We are friends with benefits, now I'm preganant!!! Help?

Question

We've known each other/had a crush..since elem schl. We both got out of serious relationships earlier this year, we seem to go out every weekend, clubs, diner, movies, bars. We're intimate every weekend, we don't use birth control, but he ALWAYS pulls out. At first it was a FWB relationship for both of us, but now I am falling so much in love with him, once while in the middle of sex, he said he loved me (3times) but I never responded, because he was drunk. Weeks later I told him how I felt, he said that he is not ready for a relationship yet, so soon after his breakup. I was married but now seperated, he mentioned to my cousin that he wasn't ready to commit cause I am not divorced yet. Recently during sex, he for some reason, came in me, then just laid there for like 20 mins! My friends say he did that on purpose to get me prego, now I am, he says that hes not ready to be a dad! whats his deal? Im keeping the baby, but do u think we have a chance here?

I realize some of the answers are just plain mean, but that's okay, everyone is entitles to their opinion. Yes I was married, but have been legally seperated for a while now. So no, I wasn't cheaating on my husband. And I do realize that I made a mistake having unprotected sex with him, but we have been friends for over 10 years, and we both had agreed to not sleep with anyone else, only each other. So, I am sorry if I have offended anyone, but I thought this site was set up so that people can ask others for advice when faced with a difficult situation. Whoever has never sinned, please be the first to cast the stone!

Answer 1

you need to tell him of tell him to stop playing games and give a straight answer without turning around around and doing something to confuse you the next day tell him your having the baby and he's going to have to choose to be with you and the baby in a together relationship or separated but tell him that you'd rather prefer together

Answer 2

No. It sounds like the two of you are too busy playing games. He's keeping you like a yo-yo. Give him an ultimatium: if he's going to be with you, then he has to be with you. No BS, no games.

My honest advice would be to ditch him & start planning a life without him. Getting a good education wouldn't hurt, especially a good sex ed. (Pulling out is NEVER a good form of birth control, since precum can have sperm in it & all it takes is one drop to make you pregnant- obviously.)

You played at sex, now you have to deal with the consequences. Now you have a tiny little life to take care of. Your needs are now secondary to his/hers. Don't ruin that baby's life by trying to include a dead beat dad when there is a real Father out there for that baby.

I don't want to endorse abortion, but think really good & hard about this. Babysit someone's baby for a week straight. If at any point you think that you can't give that little angel the life it deserves & needs, then you have no right to give birth.

EDIT:

So just because you knew each other for 10 years means that you automatically won't get pregnant from unprotected sex? Unprotected sex is the same no matter if it is someone you know for 10 years or 10 minutes. If this guy was playing games with you from day 1 of the two of you getting together & didn't want to fully commit, then you had no reason seeing him, let alone having sex with him.

There is no excuse for having unprotected sex for reasons other than procreation, especially since there are so many state programs that will give you birth control for either insanely cheap or for free. Most (if not all) health clinics give out free condoms by the handful. Even if you don't know where the clinics are, if neither you nor your man can afford a box of condoms then you have no business having sex in the first place. If you don't like having sex with condoms, then go to the gynecologist & get on birth control. If you can't go to the gyn, either use condoms or don't have vaginal sex.

I'm not going to say anything about the being legally separated, since I know that some court systems require that you be separated for a year before they will divorce you.

Answer 3

MAN !!! I can not beleive how rude and down right mean some of the answerers are to you, dear. I hope they find their self-righteousness helpful when they find themselves in some similarly messed up situation as you are now. I wasn't ready to be a dad either at 22 years old when my then girlfriend got pregnant. But 18 years later, as my wife still, we are going strong and have 2 more kids ! kudos for keeping the baby. I'm sure you'll be a great mom. We all make mistakes. Hang in there. It'll all work out

Answer 4

You both have been behaving extremely irresponsibly. You knew this was a possibility, yet you continued to have sex unprotected. Now, it's time to grow up, tell the guy you're pregnant and deal with it. You have your options, decide what you're going to do, and try being more responsible next time. If you opt to continue the pregnancy, you'll need to be responsible enough to teach responsibility. I can't believe in this day and age, you actually thought 'pulling out' was a valid form of birth control. Did you ever care about diseases? Have some self-respect.

Answer 5

Mmmm...this is a toughie.

All I can say is let him know what your expectations of him are, if he can't meet them then you will have your answer.

However, I do think most guys are initially scared and shocked by first time fatherhood, especially if it wasn't planned. But since you have been friends for so long he might come around to realize how much he cares for you and how he doesn't want to leave you high and dry with a little one to take care on your own.

Just be real with yourself and him about everything! Don't live in a fantasy world and do all you can to prepare for the birth of your child, even if you have to take him to court! Be strong!!

Good Luck!!

And congrats on your baby!!!!

Answer 6

"We've known each other/had a crush..since elem schl. We both got out of serious relationships earlier this year, we seem to go out every weekend, clubs, diner, movies, bars. We're intimate every weekend, we don't use birth control, but he ALWAYS pulls out. "

If you wanted to be FWB - fine but use some protection you retard.

You're an idiot - you both deserve each other. I feel sorry for the baby - do it a favor and give it up for adpotion. Neither of you are fit to be parents if you can't even be responsible for yourselves !

Answer 7

There seems to be some sort of chance, but both of you need to grow up a bit before the baby comes. For one thing the pull out thing is just a myth. The male penis still ejaculates a kind of lubricant known as precum. This substance has more than enough sperm to get you pregnant. You were just luck before. He may not be ready to be a father, but that's just too bad it seems. He helped make your child and he needs to step up to his responsibilities. You two need to go to counseling to discuss what you two are going to do. Marrying just because you're pregnant is never a good idea. There needs to be love there for it to work out. If he does love you then he's going to have to make a decision. In order for him to be a good father he needs to be a role model and a good way to start is to take responsibility. If he does decide that he wants to be in the child's life then he also needs to change his ways as do you. The whole friends with benefits thing never works out. Do you want your child doing the same thing when they get older. Now is when you two need to change your attitudes and make the decisions on what you want your child to learn from you. Talk it over with him and then I suggest going to counseling.

Answer 8

Let me get this straight. You are old enough to have been married and you still think that pulling out instead of a condom or birth control pills work? When I started reading this I thought you were 14 and didnt know better. Pulling out is not a birth control method. Then you have sex with him again after you got lucky enough not to get pregnent when the other genius in this relationship pulls out then he says what the hell I might as well *** in her since we havent gotten pregnent yet. Hmmmm. I dont think either of you is smart enough to have kids

Answer 9

Even if there isn't much of a chance for U2, do whats best for the baby. Have him help out with HIS baby for the first year or two. You guys some have to get married or w/e but he should still help out since its partly his baby in the first place. In time, if u guys r meant to b together then he'll get over his break up and then u will have ur chance to be together. GOOD LUCK WITH THE BABY.

Answer 10

No, I don't think there's much of a chance.

And pardon me for saying but you're an idiot for having sex w/o birth control AND condoms. The pull-out method is the most unreliable method there is. You are pregnant because you didn't care if you got pregnant...otherwise you've have taken the mature and responsible step to ensure YOU were protected against pregnancy, if not STDs (which he also could've passed to you).

*sigh* I just don't get foolish people...

Answer 11

Chance? A snowball's chance in hell maybe.

It's your own fault for letting him lay there in the first place. I doubt you'll have a chance since he said he's not ready to be a father. Don't pressure him into it by GETTING PREGNANT - you are a sneaky one, and certainly DO NOT bring an innocent child into the world that's going to have to deal with a messed up family, an absent father. You'd be totally selfish to do such a thing. Seems to me like you're the one who wanted this child more so than he does.