WOMEN, what would you think?

Question

I have been seeing this girl for a short period of time. She has lived with a guy for about 7 years that she supports financially and he treats her horribly. She has talked about leaving, and I believe that she truly wants to but I am afraid it will take her quite a while to build up the courage. I have purchased a 5 day vacation in Antigua for the two of us. I plan on asking her to go and letting her know that if she isn't ready it won't hurt my feelings, but that I care about her enough to want to do this. What would your reaction be? Would you be swayed to leave him or would it have no impact? Also, any advice you can give me on how to approach it would be appreciated. Thanks, I need the advice.

Answer 1

I look at your forehead and see the word Sucker written across it.

Answer 2

Wow, first of all you sound like an amazing guy, just the fact that you know her situation and are still willing to stick around is great. Obviously she wants out of the mess shes gotten herself in, or she wouldn't have found you. A woman's biggest fear is being alone, and that is probably why she's held on to this guy for so long. If it were me, this vacation would be just what I need to allow me to escape from all of that stress. I think she'll love it, and hopefully it will show her that you're willing to do things for her... BIG things. Just treat her like a queen and show her that there's more to life than the hell shes been going through. Once she sees that all guys don't treat her badly, then she'll start building up enough courage to move out. Just be there for her, and let her know that you're willing to give her time to make her own choices. She will definitely appreciate the fact that you care about her enough to stick around. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I would kick him to the curb if I were her..You sound like a great guy for doing this and she needs to find the courage and go with you..if anything just to step away from the current situation and see that things could be so much for her. If I were you, I would approach this carefully because you don't want to push her further into this loser's arms. Just tell her, "I see how miserable you have been and I was hoping you'd join me in some quiet time, to help you get your thoughts together." If she seems receptive to that I'd go ahead and tell her about antigua and that because you were hoping she'd say yes so you bought 2 tickets. I just wouldnt tell her you bought the tickets till you approached her with the idea of it. That way she won't feel guilty about you having bought them and not wanting to go. I think if you put the idea in her head she may just find the courage to do it...Good Luck, my thoughts are with you!!!

Answer 4

You must be mighty serious if you're spending that kind of dough to take her away...but perhaps by doing so, you will BOTH find out -whether you want to be together. I think you should just leave the "ball" in her "court" and see what her answer is...It does sound like there may be some emotional hostage holding going on with her and this guy - that she's always supported him and is afraid of him to a degree, whether she admits this, or not.

It's gallant of you to intercede with this offer, but remember, she's in a confused state right now...its going to take her time to disengage herself from this guy, IF, she really wants too. Do you plan on waiting around? -This trip could open up a real committment by you in heart and emotions, are you willing to risk that to find out?

Only you can answer this dear...I wish you well and I applaud your interest and concern for her, just be cautious you don't overdo it.
She needs to grow up and decide if this is the life she wants for herself - and by you showing her something better, I can only hope she will realize she needs to move on from what's she's living with.
-Because it does become, a kind of "battering" if you will -to stay in such a relationship.

Goodluck dear...whatever is meant to be, will be...sometimes we can't change destiny, no matter how hard we try, but you're giving it a good shot and you may succeed (and you won't know, unless you try...)

Grace

Answer 5

Well I hate to say this but she may not leave him at all.
I hope for your sake that she does and she wants to be with you. Say that you got two tickets to go to Antigua and ask if she would like to go with you. If she goes with you I would ask her to let him know that she is with you or I would not take her. Tell her that she could call the cops and ask him to leave with them there if she does not feel safe doing it alone. And make sure she gets a thing to keep him away from her so she can feel safe. If she does not leave him then then she probably will never leave him

Answer 6

At this point I don't think that leaving for a five day vaction is not the right decision for her right now. When one is hurt from some one that they love or have loved for a long time, their emotions and every thing else comes down. The only thing that one needs at that time is some to talk to, some one that will always be there for him/her in many difficult times that he/she may be having with people they care for.
Until she decides to leave him and not go back to him, then you might want to go out for a vaction; but only until she feels secure, right and strong enough.

Answer 7

well there must be a reason shes supporting and staying with a man who doesnt treat her well. either shes scared to leave and be alone or he threatened her. u never know. but theres a reason.
and if u care abt her and show her she means a lot to you and ur not just a horny guy who sees shes vulnerable then that should make her feel good abt u. it may take time, by being there when she needs u and just doing small things to show her ur worth the time and she means a lot to you, eventualy shell come around and appreciate it and maybe will go away with you.
just dont rush it!
good luck

Answer 8

The problem with your asking her to go on vacation with you, is not the vacation itself, (which is really sweet of you to ask her!) but that it won't change the issues she'll have waiting at home for her when she gets back, so she might not want to just pick up and leave just to come back in a few days...although the rest away from the jerk she's living with might be good for her!

Your best bet and getting her to go, would to be to get her to get rid of the jerk first, and then tell her to go with you on the vacation to "start fresh". This may prompt her to just go ahead with her plan of leaving this other guy, and going with you.

Answer 9

A five-day vacation is not the solution. What's happens after the five days? Where will she live? She needs to break it clean before she starts entering into the next relationship. I'm sure you don't want to be the rebound guy either. Find someone with no attachments. I'm not saying don't be a friend to her, but she has issues she needs to deal with before she can begin anything with you.

....by the way, if she doesn't want to go on the trip I DO!!

Answer 10

She's not going to leave him just because you invite her on a vacation.
She's in an abusive relationship, she has to make the decision that she deserves better. Maybe just seeing how you are different from him will help her enough but if she stays with him and supports him even though he treats her horribly, she's got outrageous self-esteem issues. She's going to have to regain her self-respect before she can leave him for good.

Answer 11

I just find it odd that you are buying vacations for her and yourself when you say you are only dating for a short time and she is with someone else. I think doing that is pushing her and you are better off talking to her about if she is not ready then springing a vacation on her and asking her to make a decision. If she says no she will feel bad that you spent the money etc she might feel that she has to say yes so that you will not try to find someone else to take with you.