We have been together for over seven years and he says he want's to but he has been saying that for the past 5years.and nothing happens. I gave him till July 20, 2007 or I am leaviing. PLEASE HELP ME !!and please tell me if I am being to harsh
2007-06-18 19:51:32 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If he isn't ready after 7 years, he may never be. I would ask him flat out ..WHY? Is he not sure you are the one, or is he just not sure about marriage. Either way causes a big conflict. I don't think you are being to harsh. I had an co-worker who did that bc basically she knew she was ready and she said that if he wasn't ready by then, that they just weren't on the same page in their relationship and she needed to leave. (They had only been together four years, so NO you aren't being harsh) Well, he ended up realizing that he knew he couldn't lose her, EVER! It was just what he needed to start thinking. He did propose and they have been happily married for seven years now. So I think you are doing what you feel is best for you and that can never be wrong. Good Luck!
2007-06-18 20:00:09 · answer #1 · answered by tired 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how old are you?
it might seem like a silly question, but it does matter.
my boyfriend and i have been together for over 8 years, but i just finished my master's degree, and we're only 24...and yes, we've been talking about getting married "someday" for a few years too...but only recently have the serious discussions started.
i think you we're a bit harsh in giving him a deadline...if nothing else, it probably made him more opposed to the idea of proposing before then. and if he thinks you would leave because he's not ready...it might even make him doubt your love for him.
sit down with him and calmly tell him how you are feeling...and then ask him, seriously, if he ever plans on marrying you. you've been together long enough to have this type of conversation and to get an honest answer. you should also be able to tell how he's feeling when you talk about it. if he says he wants to marry you, but you don't think he's serious, get out now, don't wait until he 20th of July.
2007-06-20 13:00:38 · answer #2 · answered by jennyvee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Being together for 7 years when you're 23 and 7 years when you're 30 are very different. He may just not be ready yet. That said, you know the situation best. I don't like ultimatums but if you want to get married and he doesn't, it's best to end the relationship and find someone who's in the same place in life as you are. My friends got engaged after 7 years, but they were 18 when they got together so 7 years wasn't that bad considering they were 25/26 when they finally got engaged. Seems about normal for marrying age.
2007-06-19 13:20:07 · answer #3 · answered by tink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you already gave him the date then it doesn't really matter if you are being harsh, it's already out there and done. There is nothing left to do but, wait until July and see what happens between now and then.
If he asks you to marry him between now and then do you think it will be because he loves you and he's ready or because you forced him to do so? If he asks you then be prepared for an ultimatium later on in life with him. An ultimatium is no way to start a marriage!
Either take it back and talk to him about why you want to be married and about what is holding him back or just leave because you can't wait for him to ask you to marry him anymore.
2007-06-19 03:44:32 · answer #4 · answered by hotelmajor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you are not being too harsh. I don't know if setting a deadline is the best way to go about it though. There is something holding him back... but whatever it is, it's his issue. Not yours. For whatever reason, he doesn't feel comfortable taking that step with you. Forcing him into it by telling him "You better by this day or else..." may make things worse. What if he asks you to marry him and he didn't really want to because you gave him a dead line and he didn't want to hurt you by not doing it by then?
I would say you guys need to discuss whether or not he really wants to marry you. Honestly. I know you've heard of that book "He's Just Not That Into You."... the guy who wrote that would probably say you are too good to sit around and wait for this guy to decide that you are worth it, because there's someone out there ready to worship you. You just have to find the right one.
Good luck
2007-06-19 03:03:09 · answer #5 · answered by Deanna 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kind of depends on other things
7 years is a long time, but if you started dating at age 15 - I can completely understand not being ready to get married at age 22.
I guess you know what you want - you want to be married.
You have to take responsibility for getting what you want/need. I get that part. I agree
But It just seems strange to me that "being married" is apparently more important than who you are married to. You will dump a guy you "love" in favor of somebody else - as yet unidentified - in order to get a certain committment formula satisfied.
Just me, but I will follow my man anywhere - with or without the marriage license. I rarely tell him this, but to be honest, he owns me completely. No ceremony or piece of paper could make any difference about that. (PS we've been legally married for 16 years now - but together over 20)
2007-06-19 03:11:14 · answer #6 · answered by quietfive 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not being too harsh. What happens if he is hospitalized while unconscious? It's for his good as well as your own. But maybe you should just ask him instead of framing it like he has to ask you. My sister had a guy who was footdragging in the third year... and she finally just bought the ring and did it herself. They just got married. If he doesn't say yes, leave him before he leaves you for whatever he is waiting for. At seven years, it's time for him to be fair to you.
2007-06-19 03:07:25 · answer #7 · answered by Kara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving each other doesn't mean you are a match for marriage. It's pretty obvious that he doesn't want to get married -- YOU should have clued into that after two or three years of dating! Since you gave him an ultimatum (which was a bad idea, really), now you stick with it -- or be a more mature woman, and just break it off with him before that date.
2007-06-19 09:10:23 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi Raven, I hope you are not stressed out with the marriage thing. I read somewhere that for some people, marriage is just a legal document , and for some, it is a PIECE of paper! For you perhaps, it is a symbol of two people sealing their love with witnesses and legal binding. But have you actually asked of HIS opinion about it? What does he think of the MEANING of wedding to him? If he just wants to be in a partnership , then you have to choose. It is actually up to you, and not to him, to talk about it.
2007-06-19 03:39:37 · answer #9 · answered by joulsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he's not ready doesn't mean he doesn't love you. This is the most difficult decision of a man's life. Frankly, I think you are being too harsh. Men and women often don't see eye to eye on this. He wouldn't have been with you for this long if he didn't love you. I think it is unfair to give an ultimatum like that.
2007-06-19 03:00:58 · answer #10 · answered by juliomacielbr 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋