My sister has told me that she does not plan to have me as her matron of honor because I live too far away. I understand that she has a right to choose whomever she pleases. She's picking a friend who she has known for two years, and excluding me entirely -- as she claims that I can't be a bridesmaid because I am married (???). She is selecting her attendants as if it were a job interview, based on their ability to perform certain tasks, not on how close she is with them, or how appropriate their inclusion would be. I'm competent to perform these duties -- in fact, I used to work as an event planner. I feel that even though I live miles away, I can do 90% of the work, and everything on the day itself, and I hate to admit it, but I am seriously offended. We have always been pretty close, so that doesn't seem to be the issue. She served as my maid of honor while living far away -- I simply divided those duties among others who were closer, and let her have the appropriate "honor". So...?
2007-06-19 08:54:35 · 21 answers · asked by Ali Cat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your sister is an inconsiderate, etiquette ignorant, selfish b***h. Feel better yet?
Let her do what she wants, and offer to be helpful when you can. It's her day, let her do it her way. You might be better off -
she sounds pretty manipulative.
I had all three of my sisters in my wedding party, and none of them asked me or any other sister to be in theirs! Honestly, I was relieved. I could help where needed, advise if asked, and everyone was happy about it.
2007-06-19 09:03:12 · answer #1 · answered by Nurse Susan 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well...you both have the right to feel how you feel. If you really love her, you should tell her that your feelings are hurt, and let her know that you want to help, even if you're far away.
She may not change her mind about you being a bridesmaid, but that's okay, too. She really needs to be the one to make the decisions on this issue. In truth, it sounds as if she's going about this very logically, which might be good.
There is nothing that says a married woman can't be a bridesmaid. It's done all the time (two of the bridesmaids in my daughter's upcoming wedding are married, FYI).
There are lots of ways you can help, even if you're not a member of the wedding party...Especially if you have experience! I'm sure you will find a way to work this out, and to be a significant contributor to your sister's special day!
2007-06-19 16:12:07 · answer #2 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only title a married attendant can't have in a wedding is that of 'Maid of Honor' . Other than that it's fair game between the singles and the marrieds. She really needs to get a grip on reality here - a person who is competent to do a task, but is NOT a close friend is someone you HIRE. As a sister who was shut out of her brothers wedding I can understand only too well the hurt that goes along with that and the fact that even after the divorce the memory of it still stings. Have your say with your sister and have it soon! She needs to be pointed in the right direction on many levels.
2007-06-19 16:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by Cory C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all the only thing that changes if you're married is that you are a MATRON of honor not Maid of honor.. she's crazy especially since you already had her as your maid of honor. The girl seems out of her mind and is not taking the wedding for what it is supposed to be. A wedding is a celebration of the love two people share, and having a wedding party and guests is to honor and enjoy the company of those people the couple have relationships with. You may be better off just being a guest because she sounds like if these bridesmaids dont 'follow her orders' she's likely to go ape-sh*t on them and chances are after the wedding these gals will see the true her and not be involved with her life or future children. definitely express to her how you feel tho.
2007-06-19 16:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely agree with you, and very sorry you're going through this. Forgive me for saying, but your sister is acting more like a director than a bride, and it's pretty shocking in how she replied to you. And of course married women can be bridesmaids!
I suppose though, at this point, she's made her decision and there's nothing you can do about it. I wouldn't beg her to be in the wedding (I'm sure you're not). I guess the upside to it is if she gets really bossy, you won't have to hear it. I really don't know what else to say, but go to the wedding as a guest, smile and laugh and be gracious. Someday she's going to look back and regret that she didn't have her sister standing with her. I'm sorry! I hope it all works out.
2007-06-19 16:34:35 · answer #5 · answered by Starry Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... you better brace yourself. Sounds like your sister is already well on her way to being a Royal Bridezilla.
I understand you are offended. I would be too. You could offer your help anyway and hope she eventually includes you based on how helpful you are. Though she seems to be picking her maids for the entirely wrong reasons. Maybe its for the best. You can sit back and enjoy her wedding from a comfortable pew and avoid being dictated to do various tasks. Have you talked to your mother about it? Does she see where your coming from. I don't know any mother who wouldn't be disappointed in a daughter who didn't include her sister in the bridal party.
PS: Her excuse that your married so you cant be a bridesmaid is total BS. I've seen PLENTY of married bridesmaids (in fact, one of mine is!)
2007-06-19 16:04:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand how you feel! My cousin is getting marrined next month. All her bridesmaids live out of town. Not only did she not ask me (I thought we were close) but she didn't ask her own sister. Her siste lives 5 minutes away from her! She didn't ask her because she is embarrased of her sister who is seriously overweight. Most of the family is shocked, but you can't make her choose you just because you are related. Not saying it's the right thing to do...
I know I would have loved to be in her wedding myself... considering I've never been in a wedding. But oh well.
As for married women being bridesmaids... My MOH is divorced and my other bridesmaids are married. I chose the people who have always been around to support me when it counted. Related or not!
2007-06-19 16:06:33 · answer #7 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So thank your lucky stars all you have to do is show up and be happy for her on her special day.
Sure, she's your sister and you want desperately to reciprocate and participate - but in the end, it's her day - not yours.
So let it ride.
That said, you can level with her and tell her how much you had looked forward to being involved in her wedding plans and preparations and how disappointed you are that she has elected to choose a different path. Maybe you can twist her arm into letting you be a part of the wedding party at least.
But ultimately, it's her choice.
One thing for sure - DO NOT LET THIS CAUSE ILL FEELINGS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR NORMALLY SENSIBLE AND LOVING SISTER.
It's only one day - let it ride.
2007-06-19 16:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to let her know how you feel, and how hurt you are by her decision. Since when can´t a matron of honor be married or live far. that's ridiculous.. Talk to her asap.. friends come and go but a sister will always be there!
Good luck..
Bcn_mimosa from Barcelona, Spain
2007-06-19 16:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by bcn_mimosa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where you would be offend and you have a right to be. But it sounds like you should count yourself lucky that you get to just attend the wedding rather than be at the beck and call of a potential bridezilla.
While her decision making process is flawed, at least you're spared from the nightmare.
Good luck and try to make the best of it!
2007-06-19 16:06:44 · answer #10 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋