My husband died 4 weeks ago from cancer at the age of 65. Emotions are still very "raw". I know I will get

Question

through this in time, but right now it seems impossible. Crying 2 or 3 times every day, feel sad and lonely, and lost interest in hobbies. How long will this last? Surely I cannot be crying/existing like this forever?

Answer 1

I am so very sorry for your loss. It will get better but you have to grieve first. You will never ever really get over it but the pain will lessen. God Bless

Answer 2

My dear, I wish I could tell you how long these feelings will will last but unfortunately I can't. All I can say is that at some time, you will smile again, and you will start to live again.
My first husband died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 47. I felt as though I had been pole axed. I was left with 3 teenage children, who were hurt and upset, and one of them went right off the rails for a few years.
Even people who have been through the same thing can't help to any great extent, although they do know how you feel.
When you are worn out with crying, try to imagine the day you will be able to remember good times with your husband and smile instead of cry. This will eventually happen, although the crying may never stop altogether, it will get less and less.
You will discover the truth of the saying "Time is a great healer".
In the meantime, accept help and invitations from family and friends, members of your church or social group, if you belong to one. Talk about your husband and remember him. He was your love for many years, and you will never forget himl
I will pray for you.
My own story has a happy ending. I am now married again to a wonderful man and we have a young daughter who is adored by her now grown up brothers and sisters.
I hope you like this poem:

do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun light on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awake in the mornings hush
I am the uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die

Answer 3

Hi sweetie, am most sorry to hear of your loss only a month ago. It seems that the good people get taken early, Your husband was ONLY 65. I lost my Darling Mum to the same NASTY disease CANCER too, she was only 45 and one of the most healthiest. When I look back, i can remember the endless hours and days of crying, feeling so sad and lonely as you do. Like you I imagine, He was your partner,soulmate and above all your best friend. The days will pass and it really doesn't feel like it at the moment as it really is early days. I done some real hair raising things when I was grieving, snapping and snarling at people for weeks. Ofcourse I didn't mean any of it, as grief attacks us all in so many different and weird ways. It is so important to have atleast one good friend whom you can trust to confide in. The pain that you are feeling will ease, the longing for them on the other hand never stops. You will always miss them but, I keep my Darling Mum locked in my heart. Its a place where nobody or nothing can hurt her anymore. The only comfort to me is that all the pain and unpleasant treatments are now over. I imagine that you also had to stand back and witness the endless treatments that our pathetic NHS provide. I think that it is so easy to neglect ourselves when we are grieving, we seem to go on auto pilot. Afterall I'm sure that your Darling Husband would not wish to see you this way. He will rest so much better just knowing that you are being strong here without him. I hope that you find your own little ways of getting through this as I did. Dont worry about what other people think as they are not where you are right now. I never ever thought that I could get over losing my Mum I was only 25. I know that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, life does go on as you will see. It really is no consolation, but this will make you a stronger person when things have eased. Hang on in there you will get through this sad time. I sincerely wish you lots of LOVE and will say a prayer for you both. Take Good Care Of Yourself XXXXXX

Answer 4

It will not last forever, but it may last for a while yet, with the frequency of episodes slowly decreasing. There is no timetable for grief and grieving. It lasts as long as it lasts. I know that you are experiencing serious pain that probably leaves you feeling unable to think, move, and sometimes even unable to breathe. If you feel like crying, then cry. There is no way past grief other than to go through it. I am sorry for your loss. My sister died at 42 from breast cancer that metastisized and it was gutwrenching and mind numbing. I know it is hard to believe right now, but it will pass and you will be left with the joy of having known and loved him.

Answer 5

Well, You are entitled to your grief. My Son was murdered he has been gone for 14 yrs. I still miss him and still cry now and again. It takes time. Each person is different. You need to try and find something you can do to get out of your house. Try finding maybe a ladies group you can go to during the week. Something to slowly bring you around to not crying all the time. BU T please note that it is okay to accept your feelings. It was very hard for me. I went back to work a week after he died and I remember driving home at night and you would see families through their windows ( not window peeping ) but they were laughing or maybe they were outside playing together.. I would think I want that I want to feel that normalness again. You will feel that. You give yourself some time and just try and get active in something that gives your mind and heart a break daily. I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you as I know exactly what you are going through. The man I loved died suddenly in January 2007. We were just starting our life together and I am devastated. Its been nearly 5 months now and I still cry every day for him. I feel lost and lonely without him.

Its very early days for you. I don't think you will ever get over it, and I know it does feel impossible now, but it will get easier. You will have good and bad days and you will go through all kinds of emotions such as shock,sadness, disbelief, guilt, anger, loneliness etc. These are all feelings I am going through at the moment. It is good to be with friends and family as much as you can, try not to be alone. Talk about him to people and remember your memories. Its natural to lose interest in life and hobbies for a while, but eventually you will get them back.

Remember he would want you to be sad and miss him, but he would also want you to get on with your life without him. These are all things that people are telling me to do and its really very hard to do, but I know what they are saying is true. Its also good to cry to let your emotions out.

Remember he is still with you, watching over you and making sure you are ok. You will never ever forget him.

I don't have the answers, but my thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Take care xx

Answer 7

Poor you - I am so sorry to hear your news. I'm not suprised you are crying constantly - it is still early days for you. You have to let it out - and grief has no time limit - it will tell you when you are through.

You will never forget your husband and I'm sure you will miss him forever but the hurt will subside and life will be happy again, it just takes time. It may be worth you seeing your Dr and talking things through with him.

I'm sure your lovely husband wouldn't want you to be so upset and not getting on with your life, so do it for him, raise a smile and try and enjoy yourself.

I really do wish you the very best of luck
xxxx

Answer 8

My dad died of cancer almost 5 years ago. I was 19 at the time. He was my hero and I thought my world would end. You must remember that your husband would not want you to spend the rest of your life not living and crying over him. You will feel sad and horrible for a while. It took me 6 months or longer to not cry instantly when I saw someone who looked like my dad. For my mom it took her almost 2 years to start living again. He will always be in your thoughts. And some days will be better than others. Talk to people when you are ready. Don't push yourself to forget him but remind yourself that you are still living. Please contact me if you need to talk more. [e-mail]

Answer 9

It will be when your ready my sister lost her husband when he was 52 and she got sick of everyone saying "it takes time" that's why I say when your ready, everyone is different and we all deal with things differently. We don't say much about it now but I know that there are times it hurts her very much and that's after 11 years. When her son got married it was sad and I didn't even look at her when kind words were spoken as I knew that we would both cry, there will be days weeks and months that you will be OK, only it can just be something simple either said or done that will remind you of him. You take care x

Answer 10

First and foremost I am truly sorry for your loss, I lost my husband of 6 years in Feb. to Leukemia. Emotions will run raw for a while, they still are with me. I've lost interest in hobbies, family and life in general at times, it's normal honey. God speed your broken heart mended, and remember your good times. It will get easier, a little at a time, I don't cry everyday like I did, but I have my days.

Best Wishes

Answer 11

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what I would feel like if I lost my David. But here's a big hug from Minnesota!

You could try writing in a journal. Take all the time you need to get through this grieving process. Take long walks and remember the good times together. Talk about him with family and friends. Take as long as you need.

Then begin again.