should I divorce my husband?

Question

when we got married he promised me we would only move in with his a brother for 1 year and he would buy me a house.That was 7 years ago. He allow the person we were living with to bring his gay friend in the house around our son instead of him removing us from the enviorment.I got tired of it so my son and I move out.My husband is not doing anything to get us a place to stay.He says he doesn't feel like he should have to ask his wife to come home.I should be home.I don't want to live in someone elses house.I want my own. The house actually belongs to his grandmother and it's paid for.Him and his brother just want to live free I think.What should I do?

Answer 1

does not sound like a good situation,
his wife and kids should come first, he helped his bro enough
i would seriously think about moving on

Answer 2

First of all, what do you have against homosexuals? Just because the man is gay it does not mean that he will be a bad influence on your son. My best friend and my brother-in-law are both gay and they are the best men that I know next to my husband. Second, houses are expensive and you can't blame your husband for wanting to live in a house that is already paid for. However, you are his wife and that means that you and his child should come first. He promised you your OWN home and he did not deliver. For that reason alone, I totally agree with you and I would have left too. Make it clear to your husband that he promised you and your child your own home. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable living in a house that doesn't not belong to you. If he truly loves you then he will stop being so selfish and do everything that he can to keep his promise to you. If he doesn't see things your way after you talk to him, then perhaps you should just get a divorce. If he isn't willing to step up now and provide for his family, then it will only get worse.

Answer 3

Divorce is not something I would recommend, at this point, anyway. But, as important as the matter of a home of your own IS, I have a hunch you have other problems regarding you-and-your-husband's abilities to handle problems of any kind. But for the specific issue of living-space:
1. Does your family earn enough to handle housing costs on your own?
2. Was the house willed (or otherwise given) to either your husband or his brother, individually, or did each of them just ask her permission to live there, rent-free? The answer to this question can determine what other actions you should consider?
3. If neither brother has any more right to be there than the other, then each brother has the right to live his life as he best determines. But you have the right/obligation to raise your child in the best environment possible. If the brothers have equal ownership rights, could they agree to let one or the other "buy out" the other? Are there ways to partition the living spaces so that your brother-in-laws's lifestyle doesn't intrude into your family's space.
4. Could all of you develop some sort of life-contract to allow everyone's needs are satisfied.
5. Can you sit down with your husband, whether or NOT you "go home," and discuss each specific issue you have and determine what each of you want from the other, and what you are willing to give up to get what you want. (This can get rather complilcated, quickly, and could require someone as a mediator between your husband and yourself.)
6.. Only you and your husband can decide whether both of you are committed to the marriage. And as Dear Abby (I think) used to say, you have to decide whether you are better-off in or out of the marriage.

Answer 4

Well, I think there are some issues here and the bottom line (I think) is things are NOT going to change. If you and he have been living there for 7 years and RENT FREE, he should have been able to save enough ny now to pay for a house cash. Alright maybe not the entire amount but with the average rent being what it is he should have like $80,000.00 saved. That is a good amount of money. And he has allowed you to leave and isn't tryin to get you back. Sorry honey but it is time to see a lawyer and start working towards a divorce. Sorry. But you deserve better.

Answer 5

I guess no one really has the right to tell you what you should do, but here is my opinion. Seven years is a VERY long time. As far as the live in friend, I have nothing against people with other sexual preferences, but to a kid living there I think that is very confusing. Especially if they are young children still in the developing years of their lives. Honestly, I would just say it's been 7 years, and it's time to make a move toward having something of our own and for our own family. Maybe he needs an ultimatum. Make him understand that if he doesn't put his family first and take care of business that you will do it yourself. Of course, if you aren't willing to live with the choice he makes, you should give this a lot of thought. If he chooses to continue the way he is going, no matter what, then maybe it's time for you to move on and build the life for you and your son that he seems unwilling to build. Just remember, whatever he decides you will have to live with as well. You can't take it back just because his choice doesn't go your way. Honestly, as a man, I don't know why he wouldn't want to build his own life and home with his own family. I couldn't do what he's doing and feel good about it. Good luck!

Answer 6

U kinda lost me with the whole gay guy thing. However if your husband is not making u and your son his priority then I say Sayonara. I would tell him if u want 2 keep me then u have 2 show me that u are willing 2 make some compromises. He is doing what is easier for him. My question is are u the breadwinner? Because if u are its very likely that u would have 2 pay him alimony if u 2 split. U should not have let this fester for 7 years. Leave b4 u waste another 7

Answer 7

Purchasing (or not purchasing) a home should not be the basis on whether a marriage is successful or not. You don't have to buy to live in your own home. And you don't have ot live with someone else. You can RENT a home or even an apartment. If he doesn't want to leave his brother's home, he may have some issues that need to be dealt with. In the mean time, you and your son should rent your own place. Try to get him to come along. If he refuses, try to seek counseling. Good luck.

Answer 8

Being married is the hardest of all life trails I think. If you can't come to an agreement and he can't make a home for you and your child then try to do it for yourself. Do not depend on him to do it for you. No matter what a man says he wants a woman to stand on her own two feet. He may even follow you. Stay strong. Marriage is a life commitment. I have been divorced and it was the hardest thing in my life to go through. If he doesn't follow then you have one option. Living with someone else always puts a strain on a relationship. To live with them for 7 years I can't imagine. This must be a huge mansion for that many people to live in it. I hope this helps. Need to talk you can email me. [e-mail]

Answer 9

Sounds like you are right...he just want s to live free and collect rents from boarders. I couldn't live like that. Okay so he didn't keep his promise...he never will either because money is more important to him. He's not interested in a wife and family, that is pretty clear. You are only there to cook and clean and add to his laziness and irresponsiblity. Is that what you want? If you stay you will only allow this situation to eat your brain.... Leave him and he'll have to add more borders, clean and cook for himself and will have to pay your alimoney and child support. Make sure he adds the rents and no overheads to his financial status report when you file for divorce. Get him where he lives honey pie.

Answer 10

Sounds like he needs to get up off his butt and do something about getting your own home....or at least an apartment. And although I'm standing up for you on that end, a gay person isn't going to brainwash your child into the dark side. If he's been that lazy for 7 years...divorce sounds like a good idea to me and hey, if you're lucky, you'll win the house in the divorce settlement and you get to kick them out. On the other hand, what are you doing? You could be trying to get that house too.

Answer 11

Well, get a job.. and work for some money. Divorce him. Do what you have to do. This guy doesn't seem to care about you or your son.

In about a year, it'll be worth it. Do you have good credit? You could get a bank loan and try to buy a small house.. or maybe a condo. Or just head for an apartment.

But in the meantime, you HAVE to get a job.



(btw... what was so bad about the gay guy?)