Is everything really my fault as my ex-mother-in-law says?

Question

Someone that knows both me and my ex-mother-in-law says that she was telling her that everything bad that has happened in the family is my fault.

She says that I have ruined her son, her granddaughter and my own life.

I left my ex-husband because he was abusive and controlling. Yet, she still blames me for all of the problems.

I know that I have not been strong and have promised them many times that I would come back and then did not follow through.

She also said that my brother does not want to talk to me and everyone is tired of me. My own parents have been the cause of all of the problems.

I don't think that she is right. I wonder if I was different (stronger and more assertive), I could have made our family life better.

I do worry about my daughter a lot though.

I am upset about my brother making comments about me to my ex-husband. I can't trust my own family also.

Answer 1

I know you are hurt BUT every mother in law is going to blame the daughter in law or son in law over her own child. Thats just how they are. And no it's not ur fault for everything going wrong if her son is abusive and controlling then she should understand that and not want you to get hurt.... Be strong for you and ur daughter. ur brother needs to leave his comments for himself and not choose ur ex over you. At this very moment you should trust ur gut instinct and no one other than ur self. It's a harsh world out there and sometimes when we need someone they are not there so trust in ur self for the sake of ur daughter and everything will be A-OK~~

Answer 2

Your ex mil.. needs to get a grip & see her son for what he is . She raised him ... dah Oh well . maybe she made great mistakes as to what was really important in life .Maybe her son never learned Depth in a relationship ... In a relationship it takes 2 ... Both partys r at fault when it fails . Both partys made mistakes . Shes a fool to think it was only you.... Do not believe it was your family that caused ALL the problems . They very well may have contributed but THEY r not ALL the problems. When 2 people love each other they can work through anything but they have to WORK ... Your Family is all you have left afterwards a marraige dies . Trust them ... rekindle that relationship but do not let them POISON you into believeing it was the other spouses fault . It takes 2 to break it!!! If they still feel the same after it is over they are not accepting reality. There r 2 sides to every story .If they r foolish enough to believe 1 then they ... whose oppinion is just an oppinion... are doomed to repeat thier mistakes. Note this Especially if they helped break up the relationship instead of encourage it... people r very cruel and sometimes do things for SELFISH reasons ... Chalk it up to experience and stay CLEAR of FOOLISH people... maybe they had selfish reasons to get thier noses involved where a marriage is only 2 people. Divorce is a tough battle . no one wINS . yOUR DAUGHTER WILL SUFFER BUT SHE WILL ALSO GAIN KNOWLEDGE TO HELP HER MAKE BETTER DECISIONS IN HER LIFE AS SHE DEVELOPES relationships> ... bE HONEST W/ HER ACCEPT SOME OF THE FAULT AND TALK TO HER W/ PURE REALITY OF THE SITUATIONS THAT BROKE THE MARRIAGE APART. One day she will understand better for she will be in a marriage herself. Hopefully she will not repeat either of your mistakes which led to the break-up.Divorce kills many relatiponships ...especially those that formed b/c of the marriage only and NOT those that formed on true careing and love between 2 people....{ just b/c you married the brother ... Did that make you have to love them? Was being the mil. only "There" or did she want to love you ?} These all r things you will see when it is over and TRUE love relationships r rare you will find... They r worth keeping even if you r no longer married to the brother for example} The true relationships you developed will be present AFTER the split!!! Learn from this break up ...move on ...do not repeat the mistakes........................

Answer 3

If you're recently divorced / separated (as from your post I'd guess), then you do need a lot of support and people to talk with.

However - I strongly advise against listenning to ANYTHING your ex-in-law (especially mother-in-law) has to say on the subject. Of course she's going to blame you. To do otherwise, she would have to betray her own child and maybe even place some of the blame on her own meddling in the relationship. Not likely that she'd going to be THAT objective in such an emotionally charged situation.

Just ingore her and do what's best for you and your children. If that means getting back together, then great - if it means moving on, then that's good too.

Scr*w her and her opinion of the situation. Opinions are like *ssholes, everybody has one, they're not very pretty most of the time, and they often stink !

Answer 4

I don't know the whole situation, so I can't say for sure. But I would say that if he was abusive and controlling you did the right thing by leaving. We all make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that we can't change and do the right thing.

(By the way, your ex-mother-in-law will probably never admit that her son was the one with the problem. You might as well get used to that.)

Good luck!

Answer 5

Hey - Your ex mother in law needs to mind her own business. Only you and your ex husband know what went on under your roof. She is going to be in denial regarding her son, no matter what, so don't bother trying to persuade anything or anyone.
As far as your brother is concerned, I don't know what's up with that but you should talk to him and figure it out.
I don't know you, or what has taken place but I give you much credit for leaving!! A lot of people don't find the strength to leave.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

I think that you need to ignore the bad stuff that they are saying and just keep on track with yourself..
Don't go back to an abusive husband and get your daughter..she could get abused by him as well....
Who cares what your ex's mom says? Of course she is going to be on her sons side..and your brother...don't talk to the jerk.

Answer 7

She's your ex so forget her. By letting her comment upset you, you are giving her power over her. You can't change an abusive spouse so you did the right thing by leaving. Speak to your brother about his actions.

Answer 8

Ex-mothers-in -law always say it's your fault. Don't listen. Do what you need to do for yourself and your child and ignore the nay-sayers.

Answer 9

Screw what she says and thinks. Had she not of done a bang up job raising her own damn kid, she wouldn't feel the need to blame anyone else.

Answer 10

Damn. This is the time to grow a back bone and F*** them all. Do what you need to do for you and your kid and don't worry about them. Let them talk smack.