the reason for the divorce and to also prepare you for what is to come. Feel honored that your Mother has this confidence in you. The weight of this isn't on your shoulders, you are putting it there, it is your Mom's shoulders that are weighted down. Can you be there for her, this time? God Bless.
2007-06-27 05:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely have to let her know it's a problem for you. She probably sees you as a confidant now that she no longer sees you as a little girl. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but you have to let her know she's over-sharing.
I agree with you about the divorce issue. That should have first been resolved with your parents before it got down to you.
I obviously don't know you or your mom, but she seems to be the kind of extroverted person that uses other people to make herself feel better. If she gossips to you about other people's personal problems that's a clear give-away. Keep that in mind.
Good luck.
2007-06-19 18:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by Arnaldo C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't tell her in person, maybe you can write her a letter explaining your feelings about the situation. In your letter include that you don't want to worry about things that are out of your control, like the divorce. Tell her that she has to figure out her life without getting you involved.
2007-06-27 01:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by maestra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get her into a 'talkaboutyourproblems club' so she can spill her life's story there and not at you.
***
and don't BE there to be talked to, go to your friends' houses and just chill there, maybe in a week she'll realize that she needs to talk to someone OTHER than you b/c your not always there at the right time to talk to her.
***orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr***
if that doesnt work tell your mom, that her words are too much to hear. and that telling you about the divorce freaked you out and you guys need a little space.
2007-06-19 18:09:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her how you feel.She sees you as a grown up young lady able to handle the major issues.Tell her that she needs to find another person to talk to .Maybe she was preparing you for the future so that you could get used to the idea of a divorce.Find her someone she can talk to .
2007-06-19 22:45:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your mom feels comfortable talking to you, she is able to totally unwind when she talks to you. Tell her you love her and care about her,but she is making you go crazy, tell her its great for her to be able to talk together but it is something you no longer can handle. If she needs someone to talk to about a divorice then she should start talking to your dad.
2007-06-27 09:13:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you say here is absolutely right. you just have to tell your mom that something is very wrong with us. you keep telling me your problems. this is something i'm suppose to be doing to you. i'm your daughter and you are my mother and sometimes i feel like i'm the mother in the family. you are giving me too many pressures in my life that i really don't need or want. please stop using me this way. i love you, but i want to love you as my mother, somone that i can turn to.
2007-06-20 22:16:54 · answer #8 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and tell her that although you will always love her and be there for her...you don't want to know personal issues that concern her and your father...
You understand that she needs someone to talk to, but you need her to be your mother, not confidante. And that it makes you uncomfortable to be told certain things....
If she doesn't get it, then you need to have a talk with your dad.
2007-06-19 18:05:32 · answer #9 · answered by lc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of my relative gets mad because her parents didn't tell her that they will separate until they are actually getting a divorce. You might actually be lucky since your mom is talking things out with you and sharing her feelings, but since you are annoyed by her doing do, I don't think you have empathy for her, but of course it's not your fault since it's an in-born trait.
2007-06-26 09:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋