My sister lives with her 3 children and husband about 3 miles away. The problem is, she criticizes me all the time.Anything I buy, she gives comments by saying, "you really did not need this". or she would say, "you could have saved this money for something else" or "you could have bought an used item instead of buying a new one". Also, if something breaks or wont work, she would say, "you could have taken an advice from me before buying it" or she would say, " I already knew it would happen", or she would say, "see I told you".
Other problem is, she would say anything to you, but if you saying a word in response, she would try to dig the dirt out from your childhood diseases even and she would call me by the names& makes me feel guilty about my past.
I never ever say even a word what she buys or what she does with her life even she is a big spender herslef. I even dont owe her a penny but her behaviour kills me.I told her to leave me alone.
What is wrong wth her?
2007-06-19 08:34:27 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Thanks for the great answers.
By the way, essiekatsopolous, I dont live with my sister and I give her full freedom to live her own life.
A note for essiekatsopolous, give productive suggestions like other users.
2007-06-19 08:54:39 · update #1
Hello, I think, your sister has a controlling and dominating personality, I have found some great information for your consideration:
How to Cope With a Controlling Person
It is not easy to deal with or cope with a controlling person. And it is, especially, not easy to cope with it being someone that you care about. Nevertheless, a person should not be blinded, due to love. No one deserves or wants to be controlled. If they do, they may have issues that they need to deal with. In life you'll come across quite a few controlling people. However, try hard not to let that stop you from carrying on and just being yourself. Let people see you for who you are on the inside, more so than who you are on the outside. Maybe this article will help others to cope with controlling people. There are a lot of them out there. And although nobody has all the answers on how to deal with them, some people have managed to cope with the ones that they have run across.
Steps First of all, you must recognize that you are dealing with a controlling person in order to combat their position.
Next, you need to stand firm on the fact that you are not going to be controlled.
Now, in a relationship or marriage you have to work together. That does not mean that either person is lord and master, nor should either of you want to be. It doesn't help in building a strong relationship.
Try pointing out to the controlling person that their ways are stressing you out or making you feel uncomfortable.
Let them know that you don't need another parent, that you have parents already.
Stand firm on the fact that you are not a child, and that being grown is what adulthood is all about.
Be sure to have a strong mind so their problem doesn't become yours.
Realize that you are not the one with the problem, you are making an effort to communicate you feelings in the hopes of facilitating a response in your favor.
Do the things that you enjoy in spite of someone else that may wish to control you.
Spend as much time as you can away from controlling people, for you'll need that break.
If you already have plans, don't let someone else cause you to break them.
Pat yourself on the back by letting a controlling person know about the good decisions that you make for yourself.
The old term "oh really" works well when someone else is trying to control the conversation. It beats stressing out. If that one doesn't work, try the old "whatever" phrase, smile, and leave the room. Leaving the room gets a controlling person every time, as they like to keep things going.
Tips: Don't let someone else tell you how to manage or spend your own money, unless you have hired someone to manage it. However, in a marriage money is always a topic for discussion.
Don't let someone else live your life for you, manage it yourself.
Don't allow anyone to talk down to you, for it is degrading and a form of mind control.
Leave your mate a simple note on your whereabouts, but don't act like you have to punch in on a time clock.
Stay focused on positive things, for it will help you cope.
Not everyone can cope with certain types of people. So use your own judgement on the course of action that you should take.
2007-06-19 11:37:13 · answer #1 · answered by Jane 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Advice 1) friends - - even i have the same problem at school and masjid. dont worry, people have become like this. you can still find good friends, i know i did. patience is the key and Dua and Salah. - forget the girls at masjid. do not hate them but hate the sin they commit. 2) Clothes - - buy some, talk to your mom with kindness and show her whatever you have and pair the clothes up. Like say, on monday i wear this (then get the pant and shirt and vest and undergarments, then bring the socks. pair these up, say to your mom this is for monday. and do this for each day and each time a new pant and shirt and undergarment to be picked. so your mom will realize you need some more clothes. remember BE KIND. do not even say 'uff'. 3) Reputation - - Follow Islam and the Sunnah for sake of Allah, pleasure of Allah only. see in the Sunnah, what is the behaviour Prophet Muhammad (saws) had when he was in public, how did He (saws) behave etc.. - Do not seek the pleasure of others but seek Allah's pleasure.
2016-03-14 02:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a big sister. Need to set some boundaries. Tell her thank for your concern but you don't want to hear it if she does not approve of your shopping choices and you may have to walk away. If things start to get tense walk away, leave or cut the phone call short. If she wants to know why, say your criticism hurt and you do not wish to hear them. Dr Phil's web site has a look good advice on this
2007-06-19 08:41:24 · answer #3 · answered by Done 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know its funnyhow you have this problem. i have this problem as well except my sister is the younger sister and ia m the older one. she does the exact same thing says all the things your sister says and does all the things your sister does. are you sure were not related. just kidding. but seriously this is what i do. i stop talking to her. and stop playing her games. i know its hard because shes your sister but you need support and advice like that like you need a hole in your head. i sent my sister an email and i dont see her call her or nothing and i told her until she can learn how to behave then i want nothing to do with her. i had to set my boundaries with her. shes pushy mean bossy and lives her life in drama. shes to busy looking at everyone else to look at her ownself. that sounds like what your sister is doing to you. theres no point in telling her that she is hurting you because if shes anything like my sister she will use it as ammunition so stop giving her the ammunition. if you ever need to talk or swap stories just to get it off your mind let me know. here is my email its amative_unity@yahoo.com. i am sorry shes hurting you i hope you feel better
2007-06-19 08:55:27 · answer #4 · answered by amative_unity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about a psychological disorder but she sounds extremely bossy to me. I think she could be passive-aggressive. She is definitely not being kind to you by displaying this type of behavior. It could also be that she is not happy with her own life and is taking it out on you.
2007-06-19 08:42:57 · answer #5 · answered by kc_6201 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Jean... Older sisters have a tendancy to "control" their siblings without even realizing we do it. Cut contact(as hard as it may be) for a time and live your life. Maybe she will get the hint. If not- just tell her "I love you but MYOB stop interfering."
Good luck- we are not as "hard-assed" as we seem to be!
2007-06-19 08:43:19 · answer #6 · answered by southbelldixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is challenging to even think of that a book can assist individuals to alter their destinies but } countless guys and women, individuals that they have benefitted in a huge
2016-05-18 07:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by Brenda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds controlling and a little jealous of your freedom.
Three children and a husband are very confining.
2007-06-19 08:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nothin is wrong with her she just kares about u tel her u luv her but u no how 2 live ur life by urself
p.s. answer my q
2007-06-19 08:43:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with her. YOU are the one with the problem, kid.
2007-06-19 08:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 7⤋