Wedding Dinner Reception: Wording on Invitation?

Question

We are planning to marry in a church and would like to have a small dinner and cake reception immediately following the ceremony in the church fellowship hall.

The problem is, our guest list runs well over 100 people of our immediate family, extended family, close friends (like family), other friends and aquaintances/ co-workers, etc.

We invited family and friends that we would like to attend our marriage ceremony, but would like to spend our dinner reception with our immediate family and close friends ONLY.

What is the etiquette on this, and how would we word that in an invitation insert so that only our CLOSE family and friends attend the dinner?

Answer 1

People who attend a wedding expect to also attend a reception. There isn't really a right way to invite them to the wedding but then to tell them they aren't good enough to attend the reception.

Either cut your wedding guest list to only include those you want at the reception, or have a full reception for everyone and possibly do something more "special" the night before.

Answer 2

Sorry to say but other posters are on the right track. You can't invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception without looking very rude and insulting.

If you want scale down the reception because of budget costs then scale down your menu. Have an open reception with just appetizers or even a cake and punch reception. Afterwards have dinner with your family and have an insert in their invitations to an after party. Just make sure they know to keep mum about it. Otherwise, you are going to need to only invite close family and friends to the ceremony as well.

Answer 3

Only way it should be done is just invite the people who to both the reception and the ceremony and word of mouth to people you can not afford to have at the reception.

I had a friend who was getting married and did this. Close friends attended the ceremony and knew it was acceptable by word of mouth. Dinner was for the family only, no friends at all. Friends understood, not sure if family would understand as well.

Answer 4

May I suggest . .

Have a wedding invitation printed that invites everyone to the ceremony (time, date, and location). And then have a set of "enclosure cards" printed that states the time and location of the dinner after wards.

You can send everyone an invitation to the ceremony and then put the enclosure card with the invitations to those people who are invited to the dinner after the ceremony.

I must forewarn you . . people are going to compare "invitations." And you can also expect some telephone calls, "You forgot to put the reception information in my invitation." And you can also expect several people will not attend your wedding because you are not having a reception (a free meal) or they were not invited to the dinner. And it's also possible that some people will not give you a wedding gift or it will be something "smaller" than normal.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 5

The etiquette is that you can't invite some people to the reception and not others. If its the budget you're worried about, you need to consider cutting your guest list or trimming down in other areas of the wedding budget.

You'll have a rehersal dinner the night before with your immediate family and close friends, won't you? Would that not be enough?

Answer 6

I think you've seen the general consensus that this is not the most polite thing to do. In particular, I think you may end up with a problem in that all of the ceremony guests will hang out after the ceremony, wanting to give the bride & groom their best wishes...There won't be a comfortable way to get yourself and the "important" guests into the fellowship hall, without everyone else seeing you go there.

One suggestion is to reduce the number of overall guests you're inviting...Really, if they're not important enough to you to qualify for the special dinner, do they really need to go to the ceremony?

Another suggestion is to make it a pot-luck event. I know, I know...some people are reading this right now, and thinking that's the tackiest thing ever. But the point of having a wedding reception is NOT to treat everyone to as much food and drink as they want...it's to celebrate the most important day in your life, and anyone who really cares about you should be more than happy to help out. It's fairly informal, but can be a good way to include all of the people you want to include, without going over budget. Additionally, this may end up reducing the number of guests who attend, all in all.

Answer 7

Slip an insert into the invitations of the people who are invited to the small reception. Leave the insert out of the uninviteds. Don't even mention the reception on the invitation itself.

On the insert: As our close family and friends, we would like to invite you to a small luncheon/dinner after the ceremony in the church fellowship hall. Thank you for sharing our special day.

If someone finds out about it and calls, explain to them that funds are tight and that you could only invite so many people to the reception or explain that it is family only. Do not apologize because this is the way you want it.

Best of luck and congrats!

Answer 8

i went to a wedding once that sort of did that. They had a champagne and cake toast at the church then some people were invited to a reception. but the people invited to the reception talked about it in front of those not invited. They just included the reception invites to those they wanted to come to the reception.

Answer 9

This is NOT DONE. You have the same people to the ceremony AND the reception. So cut down the list and have a smaller wedding if you don't want dinner and dancing for everyone. It would be frightfully RUDE to do what you are planning.

Answer 10

You could include reception cards only in the invitations of the people you want there.