Am I doing the right thing?

Question

I went to wake up my sons Ethan (5) and Aidan (4) for school just a little bit ago, and when I went to Ethan's room he wasn't there. I was shocked because it's early in the morning and he's never up that early unless I wake him. I went down stairs assuming he was down there playing or something and he wasn't and I panicked. I looked everywhere until I found him sitting on our tire swing in our backyard. He was crying (he hardly ever cries). I started to approach him (I could hear him crying but he was turned away so I couldn't see him). When I stepped in front of him I saw that he had a horrible black eye and a busted lip. I asked him what happened he told me a 13 year old boy Devon down the street beat him up because he wouldnt give him money.

I called the police an I'm going down there to file a report (my husband took him to the hospital for stitches). Then my husband and I decided to take our kids to a hotel to get away from the neighborhood. Am I doing whats right?

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think a 13 year old boy beating up a 5 year old boy to the point where he needs stitches is a minor thing. My son said all he did was go outside to get the paper for his dad and Devon came down on his bike and started calling him obscene names and then shove him on the ground and punched him twice. My son is 5! He's a little guy! He just started kindergarten! I don't think this is the typical bully situation.

I'm going to a hotel because my son is scared that Devon's going to hurt him again. Devon is 13 but he looks 18.

And as I said, it wasn't the middle of the night, it happened just 30 minutes before I went outside which was at around 7:30.

TRUST ME, I had no idea he went outside. He made his dad a father's day card but he said he felt bad that he isn't nicer to his daddy so he wanted to get the paper for him.

Also, I tried to talk to Devon's parents and they slammed the door in my face.

Answer 1

That is what I would do. That must have been so scary for you! I am so sorry. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you did the right thing, the parents were uncooperative, you contacted the police, got your son taken care of medically, and gave him a break from the neighborhood for a day.
Most likely now that Devon's parents know you are serious, Devon will not be much of a problem anymore, neither will Devon's buddies because they don't want the police showing up at their houses too, but they will still make comments. Also ask any of your immediate neighbors if they saw the incident or saw Devon in the area at that time, you might need them as witnesses later if the case goes to court.
I hope that your son is feeling better, make a habit out of making him go play outside (either while you window hop from inside or go out on the porch while the boys play), he needs to feel secure about being in his yard again, it does take some time for that to happen. I hope things are better for your family

Answer 3

I think you are right to report to the police. This 13 year old boy needs to know that what he did was not okay, and I also think you are right that a 13 year old boy beating up a 5 year old goes beyond average bullying. Also I think that it is important that your son knows that it is not okay for this boy to get away with what he did and that you will do the right thing to protect him and to try to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Not sure what your motivation was for taking your children to the hotel. Was it to provide your son with some sense of safety after getting attacked in an otherwise okay neighbourhood? or is it generally an unsafe one, and you felt you needed a break or a step toward a more permanent move? Both are good rationalizations, but if your neighbourhood is generally okay, get your boy back there, and back into his routine fairly quickly so that he learns that this is an isolated incident, and he can be safe at home.

Answer 4

I don't know the circumstances that would compel you to go to a hotel instead of staying where you're at, but everything else was correct. I sure would like to know how Devon had access to your son in the first place.

Additional: Thank you for taking the time to include those additional details.

The reason I said what you did was correct is that Devon is very much older than your son and your son is very young, therefore I imagined Devon should know better and that he was also at least twice the size of your son if not more.

I wasn't sure if you lived in an apartment complex or something where Devon could easily get at your son, but by the manner in which you wrote your question I assumed you might not be one to react on emotion alone. So It seemed that you must have what you considered to be a good reason to go to a hotel.

I hope by yours and your husband's actions that Devon is steered away from visiting violence upon others, and hope that Ethan recovers from this ordeal.

Answer 5

Running is not a good idea. Confront this boy and his parents. Maybe his mother and father do not know what is going on. Man a 13 year old beat up a 5 year old, what a BEEP. I have a 5 year old son. I think I might lose my mind if a 13 year old beat him like that. If the parents don't care then yes inform the police and try to keep your son away from this other boy. Actually keep him away. The boy may doing something worse in retaliation.

Answer 6

File a report and push this as far as you can. Hopefully, he'll spend a night in the juvenile home. What a horrible kid! A 13 yr old beating up a 5 yr old is definitely not a typical bully situation. Those parents need to pay for the hospital visit, too. And, I'd take out a restraining order if possible. In case this 13 yr old tries to retaliate against your little boy. Please let us know what the cops do about this.

Answer 7

I think that you are doing the right thing by telling the police. But moving your family to a hotel may be a bit extreme. Try to talk to the parents of Devon again. If you really don't feel like your children are safe in your neighborhood maybe you should consider moving. I am so sorry for what happened, do what you feel you have to to protect your family.

Answer 8

Going to a hotel is a little extreme but filing charges is fine. I have never known a bully, and I was probably the closest thing to a bully in elementary school, but I was just a ***** and not actually a bully. That boy is an asshole, I'm 14 and if I knew him would beat the **** out of him. You do NOT beat up 5 year olds!

Answer 9

I think that following the chain of command is probably the best way to go. I would have called the parents of the 13 year old first and then I would let them know that I was going to file a police report. As for going to a hotel, I think that this may be a little extreme. I know you said the boy looked more like 18 however think about the lesson you are teaching your child, not to mention the bully....

Your son is going to get the message that it is okay to run away when intimidated. The bully will get the message that he has won. I am not suggesting that your 5 year old son should confront the bully head on but I would not want to show my child that it is okay to live in fear. Teach him to face his fears.

Answer 10

What? Ok, how did you not notice your sons black eye last night? Or are you saying this happened early in the morning while your child was outside un supervised and without your knowledge??????? Why would you go stay at a hotel because your son got beat up by a bully? What could the bully do to you? Call the police to be sure this kid gets punished and stay in your home. Running is not something you want to teach your son.

Answer 11

So how early was the 5 year old up for this to have happened? Where was he when it happened? Is this a story he may have told because he was too embarassed to say he fell trying to climb a tree or something?
I would have gone and checked things out first with Devon and his parents.
I would go ahead with the report but there are a lot of other questions that need to be asked.