a poem for my girlfriend?

Question

When i look into your eyes: so intense: so rare
i see a love that will always be there
a hand that has never felt so divine
when it is locked with mine
holding you sparks great intention
anxiety happiness, feelings hard to mention
the whispher of i love you to my ear
i know my future with you, nothing to fear

you are my princess my crowned royalty
if my love were your crown, i would rest upon your head forever

if my love were a red rose, i would bloom forever. forever with you
if my love were a blanket i would be wwrapped around you forever
if my love were a fire, it will burn day and night become stronger as each day passes, it would burn endlessly
if my love were a mountain i would forever stay strong
if my love were words i would write you every song
if my love were a hug, ill hold you forever
if my love were a star, it would shine bright, but not as bright as your smile
my love for you is forever, you have all of me, my heart my soul, its yours for eternity

my love for you is more then words can say
it is you and only you that makes me feel this way
you are more then the air i breath
you aremore then the song i sing
you are my heartbeat
you are more than anything
you give me a music to my heart
you are more then each new day
you are the thuoght of my heart
you are more than words can say
and the words i love you will always and forever be that way

tell me what you think, i just wrote it and all, my girlfriend likes poetry, is it too much? is it too little? what you yhink i can do to change it?

i have hurt her and i never wanted to do that, wil this poem help any?

Answer 1

That's a really sweet poem! If your girlfriend likes poetry, I'm sure she will love it! I especially like the part that says 'you are my princess' and 'if my love were a hug, ill hold you forever'. Good job! :)

Answer 2

First, a few minor corrections.
1) In line 7, you spelled it whispher. It should be whisper.
2) in Line 3 of the third stanza, you have an independent clause shown as a dependent clause. On the last comma, either put a conjunction after it or change the comma to a semicolon.
3) On the fourth from last word (its), you need to have an apostrophe between it and s, considering the fact that it is a conjunction.
4) On the last line, you are dealing with a run on sentence. You need a period after forever and me. You do tend to put more commas in there than you're supposed to.
5) The first letter of each line should be capitalized.
6) It needs a title.

Other than those few mistakes, it is very passionate. I think that it will touch her heart. Girls love poetry about them.

-sportychick

Answer 3

it would be better if you didn't rhyme

a poem is NOT pouring out your feelings - why not paint a picture using word of what your love looks like - like a photograph - what that love IS, what that love DOES, what it ACCOMPLISHES - how is it UNIQUE.

any poem that is just an outpouring of feelings is just a bunch of gobbledygook - it makes no sense - it is too wordy - you want to say the most message with the fewest words.

I don't think this is a very good poem. It really isn't a poem at all. It's just a thing where you share your feelings - which is good, but that's not really a poem.

your thought is good, your intentions are good, and what you have to say is good, but how you say it isn't so good.

Answer 4

This is good. Allow me to point something out here; look at this poem as a geometric shape. See how each line finishes in a diagonal, and the outside ends curves in and out in a rhythmic flow? This is what good poetry should look like. Words aside, poetry works best with it encompasses both emotion and arithmetic.

Answer 5

I think it would make a great song, but I think I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face if it were recited to me. Maybe it's just the cynic in me. Sorry

Answer 6

i think she going to like it a lot i mean is she going to love it but
you should ask her that question;hey do you like this poem i mad? ; ok? good luck by the way can i have this poem to if i get
a girlfriend i would do the same here if you dont mind if you do
mind i wont write this here

Answer 7

that's so sweet i love poetry and my boyfriend writes things like that to and its not to much or to little its god just spelling and watch your commas cause its like a pause and the words are great! shell love it.

Answer 8

listen to your heart an ask no questions, the sages only share their disappointments with us, nothing else... they have nothing original to offer...
the words of prophets are indeed written on a subway wall...
truth lies within your heart...

Answer 9

DANG!!! intense. You really should sho her if you haven't. It'll really show your love for her. Its GREAT!!! i loved it. Its better than anything anyones written to me, or anything ive written, and people tell me i write good. Keep writing!!

Answer 10

TomTom why did you joke about raping children on that other question. Your sick man get a life