Ok, I have a 10-yr acquaintance w/ someone ("friend" is too strong a word), and she's been in school the entire time I've known her. (She's over 40) I just got married in Feb, and we plan to move out of the country by year's end. Meanwhile, I'm paying off all of my student loans. I RSVP'd that I was unable to go to the graduation party that she threw for herself. Two days ago, she called me up asking me for money. I told her I didn't have any. She then said, "Well, I thought I'd call up the people who didn't buy me a graduation gift to see if they could just give me money instead." BOY, was I hot! I also decided she will get absolutely nothing from me just b/c of that phonecall. Am I being insensitive?
2007-06-19 03:53:53 · 15 answers · asked by ? 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Also, was I really supposed to give her a gift due to receiving the e-vite to her graduation party? Maybe I AM in the wrong...
2007-06-19 03:56:14 · update #1
SUZI, we actually eloped in the Dominican Republic, so we truly didn't expect anything, and she knows I'm a newlywed AND that we plan to leave the country this yr. I also chose not to have a graduation party for myself. I don't like the spotlight, as you can see. Lol.
2007-06-19 04:18:42 · update #2
It was very tacky and rude of your friend to call and ask for $. As for the gift, an invitation to a party does not mean that a gift is mandatory. Gifts are always optional and at the discretion of the giver. Since she is not a close friend, you are under absolutely no obligation to give her a gift.
The very best thing you can do in response to her low-class behavior is to ignore it. Don't respond or ever bring it up again. If she pesters you again for a gift or money, just say politely, "I was taught never to ask for gifts" and then change the subject. I would mark her off my list -- no one needs greedy, grasping friends like that.
2007-06-19 04:04:36 · answer #1 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
1. A gift is a gift. It should never be expected or demanded. When you got married, it was nice of those people to give you gifts, and culturally traditional, but you shouldn't have expected them. Neither should she have expected graduation gifts.
2. An e-vite is not a formal invitation. If you were formally invited to a party, and went, you should have brought some sort of gift. Since you didn't go, a gift would have been nice, but not required.
3. A demand for money such as hers is ABSOLUTELY crass.
2007-06-19 03:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by TychaBrahe 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
yes, she was rude, tacky.
she probably doesn't know any better.
Americans these days are on a slippery slope in regard to etiquette.
more and more seem to feel that they are supposed to be perfectly happy and or are "entitled".
for instance, someone gives you gift but then you OPENLY expresses a disappointment/dismay over the contents.
it is the hiegth of rudeness.
I would just send her a "congratulations" card if your fell like it or let it go if you feel it would only add to the controversy.
now me I am under the understanding that one is not owed a gift. if I did not attend the event (the exception of course might be family members)
on the only hand, I have met folks in cyberspace who stated they felt obliged to send a gift to anyone who invited them to a shower etc...whether or not they attended.
on one hand I can see one wanting to congratulate her as she struggled and finally reached a long sought goal.
she is to be commended for her perseverance and tenacity.
on the other hand.......her behavior was over the top for calling you and REQUESTING (demanding?) a gift.
don't know if that part of her behavior should be rewarded.
do you plan to stay in touch with her even after you leave the country?
PS you could always end her a book on etiquette
(smile)
2007-06-19 05:16:46 · answer #3 · answered by creole lady 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it's crazy, but I checked a couple of websites and it looks like, according to etiquette rules, you should have given a gift since you were invited to the party.
However, your circumstances are unusual, and I think that a nice card of congratulations would have been nice.
I'm thinking that her call was pretty rude, though, since you should never ask for gifts.
If you want to smooth things over, you might just give her a card and a small amount of money. I think I'd be inclined to send a card and let her know that I am happy for her but unable to give a gift at this time.
2007-06-19 04:06:44 · answer #4 · answered by g-questions 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
She is way out of line!! You might have sent a congratulatory card, but just because you receive an invitation to something doesn't mean you are supposed to send a gift. The purpose of inviting someone is to say you want that person there to share your special day. It doesn't mean anyone has to bring a present. Your acquaintance isn't going to have many friends if she always acts like that.
2007-06-19 04:00:17 · answer #5 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
"yet even so - i assume that's what blocking off is for......." definite, that's what the OVERLY-comfortable do. If a individual won't be in a position to take a reaction that disagrees with their preset selections, i think of he/she would desire to reassess posting in any respect. For the main section (different than in circumstances of stalking), blocking off is a marginally juvenile way of coping with a respondent who provides a forceful answer. purely skim the assertion and TD no rely if it quite is deemed too strident.
2016-09-28 02:24:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. I don't think you're obligated to buy a gift, just because you got an invitation. Especially if you can't afford it.
Yes, I'd been offended, too, if anyone asked me for cash, under those circumstances.
As for your relationship, did you invite her to your wedding? Did she go to your grad party? Does she buy you gifts? If she has done this for you, she may expect the same.
2007-06-19 04:08:59 · answer #7 · answered by Suzi 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to givce her a graduation gift.. Something inexpensive..But it shows her motives. I think she's was acting a little greedy and straight forward.
Did she give you a wedding gift? If she did then get her a graduation gift. If not then give her a card or something. if she's angry about it...Oh well.
2007-06-19 04:15:03 · answer #8 · answered by LayLay 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How completely and utterly RUDE! She was being totally greedy. The gall of some people. You don't owe her anything. I agree that such a person would be no friend of mine.
2007-06-19 08:38:03 · answer #9 · answered by Juddles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had to start this answer over. I got angry for you. You do not owe her any sort of gift and it is unreal for her to act that way. How rude!!!! You are not insensitive it is definitely the other way around!!!!
Peace.
2007-06-19 04:45:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋